triggers in general....

I had some quite introspective thoughts after salted lipstick's post about her triggers and I just didn't want to take over her post with my issues.

We are very effective at blocking out disruptive emotions (whether positive or negative) and compartmentalizing them, sometimes into alters, sometimes in just boxes, sometimes into something hidden in the depths that i am not sure I can access.

however there are some random things I know I "hate". For no obvious reason. but with more thought I realize that they are triggers. They are triggers for things I am starting to understand. For things that I don't completely understand. And for some things I am sure I am reluctant to understand.

My thought then is how much to I need to take this head on. Stop avoiding and truly "deal" with the reason they are triggers.

Well to start, i can name them, since I don't even generally acknowledge their existence.

Two triggers:
the colour purple (not the movie, lol) - this one I am starting to understand
nativity scenes - this one I am scared of

I am in a place where I prefer to keep making the boxes and compartments, only now I am mindful that this is a short term solution and in the long term more damaging. But old habits are hard to break.

Thanks,
Sam

Break out of those boxes Sam!

Hey,

It is good that you are recognising these triggers for what they are. My therapist highlighted something very important to me the other day... a trigger for me is kitchen knifes... but it is not the knifes that are dangerous, the knifes actually could be a friend, it is the person behind that knife that should be feared. For some reason it helped me to put it into perspective. It helped me to not blindly fear these triggers. It has made a difference in recognising that there is another element to me and a trigger: the perpretator and if the perpretator isn't there then I am safe and it doesn't need to be a trigger. If you can work through these triggers hopefully your perspective will change and you won't have to function fearing the colour purple. It is a hard habit to break, dissociating from things, but you have the strength to do it.

Thanks bourbon, that is a really good point. The perpetrator is not there. I'll take this convs to my therapist when I feel ready.

really, thanks, your words make a lot of sense to me.

Sam

My therapist highlighted something very important to me the other day... a trigger for me is kitchen knifes... but it is not the knifes that are dangerous, the knifes actually could be a friend, it is the person behind that knife that should be feared.

Thank you for saying this! I will definitely keep this with me as it resonated very well with me. I don't have as many triggers as I used to, but definitely enough to work with. I will keep this in mind the next time I get triggered

- Nin

I think it's really good that you are starting to recognise some of your triggers. Once you recognise them, it is easier to be aware of it and to recognise when you have been triggered which makes it feel less out of control in some ways I think. I find that generally if I work at improving my life generally and working through therapy to feel confident about talking about more stuff, I eventually get to a point where some information about what caused the triggers can be released. Then I can start to deal with what happened... I find it easier for it to take this more organic path of improving my life and working through therapy more generally rather than to specifically do something to break the boxes that compartmentalise the triggers. Perhaps you would find a more organic approach helpful rather than trying to force it?

I'm glad to share my learnings from therapy with those who understand it. It may seem slightly obvious to the lay person that the trigger isn't dangerous itself but you know..!

bourbon wrote:I'm glad to share my learnings from therapy with those who understand it. It may seem slightly obvious to the lay person that the trigger isn't dangerous itself but you know..!

I found it interesting to read what you had written also, as I had never thought of the trigger themselves as not being dangerous, particularly with objects that I have felt an urge to self-harm with that were used by my abusers on me. It sort of really brought it home to me when you mentioned about the knives not being dangerous in and of themselves that I realised that the danger is not from the object itself but from the association that you have with it. I was really glad you shared that perspective with us bourbon.

Me too. I'm glad its ringing true for people. We have the control against our triggers

Thanks lifelongthing, bourbon and salted lipstick for the discussion.

You are right, I am not capable of smashing open those boxes and seeing what's inside. I can't help but think if I were capable of doing that I wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place. I like the term organic. It is true, I have to have faith in the more natural process rather than trying to force it. Forcing aggravates the protectors and puts too much hope out there for the littles, well either that or scares them.

I told my T on monday about the purple thing. Turns out what happened in the last two days that I really had the wrong idea of why the colour purple is a trigger. All of these things leaked out of my memory over the past few days and it was pretty hard to take. So today we discussed it as much as I was able to but he drew another connection to the fact that it wasn't just purple. It was purple and frilly, girly, dressy doll type things. Dresses, shoes, dolls with eyelashes and satin dresses and cornsilk hair. I hate all of that stuff. And there is a reason I think which is undeveloped but named. So a starting point. My point is that the reason I thought purple was a trigger was probably a scapegoat, part of the protection against the real reason. Or a partial double trigger. And I also realized over the past few days how hard I work to accept and be comfortable to dress my daughter in purple things, and frilly things, and to let her have purple things. I have to work hard to resist not doing it because I don't like it. Because it is about what she wants and not what I want. And there is nothing wrong with her purple things (again nothing wrong with the object itself but with the association), it is what my mind associates with it. And i need to work on this slowly to not have to work so hard when she decides she want the purple things. IT really shouldn't matter they are purple. or frilly.

Again as I write this it sounds so trivial but I'm guessing you guys will get me.

Take care,
Sam