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I believe the guy I am dating may have ED... help!

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I believe the guy I am dating may have ED... help!

Postby californiamomof3 » Tue Jul 10, 2018 10:12 pm

Really need some help here. I haven't been in this situation before and don't know how to deal with it. I am 49 and have been dating a physician who I work with who is 61. We have only been dating for 2 months, both have been married and have kids. Both have been single for about 18 months.

He is physically fit, does not smoke, does not drink, and I don't think he has diabetes or a heart condition. We began going out to lunch and sometimes dinner by ourselves outside of a group of co-workers we used to socialize with. I really like his company a lot and I think he likes me - although at times he seems very nervous around me, I think he was beginning to loosen up.

We began watching movies at his house and mine late about 2 weeks into dating. I noticed that he was a bit physically distant, he would kiss me but then find a reason to get distracted with something else - say getting a drink of water, or whatever. Something always interrupted an intimate moment. But, when he would walk me outside to say goodnight or we would part ways in public, he would always embrace me intimately, kiss me longer, and as time went on touch my breasts, but never in our homes. I found it odd but tried not to think about it.

After about the 3rd week, we went into his hot tub, I had brought over a bathing suit because he mentioned it would be nice to do that after watching a movie. Once again he was sort of physically distant in the hot tub. When I went near him and kissed him, I sort of moved over toward his lap and could tell he was not hard. I didn't linger long because did not want to embarrass him. But it bothered me later on and I sort of realized maybe the lack of intimacy has a reason.

Fast forward to this past week. Over the 4th of July, he suggested going to a movie that didn't begin until 10pm. We were at his house and I live 45 min away. Maybe it was wrong to do this, but I sort of volunteered to sleep over. I didn't want to drive home on the holiday late at night. He didn't object but he didn't seem excited by that either. I also should mention, I was wearing a very cute and subtly sexy outfit that evening and he didn't seem to take note or touch me. Earlier that day I had gone up to him to kiss him in a romantic way and he almost pushed me slightly back so that I wouldn't be able to rub up against him while kissing him.

After the movie we went into his bedroom and I got into his bed (wearing pajamas). I don't know, I just didn't want to let this go on any longer without talking about it; maybe I should have offered to sleep in the guest room but I wanted answers.

As he was getting into bed, he told me "I'm a slow mover with these things". That opened the door for a discussion so I went with it. He told me that sex is really not that important to him, and also that he doesn't like to have sex without it being a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship; he didn't think we were there yet. He said "well we can sleep together and not fool around". The problem is, I don't really believe that answer. He had just introduced me to his family and close friends the day before, and I don't get the impression there is anyone else. He seems really into me and spending time together. His words didn't match his actions at all.

After that, he leaned into kiss me almost pushing me a bit back onto my back which was nice. But then he got up and went to do something (again with the distraction). After lights out, he cuddled up to me on and off. He never really lets his crotch get close to me though if you know what I mean.

If this was anyone else, I would probably come out and ask. But here's the thing.. this is a very well known doctor in my city, so I am putting myself in his shoes. If he does have ED, he probably would not want to go see anyone out of embarrassment. He's a very "manly" guy, 6'3" and in good shape, and he's into a lot of sports. He was divorced for 10 years in between his two marriages, and I know he went to Club Med and dated a lot of women - I don't believe this guy is simply not into sex or that he has some moral standard that would overtake his desire to have sex. Yet I cannot bring myself to come out and ask if that is the problem. To make matters worse, as I mentioned, we work together in some way. I know his staff very well. He may be terrified that it would somehow get out that he has this problem, if he in fact does.

Since that night that I slept over last week, we have not seen each other except at work. I felt sad and unwanted that night even though I know there has to be more to it. I'm in good shape and get asked out by men often. But I have to admit that it has put a damper on things and I really question if this guy even likes me. Does it sound like with the avoidance pertaining to sex that he has ED? If so what should I do? There is really no other explanation for his avoidance of sex - there is no religious issue and no STD (we talked about STDs one time just in general, and both voiced that we have never had one). If I do bring this up, what should I say? I'm afraid that things are so awkward now that we will just stop dating, and I like him and would hope to avoid that.
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Re: I believe the guy I am dating may have ED... help!

Postby RJPSJCA » Thu Aug 09, 2018 12:00 am

When you talk about your relationship together, how does he describe it?

Are you both in love?

On the ED question, what is his diet like (what does he typically eat for breakfast lunch and dinner)? This can be a very key issue with impotence, I've found.
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Re: I believe the guy I am dating may have ED... help!

Postby leonslowhand » Sat Sep 29, 2018 12:23 am

I see you posted this a few weeks ago, so you may be well past this problem...but...

Since your guy is a tall professional male in his early 60's, it could just be an ongoing ED issue that has seriously damaged the self image he probably has which is that of a dominant, virile male.

I have ED and have depended on Viagra, etc. for about 15 yrs or more. It is an incredibly embarrassing situation to be in.

I am now 65, but still very sexually active...fortunately, I have learned to be open and communicate about it at all times. I always take viagra to get going...but if it doesn't work, I have no problem telling my partner that I need to do a little more to get it going...or that it ain't gonna work at all...
But, if that happens I switch gears to full up focus on satisfying her...I feel great when I am doing things with my hands , tongue or whatever that she loves.

If you still need a bit of advice, I would tell you to go for it...invite him for drinks and get it all out on the table...starting with the premise that you are really interested and attracted to him and want to pursue the possibility of a committed relationship.

And if it is ED...there are a ton of medical and physical solutions out there that can help even severe cases of ED.
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Re: I believe the guy I am dating may have ED... help!

Postby Snaga » Sat Sep 29, 2018 9:59 pm

I'll wander in from the Anxiety forums and also mention, no matter what his past sex life, if you can't get it up even just one time.... that can get inside your head and become a kind of boner death-spiral. It could be he's suddenly become anxious, too. I know I have no physical impediments to having an erection- wake up hard, often. But anxiety just kills it under the least amount of pressure to perform for someone. And it's hard to stay outside of one's head while that's going on- it's doable, but takes a lot of effort on my part to not think about the thing I'm thinking about....
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