Newbie to all of this

Hi all,

Though I am not new to anxiety and the hell that comes along with it, I am new to speaking about it publicly and with strangers. I find myself more ready to speak about it with people I dont know since I have found zero comfort in my family and friends. I dont blame my friends because I keep my anxiety very secretive but my family is aware of my troubles and does not understand. I find myself becoming frustrated with them but at the same time- you dont know what anxiety is and how it feels unless you have it, and I wouldnt wish this on anyone.

So, my story...I'm a 23 y/o college student living in New York City. College life = extreme stress and i work two jobs which equals stress. I have had anxiety since I was a child. It started out as a phobia of thunderstorms and dark clouds. I used to make myself so sick over them. I would lock myself in my room, grow extremely nauseous and glue myself to the weather channel watching for updates. I would barricade myself and my room became my own personal prison. I had this impending feeling of dread and though I, to this day, do not understand what it was about thunderstorms thats terrified me I still remember how frightened I was. I eventually grew out of this fear and now storms do not bother me. My mother brought me to speak with someone and they immediately wanted to put me on medication- no questions asked. My mom is not a supporter of medicine so I did not take any. She doesnt even believe in taking an aspirin for a headache. I was okay with this since, as I grew older, I dont like the idea of medication either unless it is NEEDED desperately ex: schizophrenia, BPI, BPII...but now my views are shifting.

I was anxiety free for awhile...I'm talking YEARS of 0 anxiety. Yes, I would have my moments but it was "normal" moments of feeling anxious. There is a moment in my life where I experienced something very traumatic that brought back my anxiety at the age of 15. I suffered so much with this anxiety and present day it has returned.

From senior year of high school till about a year ago I was anxiety free. I wish I could go back in time and relive those moment since I was so carefree and ready to take on the world. About a year ago my anxiety began coming back and this time I kept trying to run from it. I began having panic attacks again, I began becoming fearful of my surroundings, I began becoming hyper sensitive to all things in the environment around me. I was a BIG coffee drinker and I stopped drinking 3 venti starbuck coffees a day and began getting decaf or not coffee at all. Alcohol helped a bit but I didnt want that to become a "problem". I slowly but surely tried to do everything in my power to make the anxiety stop and it has now reached a boiling point.

I find myself fearful of being away from my home, I am fearful of everything. I have finals and I am fearful about going to class. I am not fearful about going to work but I am anxious the entire time I am there. I am at my wits end. I started seeing a therapist three weeks ago and I dont entirely know if its helping. The sessions are only 30 mins of talk therapy and then I go into a meditation room and do deep breathing off of a tape for 15 minutes. She wants to talk about medication but just that thought makes me anxious.

I also recently quit cigarettes as nicotine is a stimulant and I figured that would help also- im on day six of no cigarettes and nothing has changed.

I'm sorry for such a long post- I just feel very alone and im looking for some guidance.

You aren't alone!

I was recently diagnosed with GAD, and I am having a particularly difficult time in my life. I am also 23, and graduated from college 4 months ago. I have been having a really hard time job searching due to my intense anxiety that goes along with almost every step in applying for jobs.

On top of that, I am having an existential crisis, live in an area with limited job opportunities, have a phobia of driving (precluding me from leaving this area for the time being), and I am also surrounded by people who aren't exactly encouraging or empathetic to my challenges (though some of them are coming around).

I was suicidal not long ago, but I took a break from everything and left town for a while (my girlfriend stole me away) and I regained a healthy perspective on life. Now that I am back I am slowly falling back into the depression.

I can understand how the stresses of college add to your anxiety. Additionally, being in college can be a lonely or isolating experience at times, especially since there are a whole set of certain expectations that you are supposed to fulfill when you are in college, both academic and social, that might make you second guess yourself.

My suggestion is to take it day by day, which is what I am doing. Try not to put too much of a strain on yourself (way easier said than done, I know) and try to relax as much as possible. Hopefully working through your issues with your therapist will help you. I would not refuse medication outright if I were you. I personally have gone through 2 therapists and neither has offered to medicate me, which is actually a little disappointing since I feel like I might benefit from medication.

Sorry that I can't be more help. If you want to talk send me a message on here.