Suggestions, please?

Ok, so a weird thing happened yesterday. I had an occurance that may or may not have been the appearance of an alter. The story is kinda long, but I'mnot sure how I should respond...

So I was going shopping with my stepmom yesterday, for nothing in particular, just to look around in the cute little shops in town. And we were smoking some marijuana. We do frequently over here, and since it helps with my insomnia, I usually smoke at night,but it's far from the first time I smoked during the day,but nothing like this has ever happened before.

I can remember suddenly feeling like a kid. And while feeling childish is not something uncommon for me, as I have always been a bit immature, actually feeling like I am a kid is another story. I felt like I could have pushed the feeling away,but for one reason or another didn't. I noticed a number of differences,for example I wanted to avoid talking, I ate slower, and I was far more interested in playing tangrams on my nook than looking at the wonderful mountain/forest/lake scenery up here. My memory of the day is fuzzy, but Idid not black out (as far as I'm aware), and I never went inside. On the way back home, I remember that all I had bought were a large number of disney movies, and I had this overpowering urge to watch Bambie. That's seriously all I wanted, was to watch Bambie. We got home and upon discovering that the only VHS player we have doesn't play tapes anymore, only eats them, within a couple minutes,I was feeling back to my normal self and I haven't had any weird experiences since.

On the one hand, I have never had a reaction like that to marijuana. Ever. And if she was an alter, shecertqinly seems like the type to not come forward or really care if she's in or out. In fact, she didn't even seem to have a sense of identity. I mean, she answered to my name, but she felt no personal attachment to it, nor did she have a name of her own. In fact, if anything, the best way I can put it is that she just was. So it wouldn't be unreasonable that she was hiding amd never came out. But on the other hand, it was drastically different from the way things have previously worked in my system. I asked Jen about it and she knew nothing of another and told me not to get carried away and make one (what faith she has in my mental stability). Also, our internal world literally consists of only a dimly lit hallway with two doors - one room for each me and Jen. I have a window in my room, but it'sfake: a piece of glass with scenery painted on it. That's all there has ever been. And Jen says that there isno third door and she searched everywhere she could think to search, and there doesn't seem to be an exit of any kind. So if she did exist, we cqn't findany place that she might stay.

So if she doesn't exist and there is some other explanation for what I experienced (maybe marijuana can do that and it just hasn't before, maybe it was just a moment of really bad dissociation, Idk), then I don't want to start alarming people and messing with it and, god forbid, somehow doing what Jen was concerned about. But if she does exist, I don't want to make her feel rejected. Any suggestions on how to progress here?

I see you still have no responses. I would assume, like me, others are listening but just don't have a good answer. Just letting you know you're heard.

Thanks. Your reply is very much appreciated. ^_^

When it comes to drugs, I stay well clear. I do not trust its effects at all. It is possible that the drug relaxed you enough to give yourself access to another portion of your dissociated mind; but who knows when it is drug induced.

B

-- Sat Jun 23, 2012 2:35 pm --

Maybe I am too reductionistic when it comes to drugs... but I find it hard to separate between what is a 'real' event and what is manufactured from drugs. I don't mean for this to sound so harsh and blunt I just don't feel I can say much more.

I hope that is okay,

B

i can understand your concern since you havent had this experience before after smoking. but again it is possible smoking could of caused this altered state as well. i know many times i have switched when drinking etc. and i knew i had switched as well. i think at this point its nothing to worry about as it only happened once and you were high. if i was you i would write the experience down and if it is another alter eventually she would come back out possibly when your not high. i wouldnt get too worried about it but just see it for what it is. it might of been another alter and it might of been the pot.

i thought of something else. perhaps after smoking something in your environment triggered a time in your childhood. so you felt like a child again. i dont think thats too uncommon under the influence. it wouldnt mean another alter just you relieving a time when you were younger. nothing wrong with that, its good to let lose and feel childlike. but what ever it might be it doesnt sound like it was a bad experience!

To bourbon:
You didn't sound harsh at all. I completely understand your feelings on it. In fact, that's why I felt the need to ask at all. But I was feeling kinda dumb for not knowing, so I'm glad you posted. It gave me some confirmation that there is reason to question. Thank you.

To illuminate.obscurity:
I would honestly have dismissed it if it only lasted while I was high. That's the thing, is that it didn't go away when the high wore off. This state of mind lasted around 3 hours. And I don't have a high tolerance for the drug, so I don't think I could have smoked more than enough to last an hour without passing out. That's why I use it to sleep, I usually pass out when I smoke much.

