whats going on with me?

I'm having very confusing and conflicting feelings. For the past few days I've felt not my self but not like any of my parts. My anxiety is threw the roof and there has been a lot of stress on me lately and I'm starting to forget how to do simple tasks like dress my self.. I haven't been losing any time really and it doesn't feel like there is someone trying to come out or any thing like that. Its like up until now I haven't had so many options before and and I cant make a choise on what option to go with. Too many choices so I just shut off so I don't have to decide. Idk how to explain this really. Then I am suddenly feeling like I just want to be alone in a dark room, but I don't want to be alone. I get upset cuz I don't want my friends to ask me how I'm doing so I just fake it and tell them I'm okay (including my husband) but I desperately want to shout at everyone that I'm not okay and break down and cry. I really don't know how to tell anyone what's going on with me. I guess I've been depressed becausd I haven't had any opinion on anything lately (like what music to listen too or what movie to watch what food I want to eat..) and upon questioning my alters about things, no one seems to be the cause of any of this...I just don't know what to do.

I know this feeling. I experienced similar things before. When I was going through it I determined it was PSTD. It may not have been, but that is the only thing I came up with at the time.

It took a while to work through it. The way I got around it is by just picking something. If I was having a hard time picking what shirt to wear I considered the possible outcomes. In the end, it really didn't matter what shirt I wore. There were no bad outcomes so I was able to rationalize that no matter what t-shirt I put on, it was no big deal. Yes, I would stress over whether I should wear a blue shirt or the white one. Short sleeves or long sleeves. It was so hard for those couple weeks. Same thing with choosing what to eat. Life was hell.

Point is, when I was experiencing this type of thing, I tried to rationalize and comfort myself. It didn't matter what shirt I wore, just that I got dressed. Then as I went through the day I repeatedly reconfirmed that I had made a good choice and that it really didn't matter which one. My day would have gone no differently if I had picked a different shirt.

With food I again rationalized. I had to eat something. I would just have to pick. I had to eat.

Small choices, rationalization, and confirmation that it was okay that I made the choices I did.

Panic over little things is what I was experiencing at the time and I relate to what you wrote. I would just shut down. I couldn't think, I couldn't process, I couldn't do anything. You may want to look at articles on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. That was my best guess at the time.

But just try to breathe when you feel like this. Try to think. Try to calm yourself and ground your emotions. It does get better with time and practice. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Thank you so much for the reply. Its always releaving to know I'm not the only one who knows how I feel. And I know it has to do with ptsd but yesterday when it was happening so bad, but I couldn't reason with my self at all. I am still anxious but its better today. I had an actual in depth talk with my husband about what has been going on with me last night and that seemed to help too. But I've had some issues with people touching me. Unexpected touch has triggered a sort of hightened state for me. Touch feels intence and not normal and it was scaring me cause it felt so much stonger then it should. So I made sure all my friends knew to warn me before touching me. As long as I am aware of their actions before they hug, touch, whatever..then it doesn't seem to be so intense.

I've been clinging to my husband for the past hour. Its helping my anxiety a lot. I feel safer.