Nocturnal Panic Attacks

I have had some anxiety and panic attacks since childhood. I seem to have fewer panic attacks now, but they can still happen. However, a year or two ago, something new happened. I fell asleep and woke up in a panic. I couldn't have slept for more than 2, maybe 3 hours. I don't recall having a nightmare. The fear came before the recognition of what the fear was of- death. We often logically know we are going to die, but we emotionally detach from it, but in that moment, I felt connected to the emotional realization. The panic soon passed. On a diff. night, I went to bed, but before I could even fall asleep, I bolted upright in panic. Again, the fear proceeded the thought. Again, I knew it was over death. On still another night, I had a panic attack- this was all around the same time. However, during this last attack, I had thought of death. I had began writing a story involving death, but felt no fear during the writing process. I left someone's home and headed for my own, and my anxiety began. It grew as I drove, and when I got home and into bed, it continued to gain strength. It was actually morning, though still dark out. Maybe around 4 or 5, and I was so distressed that I considered waking people up with phone calls. I finally decided to wake someone up in my own home and I actually asked them to get in bed with me, so I wouldn't have to sleep alone. Breaking out of my isolation and thought and talking to someone helped ease the panic, but I was still afraid. All of this happened around the same time.

There was also a dream not long before this, during which I felt anxiety. The dream was focused on salvation, redemption and remorse. I thought it might be relevant since it is somewhat death connected. Also, I rarely experience anxiety in my sleep like that.

Given that two of these events seemed to have no precursory thoughts and came on while I was unconscious or falling into unconsciousness, I wondered if it was a sleeping problem. I also wondered if the fear was triggered by current events and thoughts of mortality during other waking moments of my life, or if it was the result of past circumstances finally being dealt with emotionally. I have never had a painful or terribly frightening near death experience, but I was terribly ill once and would have died had I not recieved help. I recovered quickly however, thanks to God/prayers and medical treatment/doctors. Around the same time, my grandmother passed on, my boyfriend was fighting a life threatening illness, and one of my best friends found out she had an incurable disease- though it is managable and she can still live a normal life span. That happened, however, 6-7 years before the panic attacks about death hit. I have lost a couple other folks. I also witnessed someone die once. It was not a particularly violent death, as it was a natural death, but all death is violent, I suppose. However, those events were even further in the past with one nearly 10 years prior. These attacks have abated for some time now, but I wonder what triggered such a thing.

LarvaeandLace,
Interesting name you have. I have nocturnal panic attacks too. I couldn't tell you why I get them or why you do either but I can tell you they are very interesting.

They used to scare me. I'm kinda used to them now. Sometimes I wake up and I feel like I was just in a dream where I was suffocating and trying to breath so I wake up startled and confused, like what is going on here? Then I realilze it's just me waking up from a dream and I can relax a bit.

Actually, I guess I am obsessing in my sleep over the thought of dying or no longer existing as I know it, (the unknown). Actually fear of the unknown is my obsession in life, I suppose as well.

Sorry I can't be of more help, but I do know what you are talking about.

Thanks Nowheregirl- for the name compliment and the reply. I never had panic attacks in my sleep or while dozing off until recently. They have abated for now, but who knows if or when they will be back? You're right- they are interesting. Mine don't have the physical feeling, but I have heard of what you're talking about. It sounds a bit like sleep paralysis because people also smother during that, but you don't mention being unable to move. I just wonder if the two- nocturnal panic attacks and sleep paralysis are related even if one doesn't experience paralysis. Even when I know I am awake, I'm scared because I am thinking of the future and like you said, it is as if "I am obsessing in my sleep over the thought of dying or no longer existing as I know it...." It's okay that you don't have an answer. Sometimes it is nice just to know we aren't alone.