Hey,Im new and have DID

I'm 20 years old,(Im not diagnosed for it and I cant afford to be)I have always been alone ever since I can remember(well,I usually had one friend,but one person can't be around you all the time or ignore the rumors that float around your head)I have always wondered why people never wanted be around me.Even when I smile and happy,people don't want to hang out with me,I have been told I look like a serial killer or someone who will do some thing crazy.At this rate they will be right.Even when girls like me and I try to talk to them,I can see the fear in the eyes,Ive done nothing wrong,stop treating me like I have done something wrong,I guess some of us are supposed to be solitary beings.(I have accepted this and realized that maybe this is who i'm supposed to be,dont get me wrong,Im not complaining but humans are social beings and you have to have some kind of social interaction with someone or you will go insane)the one friend one I have left lives in chicago so even though Im technically not alone,Im alone.If I could just have someone to talk then my stress level would decrease by a ton and I wouldnt care if no one noticed me in real life.I probably should mention that I have to literally guide myself in this life,I have to tell myself to think before reacting,stop doing things when your nervous,listen and think about something if you know your gonna do something stupid if you do it fast.stop spacing out in public,stop staring at everyone(it freaks people out or they get the wrong idea)I honestly can focus really good if I talk to myself out loud,I actually feel more intelligent or clear headed when I do it(or maybe its just a false comfort)If I dont communicate with myself in public,Im gonna look stupid,so should I start talking to myself in public?(only when making decisions or when im confused?)

I forgot to mention when I talk to people that are my peers,I feel like they're more worthwhile than I am,as if they have more depth to their personality than I do.

okay I came on too strong,let me start over,Hey my name is jordan,anyone want to give advice on how they manage themselves on a day to day basis.How do you guys deal with yourselves when you switch,how do you stay focused in the public eyes.

formybrothersjot wrote:okay I came on too strong,let me start over,Hey my name is jordan,anyone want to give advice on how they manage themselves on a day to day basis.How do you guys deal with yourselves when you switch,how do you stay focused in the public eyes.

Hi Jordan,

What do you mean stay focused in the public eyes? As in, don't look any different? I guess I don't have dramatic switches in public and when I do -- I don't really care... lol.

As in dont do something that will make people think Im stupid.

-- Wed Jun 20, 2012 4:52 pm --

Hi Jordan,

What do you mean stay focused in the public eyes? As in, don't look any different? I guess I don't have dramatic switches in public and when I do -- I don't really care... lol.[/quote]

so you just allow yourself to switch and not care if anyone notices it?

formybrothersjot wrote:so you just allow yourself to switch and not care if anyone notices it?

I allow myself to switch if I am in a park and there aren't many people around and a little wants to feeds the ducks,.... yeah.

But if I'm at work... obviously I don't allow that to happen.

So it all depends on context.

is it bad that I don't name my alters?Like I'm not choosing to not acknowledge my true selves?

formybrothersjot wrote:is it bad that I don't name my alters?Like I'm not choosing to not acknowledge my true selves?

Let's not split things into good and bad.

At the moment you don't want to name your alters (or appreciate that they may already have names) because you are weary of acknowledging them. It won't stay that way forever; I get the impression you are still learning about DID and getting your head around it. In time I think you will feel comfortable accepting the alters (and their names) into your life.

I guess what I'm saying is by not giving my other personality a name am I actually hurting myself because I don't know who my true self is anymore.the one that acts like a child is the one who is predominately in control when I'm alone at home,the one that is serious and has a deeper voice comes out when people make me nervous or I feel the need to protect or manage myself.I also have one personality who is more selfish and has a 'love only myself and I will be okay attitude"it really feels good to tell someone everything without feeling like I'm condemning myself.I was gonna post this before I saw your new post but I'm posting it anyway.yes,the more I talk about it the more comfortable I feel about myself.Now,I just need to start knowing how to deal with myself when I'm having conflicts of interest with myself(us lol)

formybrothersjot wrote:is it bad that I don't name my alters?Like I'm not choosing to not acknowledge my true selves?

they might already have names. you might just be unaware of it.