"Why don't you just integrate?" RANT

BeckyLuv wrote:I am so sorry there are people out there that do not know how to respect others privacy over sensitive subjects, they do not seem to think. I know I would be really upset if anyone we confided in turned around and told others about it without even asking our permission. A whole congregration WOW! why did they not put it in the paper?? sarcasim

that boy friend was lucky you do not have an angry protector to come out and let him have it

Becky

LOL on that subject my partner does have an angry protector. He's the best at it too! He only cares about my partners well-being.... he's a wonderful ally sometimes. When he was in the mental hospital this meth head who somehow got in the mood disorder/personality disorder/depression (nonviolent) wing.... started trying to touch my partner inappropriately. His alter did a one hit Knock out on the perv, then when my partner went to the er to be checked out he had urinated on himself out of fear from that guy, and the nurses left him in those clothes all day, so when my partner called me from the hospital and just mentioned in passing that he was still in his soiled clothes 8 hours later and the nurses excuse was there were no scrubs his size that they could get that were clean. So his alter overheard this, and went over to the nurses station and raised holy hell, and ended getting two nurses written up, an abuse report, an insurance grievance report, and they were both put through training again! Sometimes the protective alters are life-savers when you can't be there for them!

feeling-empty wrote:And besides, how is he supposed to cope with this? How oh how is he going to support me through all of my problems? He's so tired of people asking him about how I am and needs someone to talk to about my DID because it's wearing him down so much. Which, he says, completely justifies him telling his mother and sister and friends about my most personal secret. A secret that isn't his to tell.

I can understand why a person might tell... ONE person that they know and trust to keep their mouth shut about it. It really is something that sometimes affects other people, too. I agree that he should have asked first... but if he'd told one person, I myself would have have seen why. Some people do need someone else to talk to. But many different people? That's not right. ONE person isn't really right. He should have asked.

And it really angers me that singletons bring up integration all the time. Not everyone wants that!

ericpoeperic wrote:... it hurts him to no longer be able to access it, he said its like a part of him has died. And he's rather depressed...

... And that's why.

It's not anyone's place to say what other people should be shooting for, in terms of therapy or personal goals.

I think that integration is a rather nice word, it sounds nice, but you can't box a person into a definition and you should never push a person to do something. **possible trigger** I'd be complacent with my SO not completley integrating. One of his multiples is amazing and really a fun light-hearted, good person who cares about him. however, my SO probably won't be able to stand up for himself when people come at him without more therapy. Heck, I'm a "singleton" (i dont know how i feel about that phrase) and I go to therapy. It's a normal thing for any person and I think that the pressure shouldn't be on merging for people with DID, but the pressure should be to alleviate the fears and self-consciousness, and self-harm that many have problems with. And when that is dealt with many other things can fall into place. We are all on a path in life, sometimes there are shortcuts to get to our destinations, but the longer, harder way is usually the best, that's something my SO tells me often.