Proper Treatment

I'd appreciate any feedback or info. I just want to get my life back together, get started again. Move forward personally and professionally w/o all these damn mental health interferences.

Sometimes I really dont know if Im ok or not. I got diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and panic disorder but I think that I might still have some type of adjustment disorder from when I was first diagnosed with that in 2008. The therapist wrote down that I had adjustment disorder back in 2008 and I thought I pretty much got over it. I havent been in a serious relationship since 2007 . It was very painful and threw me into a depression in addition to graduating when the economy bottomed out and my whole life as I had known it was pretty much destroyed. I started graduate school in 2010 after being in hell for 3 years thinking that I just had anxiety and depression but seriously I think this crap might be morphing into something more and Im scared its going to ruin my freakin life. When I started grad school I had psycho anxiety and I felt like my whole body especially my head was screaming like intense pain and anguish. It really hit me after 3 years and all this sadness, regret, and wondering what is going on hit me like hey Im here after everything. It was like a HUGE SHOCK or something. It was horrible. I went to the psychologist and she said something along the lines that w/o proper treatment that whatever intensity I was feeling could actually intensify possibly over time w/o medication. I was taking freaking ativan and I thought I was fine. The stupid psychiatrist just put me on .5 mg and didnt even really do anything. What a dumbass I had no idea that ativan is pretty much short term. So I thought alright I'd be ok since the therapist said something about taking medicine and being ok.

5 months later of still sadness and depression feeling lonely and thinking actually knowing this school is crap I started a class at the gym. Everything was pretty much ok . I like the instructor and could just see that finally this is an opportunity to move on from my post-ex boyfriend sadness, regret, lonely world. We literally locked hands and eyes one day and I don't know what happened. I just freaked out. I just freaking realized that omygosh it's finally over, all the sadness, feelings for my exboyfriend were gone. I knew I could move on and it was so beautiful I cant describe it but I know he sees/saw it too together. But I just freaked out and I literally felt like my head exploded/cracked in half. I thought about what the therapist said something about developmental things/new chapters/ triggering stuff and it just ran through my head and I LOST ALL CONTROL. Then I had PSYCHO anxiety and couldnt even function properly. It was horrible. I would go into the gym class because I was so pissed off that the medicine wasnt working like I thought it would and I could tell he was wondering what was going on me and was getting anxious too like what the hell because obviously he didnt know me to know that I have some mh issues. I felt so bad because I literally felt like Ive been waiting all this time to have a life again, just being lonely, depressed, jobless at my house, and I have someone to be with now. The thing is I know with panic attacks its instantaneous but I had severe anxiety afterward and the medicine wasnt working anymore to help. It was horrible. I really think its from the adjustment disorder or something/like some developmental problem. I dont want to be afraid to grow up. Im 26. Im just so tired. aLL these people I talk to are ridiculous and just pretty much brushed over everything. I dont know what to do I feel a little bit better. but Im not sure. I just want to be ok and not have this morph into a real serious mentall illness. I just dont know what to have hope in anymore.

Hi, AnxHelp! How about printing out your post and showing it to a new psych/therapist? You could try to explain to them how hard it is for you and that you're not being taken seriously, this way.
Lots of people have a hard time finding jobs or growing up for certain reasons (I know it's not that simple and easy to deal with though), you will find good treatment and get better.