ED forced me to find new ways to orgasm and my wife hates it

I'm 43, have 2 kids and have been with my wife for 11 years. I've had bad ED for about 3 years now and just cannot have an orgasm by masturbating by hand or traditional sex with my wife. About 2 years ago I read about ways to have a prostate orgasm and I thought why not give that a try? So I bought a magic wand and practiced everyday with it for about an hour pressing it firmly on my Perineum. After a couple weeks I discovered that I could have amazing orgasms masturbating this way and I could cum being completely flaccid. Well this started to cause issues with my wife as she thinks this is unnatural and detrimental to myself. Is what I'm doing truly detrimental? Or is it just an evolution of my sexuality?

Hello, and welcome to the forums!

Sorry to hear your wife is being a bit weirded out by this. But things are what they are, aren't they? If you have ED, or at least, inability to orgasm in a more traditional fashion, and nothing can be done about it, then it is what it is, and this brings pleasure to you.

Prostate orgasms can be awesome! But then, I'm bisexual (male) and well, I discovered I liked that sort of thing as a teenager. If whatever I could get my hands on fit, I'd sit.

TrainGuy78 wrote:she thinks this is unnatural and detrimental to myself. Is what I'm doing truly detrimental? Or is it just an evolution of my sexuality?

I know there's a stigma associated with it, and I can easily see a woman thinking it's 'gay'.

Is it unnatural? It's nerves, and pleasurable sensations. Is orgasm unnatural in the first place? Lord, you wouldn't be the first straight guy who liked a finger up the backside. I've heard of women doing that for their guys during fellatio. The prostate can be fun.

Is it detrimental? Getting used to having prostate orgasms might spoil you for trying the usual methods, but you already have problems with that. What works is what works. Are you being too rough with yourself? Then I don't see it being detrimental, unless she's holding out for some miracle cure of your orgasm issues.

An evolution of your sexuality... only you can answer that. You're not the first man to find out 'hey that's enjoyable!' quite apart from sexual orientation. Unless you find your sexual turn-ons to be changing, I don't see it as anything but discovering something that feels darn good. Of course, there's Pegging. But still that's between a girl and a guy.

Be nice if she gave a hand, not to make a pun about it- and helped you to enjoy it, instead of getting soggy and hard to light over it. My sympathies.

Do y'all still engage in other sexual play? Or do you think she's feeling left out?

No I don't think she is being left out. I want her I think she's extremely sexy and want her to like doing different things with me. I love giving her pleasure almost as much as getting mine. I would do anything she wished to her. But she is never the one to initiate and when I do she just says no I'm too tired. She does peg me sometimes and I love it and she's amazing at it but she never acts like she likes it. She just says that she does it to give me pleasure but I want to do butt things with her in return but she always denies me and I don't know why.

TrainGuy78 wrote:I want to do butt things with her in return but she always denies me and I don't know why.

If she did like it, I'd have responded by saying do whatever you can to keep her! I don't know any woman in my personal circle, that wants anything done with their backside. Yeah good luck on that.

You're 43. How old is she? Could she already be entering menopause? Some women have decreased libido when they start to go into The Change. So you might not just have her personal feelings about a fellow and butt play going on, but on top of that, decreased desire in general. I mean, you mentioned you enjoy pleasing her, and well, if you're like me, cunnilingus is not a chore by any means, under normal circumstances...

I'm afraid I may not be completely on the right page here- you mention ED, and orgasm issues. Is there difficulty in penetrative sex with her- obviously going to orgasm is an issue, but is there an issue with penetration? Is that something she could be hung up on, other forms of play (oral, toys) notwithstanding?