I think my coworker has HPD. How do I deal with her?

I'm 20 years old and work as a lifeguard/swim instructor at a swimming pool. I am pretty sure one of my co-workers has HPD. I don't think she or anyone else is aware of it though. Our job requires us to be in and out of the water often. You never see her without a face of make up on, even when she is the chlorinated water, she manages to get her makeup to look PERFECT. Often times, she will be found wearing very short shorts to work that you can see a little bit of her butt. She always has a brand new outfit and shoes whenever she comes in to work and when the odd time that she comes in to work without make up or fancy clothes, she will make it known that she thinks she look terrible and expects people to say that she in fact does not. She is unable to have female friends for a long period of time and the female friends that she chooses to have are usually very nice females who compliment her and follow her around. She is dating somebody from work and she is extremely protective of him. Every time a female co worker is talking to her boyfriend, she will watch until they stop talking. The other day, I overheard a conversation between her and a male co worker and the conversation went something like this:

Male coworker: "Do you have any plans for Christmas and New years?"
HPD co worker: "Well last year I went to the mountain with my ex boyfriend so this year I think I might go again with my boyfriend."

The male coworker was so very confused. I'll also add that she is very attractive and definitely uses her looks to get attention.

The moment that I met her, I knew something was off but I just never knew what until I heard about Histrionic Personality Disorder. I never paid much attention to her from the beginning because she seemed to only be able to talk about herself and always had some kind of drama going on involving work people. I stayed civil with her and said hi when I needed to but kept my distance all the other times. I think it bothered her that I didn't pay attention to her because after some time I sensed that she felt threatened by me. I am also considered an attractive female and get quite a bit of attention from men. There have been a few times where I have been in the centre of attention and she was not and, I think it's really getting to her because just the other day I realized that whenever I talked to a coworker she had to go and talk to that same coworker and then look at me to make sure that I saw her talking to that same coworker. She will also walk in front of me and hike up her shirt so you can see her butt and strut. I see her just blatantly staring at me from my peripheral vision all the time when we are working together. She will also ask me pointless questions like, "When are you off?" or "What's your shift?" I'm not really sure why though.

I try my very best to not anger her and do what she wants me to do (when times that she is a supervisor). But, the constant competing and silent war that is happening from her side is really starting to make me anxious! Especially, because she is moving up in the "lifeguarding world." I am terrified that she will do something to me. She's known to do very mean things to people she doesn't like.

kare_beaar,

IMO there is no magic pill to "fix" a HPD or other Cluster B PD'ed person. They are what they are and are unlikely to (ever) change.

So as I see it your choices are

1) To try and deal with her as well as you can. That is not foolproof. She may make your work life miserable or get your fired.

2) Seek alternative employment.

IMO talking to her will get you nowhere. PD'ed people aren't normal and normal conflict resolution techniques won't work with them.

Sorry but that's the bottom line IMO.

PS: If she gets angry with you, rightly or wrongly, you might get this.

Smear Campaigns, Part 1

HPD-Victim wrote:kare_beaar,

IMO there is no magic pill to "fix" a HPD or other Cluster B PD'ed person. They are what they are and are unlikely to (ever) change.

So as I see it your choices are

1) To try and deal with her as well as you can. That is not foolproof. She may make your work life miserable or get your fired.

2) Seek alternative employment.

IMO talking to her will get you nowhere. PD'ed people aren't normal and normal conflict resolution techniques won't work with them.

Sorry but that's the bottom line IMO.

PS: If she gets angry with you, rightly or wrongly, you might get this.

Smear Campaigns, Part 1

This is dead on and solid advice.
1) You can't talk to them because no matter what they will not change their mind. Their reality is different from yours; logic and reasoning don't work.

2) Because you can't help them or change them, there will never be any improvement. If by a miracle there is, it will be because they want it on their time. Nothing you ever say or do will move that timeline up.

3) HPD-V is deadly accurate about the smear campaign. I have been a victim of this. They are VERY creative and cunning. They use carefully placed lies to isolate people. An example of this would be telling someone something bad about you, but adding in a component that makes it so that this person could then never tell you about it. They are "secret lies". You won't know until the damage is done. Even if you pull back from the situation it won't help because it will just allow them to get more "secret lies" in without you knowing.

I've been the commander of military organizations with hundreds of people. I know leadership and management quite well. If a person with this type of disorder is your boss, she has the power to influence and do damage far beyond what you could ever hope to overcome. They specialize in taking power and control over people and that would give her the tools to do that in ways you do not want to live with. Maybe its time to get out of there.

kare_beaar wrote:I try my very best to not anger her and do what she wants me to do...

BTW some Cluster B's are masters at the art of ambiguity. Trying to do "what they want", understand what they want etc is pretty much impossible. Whatever you do/assume will be wrong.

In short ambiguity is a club with which they'll hit you with. It's always about power/control for them.

Now one can try and get things clarified. Didn't work for me but perhaps you'll have more luck.