T says I don't have trauma

(Suzumi) I have been very concerned about some of my other alters lately based on things they have said. Mika has insisted he wants to stay in a hospital, just to get away from all the stress and pressure and pretending of daily life. I haven't heard the greatest thing about hospitals, but I brought it up with my T to get her input. She told me about one in the same state in which I live. She said she didn't know how much use it would be to me because to treat DID, hospitals focus on dealing with trauma and then she said that I had no trauma. I generally don't feel emotions like anger or sadness, but I could tell something wasn't right on the inside. After our session Akihiro exploded (inside, of course) he said, "She doesn't know what the f*** she's talking about! We (he and the others) don't tell Suzumi (me) sh**!"

[disclaimer: since this is an emotional issue for us, the input of several alters may be heard below, I will try to mark it, but I probably won't get 100%]
(Suzumi here)
I had liked things about this T (I'm new to seeing her, this was our third appointment) but when she said this, doubts spring up all over. If she thinks we don't have trauma, then she has entirely misunderstood how our system works. I front the system. Our main problem is that most negative emotions and crises are heavily repressed in the back. In the the relationship we just left, our reaction to verbal abuses from our partner was to repress large amounts of hurt and betrayal on the spot, which is something we've been doing in smaller amounts since childhood. In elementary school, showing sadness or hurt was akin to weakness, and showing anger would result in other people's hurt and embarrassing mistakes. I had some severe medical problems as a child and had surgery as an infant, and again as a young child. My parents said I hardly cried. I remember nothing. Sorry, I'm getting upset here. I discovered my alters after someone I'd been close friends with for years had a mental breakdown "on me" I tend to say, because she said horrible things to me and attacked me. After that day, I ended my friendship with her and became aware of distinct voices that I used to brush off as "my imagination" the voices became louder, clearer, and soon I noticed distinctions between them. This was how I discovered my alters.

(Natsumi) My problem now, as I may have said above, is that my alters, and the feelings they carry don't get expressed. I suppose I shouldn't expect my therapist to know this. But she made feel like I don't fit in anywhere.
After 3 sessions, I have obviously not told my T everything, however I think it's a bad idea for her to jump to conclusions or even say something like "no trauma".
If it were true, I should be thankful. But if it's true, then I have no reason to have alters, which makes me a pathetic fake.

(Mika) Which I am not.

(suzumi) We don't throw tantrums, we don't yell at people. If we are upset, it manifests as a slight irritability. I feel so cramped. I know the others are bursting at the seams, but I can't seem to let go.

I haven't been reading many threads lately so I apologize if you have already said but are you formally diagnosed with DID? If you need to go inpatient, it would be good to go to one that has a program for treating trauma and dissociation, or just dissociation.

doe-eyed wrote:After 3 sessions, I have obviously not told my T everything, however I think it's a bad idea for her to jump to conclusions or even say something like "no trauma".

It is incredibly premature/presumptious and all the rest to make such a strong statement after talking to you all for 3 sessions... I would worry about her willingness to make such strong assumptions - definitely not ideal therapy material?

No wonder you all feel up tight and confused and upset and all the rest...

Are you able to get a "second opinion" so to speak?

B

@Una+ I am not formally diagnosed. How would I go about that? I think it might help my parents, when I wanted to tell them.

Also, I looked into the hospital, and it appears to only have a trauma program. Does anyone know of any good hospitals for dissociation? We're only half-considering it at this point, but I think it's worth looking into.

@bourbon Thank you both for your responses. I am relieved to hear you agree that this was an inappropriate thing to say on the part of my T. The first T I saw gave me the names of some T's she knew that specialized in dissociation. One of them was full, the other was not accepted by my insurance, so the cost would be high. However, I think it may be worth it if this T doesn't work out. I'd have to convince my parents of that >< so far they only know about my eating disorder, not my DID. So I've been using that when telling them of my therapeutic pursuits. I will certainly consider trying this other therapist....I got a good vibe from her website...

doe-eyed wrote:I am not formally diagnosed. How would I go about that?

The first step would be to contact those therapists recommended to you who specialize in treating dissociation, to request an assessment. There are several good instruments available to specialists, and there is a very good screening tool also, the DES, that you can use online. See link below. You can get a head start by printing out your DES to take with you when you see one of the specialists.

A therapist who does not understand dissociation could do you more harm than good by trying to "explore" your trauma.

DID Forum: Dissociative Experiences Scale

My current T told me she has 5 years experience with DID patients. Thanks for the resource! I took the test and scored 38.