Alters not who I think they are? More alters?

(Owl) Hello. This post is difficult for me to write, but I'm going to try and express my thoughts the best I can.

When I first "discovered" my alters, I was 15. I named them by emotions or how they behaved. Once no new feelings came to the surface, I gave my alters names. 17 I broke up with my SO who knew about my DID and who talked with my alters. I made new friends at 18, but didn't tell them about my alters, who kinda stopped being as present in my life. I began to get lonely, without feeling/hearing my alters, so I started to think about them and do things I knew triggered them. Then at 19 I found this site and made online friends who I could talk to about my alters.

Sometimes, like today, my alters will be really talkative, and I'll hear distinct voices, but not be able to fit them into the alters I thought I had. Asking "who are you" gets no answer. But I think I may even be blocking myself from hearing it, because I'm afraid of my alters breaking the views I had of them previously. I want to know how many alters I have and who they are.

Here are some characteristics I can't currently fit into the idea of who I thought my alters were.

- someone emotionless who regards social interaction as constant manipulation.
- someone who says rude and inappropriate things
- someone smart, honest, but who also doesn't care a lot about other's feelings

These are 3 different alters, but I don't know which ones.

Sorry if this post is confusing. If you have any questions, I will try to clarify later on. Thank you for reading.

I pretty much am new to the whole DID thing, I've had it for awhile but no one really explained everything. But for me, the one alter I know for a fact I have, Kai, seemed to grow up with me. I knew of her since I was 15. but she always just been the opposite of me and comes out when I can't handle whats going on. She my protector. Maybe your alters grew up a little to? and things changed their personality a little??

After Jen disappeared, when I finally woke her up, she was a little different than I remember her too. She isn't as talkative to me as she used to be, and she also isn't as focused on some of the things that practically defined her in my mind last time. I don't know if things just changed and she just isn't focused on those things anymore and I just didn't see the more important things defining her, or if she changed some time through all that happened, even though she wasn't there consciously. But either way, it's not scary to see them in a new light. Just remember that they are still the same people, even if you're seeing a side now that you didn't know was there.

And if they are new alters, the only way to know is to accept that neither result is bad and open yourself to listening to what they say. Take the chance - neither one is as bad as it seems. On the one hand, you get to meet new people. On the other hand, you get to learn new, unexpected things about the people you already know so well. Either way, it can be interesting. Besides, there is little worse for someone than to be feeling rejected and then to get blocked out when you are asked to express yourself, right? ^^ So try to show them that you accept them, and listen to what they have to say, whoever they are. It will be ok.

When I was a teen, I knew about 3 alters, but know that I understand DID and have been really looking inside and evaluating life, I'm discovering MANY more than I ever thought. My T says alters are stuck at the age and parts grow up with the body . .. . She also says that for every alter, there is usually a part that mirrors it. . . I don't understand this yet, but I'm trying to figure it all out. I'm using pinterest to try to sort out who is who.

Thank you everyone for responding! it really helps and makes me feel less alone in this.

Fracturedself wrote:She also says that for every alter, there is usually a part that mirrors it. . . I don't understand this yet, but I'm trying to figure it all out.

Whoa, that's really interesting. I'll have to ask my therapist about this!

Fracturedself wrote: I don't understand this yet, but I'm trying to figure it all out. I'm using pinterest to try to sort out who is who.

Cool Some of our alters have tumblrs.

Tunes14 wrote:After Jen disappeared, when I finally woke her up, she was a little different than I remember her too. She isn't as talkative to me as she used to be, and she also isn't as focused on some of the things that practically defined her in my mind last time. I don't know if things just changed and she just isn't focused on those things anymore and I just didn't see the more important things defining her, or if she changed some time through all that happened, even though she wasn't there consciously. But either way, it's not scary to see them in a new light. Just remember that they are still the same people, even if you're seeing a side now that you didn't know was there.

Interesting. Glad to hear I'm not the only one who has had something like this happen. I have tried to take your advice and keep an open mind, and this morning I felt clearer-minded than usual and I felt like more alters identified themselves to me.

Tunes14 wrote:Besides, there is little worse for someone than to be feeling rejected and then to get blocked out when you are asked to express yourself, right? ^^

You are super right about that! I have struggled with this because I'm terrified of "creating alters" or getting them wrong. I'm really not sure why.

Shadowpriestess22 wrote:I knew of her since I was 15. but she always just been the opposite of me and comes out when I can't handle whats going on. She my protector. Maybe your alters grew up a little to? and things changed their personality a little??

I think that has definitely happened, I have seen my alters grow, change and evolve, and maybe I'm just unaware of some of the changes.

Thanks again everyone, and I hope you are all well!