After breaking the contacts with our "parents", a flood of feelings, memories and flashbacks hit me! There's so much stuff we need to figure out...so much work to do before we can call ourselves "normal human being." Healthy, whole etc...you prolly get the point.
One part wants to steal stuff from stores to get attention. Some parts want to sabotage Boss's friendships because they're afraid that our "dad" might go after them and k*ll them or hurt them. Some can't stand having pets (we have two budgies) because they think that our "dad" will come and k*ll them...like he did in the past to our pets.
Well I just wanted to share my burden in here...get some help so that we don't need to carry it all on our own. I'm so...TIRED. Mentally exhausted and sleeping doesn't help. Therapy has been super exhausting lately and going to town makes few of the parts super scared because they're afraid of seeing our "parents." When we finally get home, some parts start crying because they're so relieved that we're still alive.
It really makes me wonder how monstrous, terrible and unmoved some people can be. Why the h*ll did this have to happen to us? I just want to k*ll those two monsters that DARE to call themselves parents/humans!!! They're not humans at all...they miss all the important things that makes human a human.
It kinda helps us to continue when we know that we are, in fact, still humans and good at heart. We're not monsters and we're worth a d*mn lot. Our basic instincts are a proof that we work like we should...that nothing that happened to us and the reason why we behaved like we did was just because we work NORMALLY.
But the amount of shame those monsters made us feel...it all should be on their shoulders. THEY should be ashamed, THEY should carry all this sh*t, NOT US!!! HOW can a pitiful excuse of a human being destroy another living being so badly that it starts to think that it's WORTH NOTHING!!! THAT IT WAS ALL OUR FAULT!!! Well luckily we can heal and we're still functioning like a normal human being and I can say that: it wasn't our fault and we're worth more than we can imagine. Curse those monsters and shall they suffer for the rest of their lives for hurting us like they did...I hope that their unhumanity will destroy them and make them suffer to d*ath.
We carry tons of justified anger, wrath and hate inside us. It's all there because we SHOULD be angry because of all those things those monsters did to us!!! Because we have all the rights to protect ourselves, our life. And the ones who DARE to try and remove that right from ANYONE...should d*e painfully and just disappear from this world.
The amount of pain we've gone through so young and so alone, is unreasonable and unforgivable. Those monsters should be k*lled because of their crimes...
OK, thanks. That's all for now. I just wanted to lighten my burden a bit and let out some anger.
It means A LOT...I'm not even aware how much but it's A LOT. ^^
I feel like a coward and a b***ard child... Since we didn't have any right to protect ourselves...I don't feel brave. I feel like I'm breaking the rules...and the consequences are terrible!!! They said that we should be afraid...should be k*lled...should should should... I HATE THAT WORD!!! Those monsters should EAT their words and CHOKE ON THEM!!! MUAHHAHAHAH!!!
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