Had a fight with my fiance

Kicked Puppy (my depressed alter) came out yesterday and my fiance got frusterated because when she comes out I'm miserable for days. Anyways, he called her "bad" and "worthless" and I can't really fight it because the only thing good about her is she lets me cry but she goes WAY overboard with it. It's a nightmare. It's hell on me, and hell on my fiance.

He went to his friends house and we got into a heated text message fight. I was in hystarics, and he seemed...defensive?

Anways, we didn't get to talk about the fight and I woke up today as Zombie....the alter that can't feel anything. I feel lost really deep inside myself, but I don't feel any type of emotion right now. And I don't want to find my way back into my body to face the depressive state I know I'm in. I'd rather be like this - emotionally dead. I know I'll oventually have to face facts and deal with this, but right now, I want the comefort of my shell.

((Big Safe Hugs)) Calling others names is not acceptable, there are better ways to deal with frustration than resorting to blame and name calling.

It's true though. She brings nothing good to the system, and ends up causing a bunch of chaos and drama. She feels worthless all the time, and she knows she's not doing the system any good but she refuses to change.

-- Mon Jul 16, 2012 3:26 pm --

Well, that's not true. She's slowly learning some coping techniques but it's going so slowly.

*more safe hugs*
Even though it seems like Kicked Puppy is causing so much trouble, I promise you she is not worthless. She has reasons for her behavior, and I'm sorry it's so slow and painful to find out what they are. It sounds like this fight brought up a lot of painful emotions for you.

The bottom line, though, is that Kicked Puppy is making progress and, despite this argument, your SO cares deeply for you. It is really good that you recognize how hard this could be for him, as well as how hard it is for you. I'd suggest letting him know he is appreciated, if you haven't already and I'm sure he will be forgiving, and maybe even apologize for insulting Kicked Puppy.

Shortly after we discovered her, Lion, my alter, was always mean. Viciously mean to the other alters and my current girlfriend. I don't remember much about that time, but we in the system were pretty mean to her back. In time we learned how her attacks were misguided attempts to help us, and we came to a mutual agreement. Mind you, this was almost two years later, but it is possible. There may come a day when Kicked Puppy learns to communicate her needs in a way that is easier on others, and her reason for being becomes clear. Until then I wish you strength, and know that we here on psychforums are rooting for you all.

I brought this up to my therapist and came up with some pretty drastic conclusions. Kicked Puppy's job is to get sad for EVERYONE. None of my other alters get sad. All the depression gets dumped into Kicked Puppy's lap. And we also descovered why coping skills don't work because she's a child. So that's why nothing we've tried works to calm her down. Anyways, I have a newfound respect for Kicked Puppy, and I'm sorry that I was saying bad things about her too.

Awesomeness!

w4rp3dh4l0 wrote:Anyways, I have a newfound respect for Kicked Puppy, and I'm sorry that I was saying bad things about her too.

I'm really glad to read this. I wanted to jump to Kicked Puppy's defense but it looks like I don't really need to.

I'm glad you have managed to work this through with your T.

B

I am sorry he called her bad and worthless; that is totally uncalled for, and I am glad you have discovered that she isn't worthless. I hope your relationship with her can now begin to improve.

After talking (when I was calm) to him about it, he wasn't calling Kicked Puppy worthelss or bad, he was saying the way she deals with her emotions are worthless and bad. Kicked Puppy took it personally.