New (great) Therapist and being secretive

I switched to a new T about 2 months ago. So far, this one is great! I feel much more comfortable and have made some good progress. But I feel bad about a couple things.

I am scared to tell her about the alter egos and some of the discoveries we made with the previous T. I have talked about how I feel this dissociation and mechanism feels very much like a secret, like something that I keep to myself and protect from judgement and discovery. The thought of labeling this as a disorder feels so wrong, I think because it feels like something that has helped me get thru some really awful things (I also feel shame in trying to call this a "disorder").

I think she knows whats going on and that it's something I'll talk about when I am ready to. I appreciate that, and it makes me feel more trust with her. But the thought of completely switching scares me!!

She has recommended I self-talk with the "vulnerable parts" and console them when I feel scared or sense fear underneath...Do you think that means she knows?!

She has noticed me dissociating during sessions...I notice it just happened because I often find myself with my head in my hand leaning against the arm of the couch and using a slightly childish voice. I wonder if I recall everything said during those times.

Can anyone relate to feeling secretive and scared about revealing these things? Do you think she sees what is going on?

Thanks!

Walden, I can relate to being secretive about these things.
In fact, my need not to reveal them to a stranger IRL is keeping me from getting the appointment that I need if I want to go to therapy.

I get by without therapy because I've learned to minimize stress, and minimize my life . The thought of me spilling the beans about my stuff to a therapist makes me recoil on most days. On the other hand, I usually postpone going to a doctor to get help no matter what my ailment is -- I only go when I have no other option.

I talked to someone about my others, a few weeks ago. Now I regret it deeply and I've felt tainted and avoided them ever since. I think I mentioned it here.

I believe it wouldn't be as bad with a professional. Like you, I dislike the stigma of a disorder, which in my case is merely a possibility.

*possible trigger, self-loath*
I fear the possibility that the boundary between what is real and what is unreal becomes completely unclear for me in therapy. I picture myself like a clown, like a whining fool there. Ugh.
*end of possible trigger*

Still, if I had already started a therapy like you, I wouldn't back off. Maybe I'd just let the therapist offer me possibilities to reveal things little by little.
I wish you luck .

under ice wrote: I talked to someone about my others, a few weeks ago. Now I regret it deeply and I've felt tainted and avoided them ever since. I think I mentioned it here.

I've wanted to talk about this with friends too. Its too scary to think about being that vulnerable in theend for me. Sometimes on the bad days it is hard to keep to that for sure.

And amcomingaround to disclosing things little by little. Plus, getting the same diagnosis by two doctors helps me grasp this better.