DID or not, bit confused

Hi, my daughter was diagnosed DID after only a few visits to a therapist, at the time she had three parts. She then went on to have 8 and most of them had friends. We have been treating it as DID but are a bit concerned now as recently she has been asking us "who am I"or "do you know who it is" . Also during our homeschooling she would write and tell me that is A's writing etc. So she is now only telling us who it is. Before we saw the different parts quite clearly whereas now they all appear to be our daughter (host). We have not seen 4 of them for a few weeks and she keeps asking me is this how T smiles. We were thinking she had forgotten how they were. She has now told me she cannot remember how they were as there are too many now. She told me she made them so she had friends to play with . But as there are so many she is crying she cannot remember them now and gets confused. We have not seen them for weeks also. She also said me she thought she should keep "making"them in her head as the doctor told her they are there to help her and without them she would not be here. So we are wondering if suggestions by the doctor and since by us have encouraged her in this direction. She definately has dissociation but what sort we are now questioning.
I would appreciate your views on this please
Thanks

Welcome to the DID Forum!

It sounds like your daughter is transitioning from DID (switching with amnesia) to something more like DDNOS type 1. This is a sign that dissociative barriers in the mind are being dismantled. Instead of complete changes of consciousness there is more co-consciousness with passive influence effects such as blending, co-hosting, made behaviors, made thoughts, made emotions. This is naturally very confusing and upsetting for her and those who interact with her but it is an important step forward. The identity confusion is normal. Feelings of possession are normal. This too shall pass.

Her additional alters are unlikely to be brand new; it is very likely that they are simply newly emerging. They have been there all along; you just didn't know they were there. Some DID systems include one or more alters who never take full executive control yet are very active and have significant influence. For example... I have one alter who as far as I know has never taken full executive control, yet she is the one who speaks most often to my husband. This was very upsetting for me at first, because she is obsessed with longing for another man. She has told my husband many times "I love [another man]. I want him." etc. Fortunately my husband is able to experience (and accept the experience) that she is not me even though I am there. Initially she was unaware that she is an alter, but now that she is aware she weeps because this man does not know she exists. As far as we know he has interacted only with me and one other alter, and he is unaware that we are a multiple.

The therapist's remarks that your daughter's alters exist to help her are spot on. This is more than a matter of faith. It is the consensus of decades of professional work by therapists treating major dissociative disorders in thousands (tens or hundreds of thousands?) of clients. Her alters all need and deserve love and acceptance.

Hi Una, thanks for your reply, we have been embracing the DID diagnosis for many months now, but our confusion is over whether it is possible to consciously "make" parts up. These are my daughters words and now most parts have gone(they were all named and had distinct characteristics), which has caused her distress. Are they gone or blending or hidden from her. Sadly due to the constant remarks from first therapist about the value of them she thinks she will now die without them. I want to add this therapist was terrible and initially used to tell my daughter she had to tell the voice to go away, which she spent weeks doing "leave from me". Before the therapist obviously picked up a book that mentioned DID . So she had no experience or understanding of it. We have researched ourselves and three therapists later we found one who knows but only we see her , my daughter is only 11 years old and the power of suggestion is very strong and her concepts very poor so we have to be very careful now and monitor what is said to her. She really thinks now that she will die as they they were there for the reason to protect her. With such poor concepts it is hard to explain otherwise now. Not much info anywhere on the stages through DID especially for childrens therapy rather than adults therapy. Most people do not get support or help until the are adults .
Again thanks and I welcome any suggestions on how best to manage this transition .

I am completely unqualified to comment on DID in children, but as a fellow parent, I want to send you thoughts of support as you try to figure out how best to help your daughter. I am so sorry that your daughter was so poorly served by her first therapist.

The literature on treating major dissociative disorders in children is limited, but Dr Richard Kluft has reviewed what there is of it several times. One thing he says is that in children usually, in the care of a competent therapist, treatment is not complicated and time to integration is short. Sometimes the alters integrate without a formal integration, or even seem to dissolve or fade away.

Your daughter's alters might have integrated without fanfare but more likely they are in hiding or on vacation. Alters do that. When they do that, eventually they come back. Time will tell. I think it is safe to assure your daughter that if she needs them they will be there for her; that they are still there now, watching, ready to come forward and help her if she ever really, really needs them. Somehow they often know when we can cope, and they allow us to deal with problems ourselves, but they can be very wise about what we really need.

Adult clients who integrate their alters before the system is really ready for it have been known to de-integrate the alters again. That is why some experts on DID advise treating any integration as provisional until it has lasted 3 months. I think the same rule holds for any alter who disappears; on this forum we have had many reports of alters disappearing, only to return weeks or months later. Integrated or not, our alters are always still with us. After integration we often feel that they have abandoned us and we grieve, yet they remain with us and we may even be aware of their presence and activity within us but with new aspects.

I hope this helps. And I envy your daughter her early treatment.