Going crazy??

I recently posted in the incest forum about all these fragments of memories..that I have always had..seperately ..but now I am putting them together and the picture of my Fathers abuse is coming out... The problem is I feel like I am crazy...to have been able to keep them so seperated for so long.I am 34 Mother of 2. I dissasociate all the time which is why I am in therapy as it was affecting my work... people can ask me what I did on the weekend and I am blank..but then a few hours later I will remember but I remember them asking me and not remembering,, My therapist will bring up our previous sesions and i think she must have me confused with someone else as I have absolutley no memory of what she is talking about..but I got suspicious when some of the details where specific to me and I started thinking gee she must have another client who also works in the same role as me and does xyz like me too and she has got us confused... Sometime when i dissasociae my voice sounds like it belongs to someone else.. I often look in the mirror and think I am staring at someone else.. But I don;t buy things I don't remember nor do I have any consciousness of distinct personalities with different names nor has anyone told me that I become different people... What is going on am I crazy

I would ask my T to do some assessment and see where I come out on those tests.

And - no you are not crazy, but it could be so many things including DID, DDNOS, C-PTSD, etc....

Welcome to the group!

Definitely talk to your T about what is going on. Tell your T about how you think they have you mixed up with someone else as you don't remember telling them that stuff. Ask them about dissociative disorders.

You can take this one http://counsellingresource.com/lib/quiz ... tests/des/ and print it out and take the results in on your next session. It is of course not a diagnostic test, but it is a good start and could get the ball rolling with your T.

Been there, done that, know the feeling. Honey, feeling like you are going crazy has nothing to do with going crazy. You are not going crazy. You describe experiencing severe dissociative symptoms and you are becoming more aware of them. You may be entering what is known as a "dissociative crisis"; in that this is an important step in healing, this is a good thing. However awful it feels now, you will get through it and on the other side of it you will feel tremendously healthier and happier.

Are your children now the same age as you were when you were abused? Do you have a daughter?

The screening self-test that Ashesoflife recommends is the Dissociative Experiences Scale (DES). We have a check in thread for it (link below). There are other, more comprehensive tools for screening and diagnosing the dissociative disorders but this is the one generally used for initial assessment.

DID Forum: Dissociative Experiences Scale

yeah i have akready done it and awhle heap of others and I come up around 50 on DES and severe for all parts of the others ie depersonalisation, dissasociation etc

-- Mon Mar 12, 2012 8:48 pm --

yes my eldest is the same age as my first memory but now I have memories of when I was younger..I have boys but the trigger was my husband and I sperating i think..Last night I had all these memories of happy times in childhood as clear as day and then when I woke up this morning i couldnt remember any of them...Yesterday out of the blue I hear this foreign voice belonging to a child saying Mummy Can I wait here..inside my head...shocked the $#%^ out of me..scared me...nothing since...I think I am just BPD under extreme stress with CPTSD.??/

Not crazy my Dear!
~Marie

We are not crazy
It is normal with DID and abuse. I dont know al of mine but I am co conscious with many of em.
Our voice changes
-TinyPieces
DUH! cuz we are different cant have same voice
-Robbie

jackabean wrote:yes my eldest is the same age as my first memory but now I have memories of when I was younger

That is typical.

jackabean wrote:Yesterday out of the blue I hear this foreign voice belonging to a child saying Mummy Can I wait here..inside my head...shocked the $#%^ out of me

That is typical too, of a major dissociative disorder, not of borderline personality disorder; in BPD the voices usually are critical of you and/or telling you what to do. Is hearing this voice what brought you to the DID Forum?

Yes the voice and the fact that memory was so bad and that the abuse was coming through in fragments - and the fact that i wrote an autobiographical attempt in a whole heap of completely different hand writings???

-- Tue Mar 13, 2012 7:32 pm --

What is a dissasociative crisis?

Una+ wrote:in BPD the voices usually are critical of you and/or telling you what to do.

This is not true. BPD does not have anything to do with hearing voices. And, in DID it is quite common to hear voices that are critical, abusive, and demanding- especially from abusive parental introjects and/or abusive alters.

jackabean wrote:What is a dissasociative crisis?

A crisis of any sort is usually when things become overwhelming and it is difficult to function. A dissociative crisis would probably be when the dissociation or switching becomes so dominant and out of control that it begins to effect one's work or relationships so severely that it is necessary to be under more directive care of another...

boopsy26 wrote:

Una+ wrote:in BPD the voices usually are critical of you and/or telling you what to do.

This is not true. BPD does not have anything to do with hearing voices.

Colin Ross has reported that a substantial fraction of his clients with borderline personality disorder but not a major dissociative disorder do hear voices. Typically these are abusive parental introjects.

jackabean wrote:What is a dissasociative crisis?

A dissociative crisis is Richard Kluft's term for the abrupt switch from covert DID to overt DID. The majority of his clients have no apparent signs or symptoms of a major dissociative disorder for decades. This is covert DID. And then something happens to the client (eg, an abuser dies, or the client encounters a person who triggers them) and the containment of their dissociative system abruptly breaks down or "leaks" and they have flagrant signs and symptoms. This is overt DID. The dissociative crisis usually is brief: days, perhaps weeks. A dissociative crisis is not necessarily experienced as a life crisis by the client or anyone around the client.