Anxiety Spiraling Out of Control

I'm not sure where to begin, I guess I'll start with some background information. I am 27 years old, I just graduated with an MA this past December. I have been married for two years and my wife and I are about to purchase a house. I have recently found a job, but I do not start until July.

My anxiety has become a problem for my personal feelings and my marriage. My wife and I love each other deeply, but my inability to disconnect from concerns and worries in my life have begun to lead to more and more ruined evenings where I brood about problems or I obsess over the smallest issues until I end up starting a fight with my wife. We always make up and end things positively, but I do not want to continue putting stress on my marriage in this way.

Additionally there is a darker consequence of this and it has led me to get serious about handling this issue. We got a dog late last year and this has become a major source of anxiety for me. I dwell and obsess over the slightest "problems" in his behavior (even when he is not really doing anything wrong). As time went on I became more and more stressed regarding the dog and began to use way too much force in disciplining him. The frustration has exploded into truly violent episodes and I can only take solace in the fact that I have not seriously injured him to this point. Nevertheless my actions are wholly inappropriate and I do not know myself. I feel like a monster, I am upsetting my wife, endangering a sweet animal, and I want it to stop. I feel like I am spiraling downwards and parts of my life feel surreal, as if its not even me.

I have never shown a propensity to violence in my life, never towards my wife (never even thought about it), or towards others. I considered posting this in a forum more suited towards abuse, but I know where my anger comes from...uncertainty and anxiety about that uncertainty. I know my dog is young, but I don't know if he's progressing alright. I seek constant reassurance through research, the advice of others, etc, but I still don't find any solace in it. The initial thought behind my violent reactions is to do something drastic to snap him out of this behavior once and for all. There is certainly an element of frustration present, I won't make it appear that I'm simply trying to correct his behavior...no there is a self-serving aspect to this, but I think I am also trapped in what was once a more innocent course of action: give him a swat on the butt when he's really acting up, but it has gone out of control now.

Its perverted, but I am so concerned about his development that I've now come full circle and am now endangering it. My wife said something to me last night when I asked her how she could still love me and she said, "Because you make me feel calm" and that really made me stop and think about how I no longer bring calm and how far I've sunk.

I take full responsibility for my actions and I want to try and do something differently. I've set up an appointment with a psychiatrist and while I've made many resolutions before I'm hoping that I can take real action to help address my issues and act like an adult. I posting here because it will be a few weeks until I am able to get in to see the doctor and I need some support. I hate asking for support given that I am the one inflicting pain, but I know intellectually that I need it in order to truly change. I apologize for the length of this, but I really needed to lay things out. Than you in advance for any help, comments, or suggestions any of you have.

Hey Zephyr,

It's good that you now realize that you can't do this on your own. There is no shame in asking for help and getting support. Your not weak but you do some faulty thinking and perhaps a hypersensitive arousal system.

Realizing you need help is the first step, so your on your way. It's takes great courage to reach out, because there is so much stigma surrounding mental health issues. You've come to the right place to get support.

We can't control everything in our lives, that is a big thing for people with Anxiety to accept. The more you try to control every little thing, the worse you'll get.

Learning to tolerate uncertainty is a big issue for people with worry and anxiety. Worry is probably seen as a way for you to predict what might happen and then how to fix it. You may feel safer when your worrying, but it doesn't keep bad things from happening, and just makes you feel worse. Learn to let go.

Here is a website about Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). You may identify with the symptoms. It also has a page to access a lot of self help stuff you can do, while you wait to see the psychiatrist.

Hope you get some relief from this help:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/general ... sorder.htm

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None of us can control anything, life is just a test, and we just have to do our best and keep trying to improve.