spouse of someone w/anxiety

It is not my wife's anxiety that is affecting my stability (although it is very hard sometimes). But I feel like I am not correctly handling situations that escalate into her full blown panic attacks where she is lashing out at me and the world. Would it be advisable for me to go to a therapist to learn strategies to deal with outbursts (and general day-to-day issues)?

Hey Lemonaid,

Before I realized I had an anxiety problem I was very dependent on my wife to be my 'safe' person.
If I had to go somewhere I would insist that she come with me not knowing why but feeling much better that she did. Of course she had no idea that she was filling a role on my behalf. Often she would suggest we do something after and I would freak on two levels. One, that I might have to go somewhere I was not prepared to go and two, that my 'safe' person was about to feed me to the lions. My standard response was to start an argument. Please realize I did this having no idea that my anxiety was in control and was doing its best to avoid the situation. By having my wife totaly p'd at me I was insuring we would be going straight home where I would be happier facing her anger than facing the unknown.

After I was diagnosed and began a med program I began doing some mental inventory and discovered what I had been doing to my poor wife and why. Over a period of time I've been able to explain to her how I've felt and why I've reacted to soooo many things as I have. And, I've thanked her for putting up with my Mr. Hyde. She has become adept at seeing the transformation when I go from normal to an anxiety attack now. She takes me to a quiet area, sits me down and waits for it to pass with me, and it does. And, the anxiety attacks happen less and less to the point I'm becoming comfortable doing things on my own I could never do before.

If your wife looks to you to be her 'safe' person find out what that job description requires and realize it will change over time. Sensitive communication is a must. You may find that your relationship will improve on other levels as well. It takes time. Celebrate the small milestones.

HGT