body issues and mom *trigger*

I remembered this from my young adult life.
A family friend told me I was fat ugly and stupid.
I later came home upset, nearly in tears. In an effort to "console me" my mother told me "well your not ugly or stupid."
She did her best I suppose. But really did she have to leave out the fat part?

I was hurt already..
And she didn't help at all.

I hear you. My 3 older sisters used to sing to me. "Fatty Fatty 2X4. Can't Fit Through The Bathroom Door!" Over & over again. I was never fat, nor am I now, but I still struggle, 45 years later. My only piece of advice is to go within. Find out what U think about U - NOT based on outside influences. Do you have a kind heart? I personally think that you do or you wouldn't care that they hurt you - you are compassionate, loving, even if you do not think that U R. The reason I know this (& it took mega therapy bucks for it to finally sink in) is that hurt matters to you - therefor, you have a kind heart. U know what is right/wrong, good/bad.

Chin up, when U R at your lowest it can only get better $ U!!!

After the Rain goes...Rainbows!...Sotrsab

By medical standards I am a few pounds over weight I have real curves. But its hard to see it that way. I constantly struggle with my looks. Lyle holds all of my real deep body issues. But my problem right now is why did she not defend me? She could have said something more comforting like "don't listen to those people" ect..but instead she reinforced my flaws like I deserved to feel that way about my self. I used to go with her to try on clothing and I would put it in never quite fitting me right and scared to show my mother because of comments like that. This is why Lyle is not female nor male. No standards to live by.

I can relate. When I was nearly hospitalised for anorexia so a very low weight my mother said "the hospital are just trying to get you fat" and "you're not underweight at all". Now that I'm a lot more healthier weight she says: "you've got much fatter". ..... //thanks mum//

Sorry to hear your mother was just as unsupportive as mine. Only one of many times my mom has made me feel inadequate. My father however was the opposite he tried to "fatten me up" and re-enforced my mind to eat junk food and would buy me mcdonalds or junk in an attempt to get me to like him more then my mother. If I didn't want to wear a dress to a special occation it was often a fight between my parents on which I should do, my father would always win. Then id let the baggy pants and shirt swallow me up in an effort to hide my body. My father, being the sexual abuser, wanted to keep me fat and plump for his own sick intentions. When I was a small child before the sexual abuse happened he would manipulate me with gifts and toys and food, and treat me like a barbie doll, changing me out of the cloths my mother would dress me in because he said he liked them better. Then went as far as to tell my mother she had no say in what happens to me until I was ready to marry someone. I had no idea this was abuse until my therapist talked me through how I felt about this.

I shouldn't be posting again on this topic bc it is a huge trigger for me but I just can't help it. I feel for you, & even though I am on a downhill spiral I feel that I want to attempt to encourage you in some way.

I think that you do have to not take to heart everything you hear. My hope for you is that you can begin to focus on "Healthy"- not body image or fat or anything else. My T, if he's drilled anything into my brain it is this: "Feelings are not always accurate." Gives me 'cause to pause'. I stop & think (or try to) about the reality of things. Does it really matter what others say? Sometimes ppl just put down other ppl bc they think with them 'down', they themselves will be 'up'.

I have been 130; I've been 77 & I have not been happy at either extreem. The only time I have felt truly & completely happy & energetic/not depressed was when I was getting the vitamines & minerals - that. we. all. need. - to be healthy.

PLZ don't internalize others' inconsiderate remarks to your detriment. Poor body image can lead you down a road to HELL that takes far too much struggle to come back from.

I wish you peace on this issue...Sotrsab

Thank you sotrsab,
That is help. Sometimes I need to hear it from someone besides a doctor. But I cannot afford to buy the right foods to be healthy like I should. I have no money for food and am a step away from being homeless. Living off illinios link card for food doesn't buy much. But the battle I deal with my body is all held back by lyle and I feel I have no control over where it goes. I thank you for your support and I'm sorry to trigger you. I do tell my self one thing, no matter what my body is mine and no matter what it looks like I should respect it. This always helps.

You are most welcome, chibixal.

I know, eating healthy is generally more expensive & there are those pesky therapy bills! Life seems certainly unfair at times. I wish that I were in a position to help you. DID really sucks. But, I keep trying to stay focussed on the end goal. For me, it is to heal & then travel, educating Clergy, Police officers, etc (& do I ever have reasons for educating both!) on DID, how to recognize it & what to do about it should the need arise.

Anyway, I want you to not be sorry in the least - you didn't trigger me. I have always had eating issues/body image issues. It's my 15 yr old wanting her own time out, I guess. Always a struggle.

I like what you said about respecting your body. We all should, but do we? I'll try harder if you will...

Sotrsab, yes I will respect my body..and so will my system. I'm glad its easier to do something when you know someone who has promised to do the same thing! And I'm not hoping for any hand outs. I need to learn to take care of my self. But its good to know you cared enough and would offer if you could. I am trying to do some muscle strengthening and yoga moves for a few minutes a few times a aeek..seems to be helping my mood as well as my body. Nothing too crazy don't wanna over do it and get stuck in some crazy yoga move lol.