I know I should just wait for the dr...

but i am a persistent researcher, and that includes on any medical stuff. My mom almost died of MRSA and I ate up all the reseacrh I could get on it. Anyhow. My first psych appt had the dr leaving me with depression and thinking i should take Prozac, which I turned down until i could research more. haha. Mainly I didn't think I was depressed, well, because I can be happy. Plus, I am irritable or angry more than sad. I mean, I am sad and angry today, but Iam also pms'ing and if cryign and sadness coems in, it is usually then. Most of the time, I just am not sad. Numb maybe at times, angry a fair amount, irritable waaaayyyyy too often. But I also get very happy, and very hopeful. I don't stay down.

That said, I don't meet the requirements for major depression right now (I have in the past) and I have been dealing with this thinking back, probably since 10-12. Its only gotten worse, it seems, especially over this past year, when my symptoms have skyrocketed. Even my hubby says they have. I have self injury issues, and I have had social issues as far back as 5-6, when I used to let friends walk all over me and wouldnt stand up to them, and it has only gotten worse to the point that soemtimes I get afraid to even talk to people. Other times its nto so much of a problem. Still, whatever this is, its been around a long time and it only sometimes seems to be as deep as moderate-major depression. Like I can still function readily, just not without feelign like I want to rip someones throat out frequently, or not without snappign at people for even so much as looking at me wrong. Unless I am havign soem of my joyful periods, then you cant get me down.

I guess dysthymia fits me better because of the length of time I have been dealign with it, but I am not always down...
seriously, i dont think I fit into any category, yet fit into them all.

Hi again,

Like I said in the other posts, check into cyclothymia.

Although, now that you mention the source of the anger, it might not be due to a mental illness. It could just be that you get fed up with not being able to stand up for yourself and then lash out after it's built up enough.

These angry outbursts can be difficult to separate from bipolar...I think that if you think really hard and find a root cause for something (like the anger, which appears to stem from social issues rather than a mental illness), then you'll be able to find a more accurate diagnosis together with your therapist.

--Frayed

The thing is, I lash out constantly. It doesn't have to build up, necessarily. Last night my husband said one thing wrong to me, and I started to roar, so to speak. Which led to me breaking down and bawling afterwards. It's just, meds are a biog deal to me, and I feel I need an accurate diagnosis before getting on them to make sure I need them and to make sure they are the right ones. I don't feel liek screwing aroudn with them, going through withdrawals, having to switch them up constantly if I don't need them or if I am treated with the wrong method. IMHO, meds are serious business.

You're right; meds are a serious thing. I also think that you're correct in the sense that the right diagnosis can help you get better meds.

The problem, though is that every person is different, so sometimes finding the right cocktail takes time...and withdrawal...and lots and lots of patience. But once that's found, you're usually good to go. Maybe some minor adjustments. Your neurochemistry is not your fault and nothing to feel bad about. It might be frustrating, but there is a high chance that you will get the correct meds. Especially since you mentioned being more specific with your therapist. Communication is a must.

--Frayed

I know. I really just need to chill out about it. I guess just researching it all and trying to figure it out makes me feel like i have some sense of control, plus i have seen too many drs make too many mistakes in my family to just accept without being informed. When my mom almost died i think the only thing that kept me even keeled was constant researching and fortunately i had a friend whose research was currently on what she had so i was getting info straight from the source. I know drs hate when we look things up, but i know how to read allthe scientific journal articles and understand them and so forth. I dont have the years of clinical experience, but i am highly intelligent and aware enough to know when i do or dont fit if i give it enough thought, and a simple diagnosis of depression, knowing that there are subtypes and that i dont fit them all is not good enough for me.

Haha. I think the dr picked up on that, err, i told him, and he started using more clinical words and asked me if that was better. It was. I hate things being dumbed down.

I'm glad that the doc became more receptive, and that he respects your insight and intelligence.

The physician and psychiatrist that I have actually respect that I do my own research. Honestly, I wouldn't pay money to a doctor who didn't respect my input. If a doctor thinks that he knows everything, to me, it's a sure sign that he most likely doesn't. And if s/he hates being (respectfully) questioned, then there's probably a reason for it--and not a good one.

I don't claim to be more of an expert than they are; but I DO expect my concerns to be addressed. As long as they are addressed, I'll keep paying them money.

This doesn't mean that I'll only listen to what I want to hear. It just means that I demand respect, even if I'm wrong.

Take care.

--Frayed

Hi,
Sorry I came in so late.
But as you might already know, one symptom of dysthymia is irritibility.
And I am one irritible bastard!
After years of this, I finally figured out that my irritibility and my tendency to blow up with no warning is simply built-up frustration.
If you bottle in your frustration, it works like a pressure cooker and a little extra push will result in a full-blown eruption.

And one way that happens is if you are one of those people who cannot stand up for one's self.
Like me. everything gets bottled up.

Would it be too simple to say that an outlet can help?
I would also think that being able to say what you feel at the moment will also keep the pressure down.