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Reporting my mother-in-law for Abuse

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Reporting my mother-in-law for Abuse

Postby mumpy42 » Wed May 09, 2007 4:31 am

I called a 24 hour hotline today and reported my mother-in-law for elder abuse and neglect towards her mother (my grandmother-in-law).
Over the years that I've been married to my husband, I have been disturbed by the fact that Grandma 'smells'. She won't bath herself and no one cares enough to make her. Even if they did make her I don't think she has the physical strength or mental capacity to do so. They don't clean up the dog feces in the backyard (never have) and then the dogs come in and sleep on grandma's bed and no one changes her sheets. Nor cleans the bathroom, or floors or any other part of that house. I stopped taking my kids over there. I thought they were going to get infected with some kind of Bio-hazard something.
Few years later grandma starts showing signs of dymentia. Forgeting time, friends, family. I was told by others that grandma used to be a social butterfly, and now, how odd they find it that she has no desire to leave the house and lays in bed sometimes for hours or days.
Last year grandma came over for Xmas and had taken her Insilin and not eaten. She went into shock during present opening. Had to call the paramedics. My mother-in-law was scolding her for being so dumb for not eating. The following Easter, she forgot to take her meds. Again got scolded and belittled for doing so.
Grandma's left home alone all day by herself. My mother-in-law works. Now come to find out that my mother-in-law (who is 50 and recently seperated from her husband) is now staying out of the house not only the duration of the time she is at work, but almost every other night staying out till 2am.
Then hear there is no food in the house for her to eat either when she is left alone. Last night I got a phone call from my sister-in-law staing that the phone at the house had been shut off. So now if something happens, grandma has no was to call for help.
Now mind you that between my mother-in-laws earrings from work, and grandma's $900 monthly check, all my mother-in-law has to cover is her $200 car payment, groceries, and the $50 phone bill.
Well needless to say I had it. That was it. I called and reported it. I wish I hadn't of waited this long. Any one of these things alone would be enough to call. And my husband's family (including my husband) just want to stand around and talk about how they think it's awful. They want to talk about the possibilities of danger to grandma. They want to talk about how something should be done. But they do nothing. And I did. And now they're all pissed at me. I know I did the right thing. And that's what I told them. But I still feel....I don't know.....like I betrayed them I guess.
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Postby mumpy42 » Wed May 09, 2007 2:48 pm

Thanks for you're reply. I know I did the right thing. My husband and his family are very dysfunctional. And their recation, or lack there of, to this neglect is disturbing. They were working towards getting into a nursing facilty, but they've been working on it for almost a year. It was just going to contiune and nothing was going to change. They were all just going to sit back and say how awful the situation was and do nothing about it. If they want to be upset with me about filing a report, that's fine. I care more about Grandmas well being and safety, than I do about what they think of me. And it's not even my Grandma! They never call us anyway so in actuality, if they stopped calling, I probably wouldn't even notice. The only time they do call it to tell me about horrible things that are happening. And I told my husband last night, that if they didn't want me to do anything, then they shouldn't have told me these things in the first place. If this was a child, there wouldn't be any question on wether or not I did the right thing for them. But Grandma is like a child in a lot of ways. In my eyes, there isn't any differance. It's just unfortunete that I had to do this a week before Mother's Day. But I bet, to Grandma, it might be the best Mother's Day present she ever receives. Even if no one else in that family appreciates it.
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Postby jocasey » Fri May 11, 2007 11:16 am

you did the right thing!..and if your family say any different tell them that if anything happens to this lady u will be able to sleep soundly knowing you did what you could..and that they wont.
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Postby mumpy42 » Fri May 11, 2007 1:45 pm

Thanks for everyone's support. This is what I needed. Although my side of the family and my friends are all supporting me in my efforts to have the situation remedied. It's nice to have outsiders as well confirm, that I did do the right thing. Thanks again to everyone.

A woman from social services called me to collect more information about the situation the day after I filed the report. They said they're job isn't to go in there and point fingers, but to get the situation fixed. They said that the funds coming into that house are more that enough to get Grandma whatever care she needs. I know that my husband's sister was taking the steps to have her placed somewhere, but this was going to be a slow proccess. She been working on it for almost a year. Now I know, with the phone call I made, Grandma's situation will be remedied NOW before some thing horrible happens. And like you said...I'll be able to sleep better at night.

Thank you again.
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Well done

Postby AnyJustice » Thu Aug 16, 2007 1:33 am

:D

Hi
What you did was a very brave thing. I wish more would act when they see elder abuse perpetrated to family members, friends or neighbours.

I would rather err on the safe side then to do nothing if I know or suspect anyone been abused.

Regards
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