Ponderings......

Well I couldnt sleep last night and when I cant sleep I start trying to figure things out

I know alot about my childhood from work I have done with a therapist in the past and the help of my alters during those times and I have never had a total blank anyway about some events some I only know of because I have been told thats to be expected I know.

What started to bug me last night is this...even as a kid I saw therapists and even spent two seperate times in the hospital for different reasons normally evaluations. HOW could no one in my whole childhood seen this or addressed it somehow all these professionals heck even my parents did they see the difference or just ignore them. i know my alters come from different times and events in my life so they were there they always have been....why doe sit take so long for some to recognize even in themselves the differences.

Ok just curious and sleep deprivation ramblings but has anyone else ever wondered about these things.

Personally I think that society puts a lot of stuff that happens with kids/teenagers down to being a "phase" or being "hormones". I saw a psychiatrist as a young teenager and was told things that I struggled with were a "habit". A bad habit I was going to grow out of. I still haven't.

What started to bug me last night is this...even as a kid I saw therapists and even spent two seperate times in the hospital for different reasons normally evaluations. HOW could no one in my whole childhood seen this or addressed it somehow all these professionals heck even my parents did they see the difference or just ignore them.

I know, me too!

**May trigger**

I do know my mom is incredibly manipulative, even as an adult, the myth of the all loving mother clouded my Ts perception and effected my dx. As in; no mother could do that I am merely a paranoid schizo who obviously has delusions of abuse. (hence etc. at siggy )

The same with the Ts when I was little, said I was lying or exaggerating in regards to the abuse. Mom would cry about me being a "disturbed" child to the T, a child sociopath, so they treated me as such. There job was to break me down to do what my parents wanted, one T did eventually figure it out, and told me to just "fake being like her," to keep my real self hidden as mom couldn't handle me being different. With dad, my childhood T laughed about how I called my dad evil. I mean wtf? I tried to recontact him(T) to find out more from my childhood, but my mom tried to blackmail him into illegal activities a few years ago and hadn't returned any contact from me since. ugh.

Why he didn't call CPS is beyond me. Or with teachers, it was a result of my "ADD or Dyslexia/LD," I "misunderstood" the situation, poor family, with their "retarded" child.
***end triggers**


Sorry to turn this into a rant, but this is such a trigger for me. I can relate, and have wondered as well.

I do know my mom is incredibly manipulative, even as an adult, the myth of the all loving mother clouded my Ts perception and effected my dx. As in; no mother could do that I am merely a paranoid schizo who obviously has delusions of abuse. (hence etc. at siggy )

Wow yeah I can relate to that alot as well as other things that you said as well. I know i was considered Hyper and medicated and was told to have things done to me that never should have come from some professional thats supposed to be helping a child......Unfortunately I think the mental profession directed at kids is more directed towards who is paying the bill. I remember reading a report several years ago from a state run hospital where I was sent not at the direction of my parents but the state after we had gotten in some trouble and the diagnosis was ineffective parenting LOL yes go figure anyone could have determined that without a degree.

Sadly back in the 70's and early80's professionals were not required to call and report abuse situations so many didn't I never should have been adopted into that house in the first place but that is another different story.

I think that yes they (the parents) knew there were things off but had no clue how to deal with it what they were dealing with or even the scope of the whole problem...thats not excusing things they did in the alternative or thier own actions but looking at it from an outside point of view which I have to do as well while so much cant be justified some of it can by ignorance and a lack of desire or caring I guess.

taraleigh111 wrote:HOW could no one in my whole childhood seen this or addressed it somehow all these professionals

i think back in the generations the awareness of child abuse and the effects were alot limited then it is today. I know personally when i was a child i didnt have the voice or the understanding to say well this, this and that is going on. instead i was left with a bunch of symptoms i have no way to comprehend and i think the professionals were just as confused as to what was going on with me as i was. I mean, heck i had one specialist tell my mother it "must be" (with no testing done) frontal lobe seizures and thats why she phases out.
But luckily today there is such a hugh awareness its harder for long term abuse to go under detected. The system has cracked down hard teaching the signs and the symptoms to the justice system and the education system, as well as the medical professions so early intervention can occur. Hense why so many kids are in care which is very sad.

taraleigh111 wrote:why doe sit take so long for some to recognize even in themselves the differences.

I know for me i spend most of my life in a fog, stuffing things away and not making it a point to answer some of hardest questions as to what was going on. and that always drove me farther into being in an unaware state. I think most of this stems from my childhood. If the adults around me didnt understand what was going on with me, then how was i to understand? If the adults around me treated me like a singleton, then how was i to see otherwise?
anyways thats just some of my thoughts around those questions.. hope they helped at all.