thinking it's stupid

I told my T about the time I was falling asleep and I heard the voice of a little mousy kid calling out to me. I was so tired I just decided to listen and I began a two way conversation with it. At first I thought I was just making it up and being silly but it had this depth to it that didn't feel like me. I started to feel scared and made myself fall asleep. My T said I never told him about it but when I did yesturday he all of a sudden scooted up in his chair and had this look of anticipation on his face and was smiling like he was proud of me or something. It was kinda weird. He told me to start speaking to them and asking inside. I feel very stupid when I do this telling myself things like "this is stupid and ridiculous, its only my imagination and crazy making" and then I'll find something to occupy my time and have bad anxiety at the thought of asking inside. I feel a lot fear and dread when I think of talking to these voices I think because I will feel crazy (I still question if I'm schizophrenic). I can somewhat funciton with the depersonalization and out of body experiences and not knowing my thoughts and all that but when I start to talk to the voices in my head?!?!?! C'mon! How could I not feel crazy?? 1/2 of me wants to listen...to know what's going on and the other 1/2 is so avoident of these parts it's near impossible to have any meaningful communication. Just feel stuck.

Those parts of you really need you. Don't think of it as stupid. They are traumatized parts that need someone to care. Be that person.


Here is a great video to watch. Schizophrenia and DID are not alike. I adore this man! I wish he would do something on DID and have communicated this to him. His focus is stress on humans and what disorder is due to more stress than DID? I think none.

Sapolsky is finishing up another lecture, so move forward a bit to find the lecture on Schizophrenia.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEnklxGAmak



Who is Sapolsky? A smart man. Listen to him.

More:
Sapolsky is currently the John A. and Cynthia Fry Gunn Professor at Stanford University, holding joint appointments in several departments, including Biological Sciences, Neurology & Neurological Sciences, and Neurosurgery.

Sapolsky has received numerous honors and awards for his work, including the prestigious MacArthur Fellowship genius grant in 1987, an Alfred P. Sloan Fellowship, and the Klingenstein Fellowship in Neuroscience. He was also awarded the National Science Foundation Presidential Young Investigator Award and the Young Investigator of the Year Awards from the Society for Neuroscience, the International Society for Psychoneuro-Endocrinology, and the Biological Psychiatry Society.

In 2007 he received the John P. McGovern Award for Behavioral Science, awarded by the American Association for the Advancement of Science.

In 2008 he received Wonderfest's Carl Sagan Prize for Science Popularization. In February 2010 Sapolsky was named to the Freedom From Religion Foundation's Honorary Board of distinguished achievers.

It's pretty normal to feel crazy and stupid at the idea of talking to those voices inside. Denial is really strong in most people with DID. It's really easy to think things like "what if it means I'm schizophrenic" or any other number of questioning statements.

The best way I think to get around this problem is to try it. Sure you might feel stupid talking to voices in your head, but what harm can it do? If you were schizophrenic, talking to the voices isn't going to make your symptoms any different. If it's DID, talking to the voices might help things to gradually get better. Sure you might feel stupid, but you've not got a lot to lose if it's only going to make you feel better or stay the same.

This is the way I always combat my denial about DID. I always say to myself, "I will just treat it like it is DID and do the things I need to do for that. If it makes me better, that's great. If it has no effect, then I haven't lost out on anything".