Red nail polish fetish?

I am a male in my thirties. Ever since I was a child, I somehow seemed to become sexually attracted to wearing red nail polish. My only sexual fantasy/dream was wearing red nail polish. I got my mother to give me red pedicures as a 6-7 year old child. Then my father complained, and I could no longer have them. Ever since, I have been pursuing this pleasure (on and off) in secret, with feelings of intense guilt. I have remained a virgin.

To be sure, I am attracted to women. But I simply don't have the social skills to interact (let alone flirt) with them, and to start any kind of relationship. And my deep religiosity makes it impossible for me to consider even the possibility of premarital sex. And I am very shy with women.

What is the technical definition/name for my condition? Is it fetishism, or perhaps transvestism? Is it too late for me to get interested in sex and to integrate sex into my personality?

Hi PS,

Welcome to the forums!

Of course it's not too late for you. I don't think it's ever too late.

I think you might have a slight fetish, but I don't think it goes as far as wanting to dress like a woman. From what you wrote, it doesn't sound like you had internalized gender roles at that age. I think you just enjoyed the color red--and bright red is a favorite for a lot of young kids. I don't think you ever grew out of it, either. Red is a pretty powerful color. It's also considered a "risque" color, which is why it's all over women's magazines: "Want to be daring? Wear red nail polish!"

Not that much of a taboo, in my opinion.

I think that, maybe, you're trying to capture a small part of a woman for yourself. Since you said that you've never been in a relationship, I think that the red nail polish kind of allows you to connect with what you'd like to have in some way.

You said you are religious--is there any way that you could meet a nice girl through a church function or even at a congregation? Maybe even ask a priest to set you up with someone? Maybe even a religious dating site? At least it would get you talking to women in a safe, anonymous environment.

Above all, don't be ashamed. You're not harming anyone. You're not disgracing yourself. You're simply enjoying the sense of sight that God gave you. You're blessed enough to see a beautiful color. And when you meet a woman, she might just be daring enough to wear red nail polish. Heck, she'd probably be thrilled to have you pay for her manicures. And you could even get them together (although you might want to skip the nail polish if she's conservative).

Let me know what you think.

--Frayed

Thanks for the welcome and the very helpful and insightful response.

"I think that, maybe, you're trying to capture a small part of a woman for yourself. Since you said that you've never been in a relationship, I think that the red nail polish kind of allows you to connect with what you'd like to have in some way."

This is very insightful. I think that maybe because I have considered women off-limits because of religious preaching, I have sought to "capture a small part of a woman for myself" as you put it, instead of trying to approach women and daring to get into relationships.

Regarding relationships, I am attracted only to the most attractive women and do not consider even the slightly less attractive. And I have no clue where to go from there. As a result, I have relied on girls' skills in the creation of interactions with them and eventually growing more and more attracted to them. By the way, do you move a relationship forward or is it supposed to do so by itself? And should attraction follow interaction/knowledge or vice versa?

Once, I fell in love with a woman based mostly (maybe even totally) on her looks and her encouragement of my interest (and yes she used to wear red nail polish), but her values proved to be totally unrelated to mine. And she claimed I tortured her. I needed time to get to know her. But it seems she was only interested in sex and my looks. Perhaps I got exactly what I was looking for (looking for looks as I was)!

One other thing, when people talk about "being in a relationship" does that usually involve sex? Or is it usually just a romantic relationship?

Thanks again for the most helpful reply!

Hi PS,

I'm from the United States (I don't know if that matters, but I don't know where you're from), and in the city where I live, "being in a relationship" usually implies a sexual component. At least to me. I can't speak for everyone!

It varies, though. There are plenty of folks who have romantic relationships and don't do anything more than kiss until they're married. It's all about personal preference.


I'm not sure why you would only be attracted to the gorgeous ones. I mean, it's common for men to like the really pretty ones best, since men are (statistically) visually turned on.

Are you setting your standards that high intentionally? A couple possibilities for that could be "She's gorgeous, so the fact that she's with me validates me." Or, it could be that you're protecting yourself from rejection. Some folks set the bar high so that it doesn't hurt as bad when the girl says "no." Kind of like, "Oh, no big deal--I expected that." So, are you sure that you're not setting yourself an intentionally unreachable goal? Maybe you've forced yourself, by this point, to not consciously consider other women attractive--because of your no-premarital-sex lifestyle? But the really pretty ones still get through that wall you've built?

The thing I notice most is that you're letting women choose you, and not the other way around. And I don't think that it's simply because you're scared. I think you're intentionally doing that, and for some reason I want to say that you're trying to avoid responsibility for your thoughts or actions. I have NO idea where I'm getting this, so I could be completely off.

I think that another component is that you're not sure what you can offer...so make a list.

--Frayed

FrayedEndOfSanity wrote:Hi PS,

I'm from the United States (I don't know if that matters, but I don't know where you're from), and in the city where I live, "being in a relationship" usually implies a sexual component. At least to me. I can't speak for everyone!

It varies, though. There are plenty of folks who have romantic relationships and don't do anything more than kiss until they're married. It's all about personal preference.


I'm not sure why you would only be attracted to the gorgeous ones. I mean, it's common for men to like the really pretty ones best, since men are (statistically) visually turned on.

Are you setting your standards that high intentionally? A couple possibilities for that could be "She's gorgeous, so the fact that she's with me validates me." Or, it could be that you're protecting yourself from rejection. Some folks set the bar high so that it doesn't hurt as bad when the girl says "no." Kind of like, "Oh, no big deal--I expected that." So, are you sure that you're not setting yourself an intentionally unreachable goal? Maybe you've forced yourself, by this point, to not consciously consider other women attractive--because of your no-premarital-sex lifestyle? But the really pretty ones still get through that wall you've built?

The thing I notice most is that you're letting women choose you, and not the other way around. And I don't think that it's simply because you're scared. I think you're intentionally doing that, and for some reason I want to say that you're trying to avoid responsibility for your thoughts or actions. I have NO idea where I'm getting this, so I could be completely off.

I think that another component is that you're not sure what you can offer...so make a list.

--Frayed

I think you are very close to the truth about me. You seem to have understood me even better than I do myself! But the question is why would I be trying to avoid responsibility for my thoughts or actions? What possible end would I be thereby pursuing? Do you have any insights into that? And what can I do to change it, if anything? How can I reassume responsibility for my thoughts and actions?

Another thing I've noticed about myself through introspection, is that for some reason I am afraid of being known by people. I therefore try to avoid getting to know people (except superficially and non-committally). Perhaps I use that as a defensive function. Perhaps if people know you, you become responsible towards them; and that is why I avoid being known - with the defensive purpose of avoiding responsibility.

By the way, are you a psychologist by profession? Are you male or female? (I guess you're female). Maybe we should continue this thread as PMs? (Here my paranoid streak is kicking in).