But I was considering just not responding and waiting to see if anything happens again while I'm not high (I considered many things), but I'm afraid that if she is real, what if she takes that as denial and feels rejected? Or amybe I actually have to actively reject her for her to know the difference...? Idk. Maybe I'm overthinking it anyway...

And no, it wasn't bad, certainly. Quite the contrary. It was interesting, vaguely relaxing. I wasn't worried until after the fact when I wasn't sure what to do about it. But your suggestion does make sense, so I suppose that's how I'll progress. Don't alarm anyone, stop thinking about it, and deal with it if it come up again in the future, preferable while I'm not high...

Thank you all very much for your replies. I really do appreciate it.

illuminate.obscurity wrote:i thought of something else. perhaps after smoking something in your environment triggered a time in your childhood. so you felt like a child again. i dont think thats too uncommon under the influence. it wouldnt mean another alter just you relieving a time when you were younger. nothing wrong with that, its good to let lose and feel childlike. but what ever it might be it doesnt sound like it was a bad experience!

*nods* It's really hard to pinpoint, at this stage, whether it was an alter, or a dissociative experience. I think it's safe to say, alter or not, that it was triggered by the marijuana. Our alter, Kyo, is often only fully out when we have high adrenaline, or have ingested caffiene. This doesn't make him less of an alter, and we haven't figured out why it is >< but chemical changes can be responsible for triggering alters, switching, AND childhood flashbacks.

I think it's really telling that you bought a bunch of Disney movies. It shows that this experience was more than just a feeling, that it was strong enough to control your actions and impulses.You were obviously in a different state of mind, whether it can be called an alter or not is unsure.

Tunes14 wrote:maybe it was just a moment of really bad dissociation, Idk), then I don't want to start alarming people and messing with it and, god forbid, somehow doing what Jen was concerned about. But if she does exist, I don't want to make her feel rejected. Any suggestions on how to progress here?

I'm not entirely sure what it was, but I think leaving your options open is the best way to proceed. Now that you are aware of these feelings, you may experience them more frequently, or not, who knows? But if you do, don't blame yourself. No one "creates an alter" for no reason, so if one forms, don't blame yourself, because there is a good reason for their appearance. And, maybe they have been there for a while, and just unseen, unheard, even unaware of themselves. Alters can experience identity and consciousness differently that others, and people.

Tunes14 wrote:Also, our internal world literally consists of only a dimly lit hallway with two doors - one room for each me and Jen. I have a window in my room, but it'sfake: a piece of glass with scenery painted on it. That's all there has ever been. And Jen says that there isno third door and she searched everywhere she could think to search, and there doesn't seem to be an exit of any kind. So if she did exist, we cqn't findany place that she might stay.

Is it possible that her existence is outside/unaware of your inner hallway/rooms? That she exists on a different plane of consciousness in your mind? I think our minds are changing and adjusting, and keeping a stable place like this hallway is necessary and accurate, but may be open to adjustment in time. That's my theory, anyway. Our inner world is constantly changing >< but mostly because we can't all agree on anything! ><;;

-- Sat Jun 23, 2012 3:55 pm --

Sorry, we easily get distracted on tangents. Anyhow, I think what we're trying to say is. Now that you have conceived the specific possibility of a new alter, it will be hard to avoid those thoughts, and yes, they could influence your thinking. But I tend to believe that if your mind does go in the direction of a new alter, that it needs it on some level.
However, also, if nothing like this happens again, it could have been special circumstances.
And, finally, maybe you will have more of these episodes and prefer to view them as an reoccuring experience/feeling that is not an alter. It just takes time to make things clearer. Best of luck and lots of *hugs!*

Thanks for the hugs, input, and tangent. I am the same way, when I start talking, it's hard to know where to stop. My mind just goes and I go with it. But I also don't mind reading long posts. So it all works. Lol.

And I'm glad you caught on with the Disney movies. That's what I was trying to express with the slower eating and tangrams over scenery. They are things I don't normally do. I mean, I love the scenery out here and I have tried to eat slow before. I'm incapable. So it was very strange for me. But it didn't feel strange at the time. It seemed strange in the sense that I know it's different, but it felt natural. It was weird.

I'm also glad you commented on the thing that Jen said too. It's really been weighing on my mind. Because I already have this denial issue as it is. I worry that I'm making up Jen as it is. She thinks I'm being ridiculous when I talk about it, but her comment about me creating an alter by thinking about it is something that really struck me. So it's a comforting thought that it's not something I have to worry about trying to avoid.