Kind of a rant-kind of a plea

I'm not really sure what to do anymore. I feel so stuck now that my therapist is acting so annoying and not telling me what he's really thinking. I was thinking of this last night about how he's diagnosed me as DDNOS, well initially I needed my Dx because of some help I was trying to get from the county where I live to pay for my therapy which they didn't-anyways, he was writing up the letter for them and had to look in the DSM to figure out which category I fell under (is it normal for him to not know this?) so he put DDNOS w/ptsd features and OCD features. At one point I told him my other psychiatrist in TRAINING told my I was BPD w/ptsd and I asked WHICH IS IT??? DDNOS, BPD, OCD or PTSD and he said all of it.....well, thats just f------- great!!!! I'm officially wacked out of my mind apparently. I want to heal, soooo badly I want to heal and get well but I feel like a lost cause-damaged goods but nothing was good to damage in the first place. I sometimes wish I did just have DID so other parts of me could give clues as to what was going on with me but all I get is nothingness. Everything is hidden...my identity, my memories, my sense of self, my love for people everything is just gone or hidden and I can't tell which. I started my new second job yesturday caretaking for this sweet little old woman and I have to go again today and I'm really nervous...how can I caretake for her when I can't even take care of myself???? I'm afaid people in the nursing home will see that I'm a fake or that somethings not "right" with me...yesturday I began to dissociate terribly while sitting down in the nursing home resturaunt with her and I got scared. I had to ground myself because all the old people started to scare me lol I don't know why but the lady I caretake for has really scary gross looking teeth and it really started triggering me even though I knew it didn't make any sense at all. WTF is wrong with my brain? I started to feel like I was up at the ceiling and none of my grounding techniques were working! My cousin Rebecca was there with me because we work together and she was showing me the ropes and she started looking really unfamiliar to me and I remember thinking "Not even my best friend can make me feel safe anymore" I left feeling overwhelmed with a huge headache which I get all the time and just freakin so sad that I can't be normal!!!!!! I have to go back there again today and I'm really nervous it'll happen again. I'm left wondering what the hell is wrong with my brain. I want answers.

Rant if you need, we all here understand!

There's nothing special that I can say...
BUT...in therapy, you should be able to speak out ALL those thoughts that you are telling here. And I know it isn't easy. I've been 2 years in therapy and still struggle with this.
BUT...as my T said, she cannot help me, if I don't speak. Everyone is different. To be able to help, a T needs to know y-o-u-r thoughts

brandonsmom777 wrote:WHICH IS IT??? DDNOS, BPD, OCD or PTSD and he said all of it.....well, thats just f------- great!!!!

Well, DDNOS, BPD, PTSD.... they're all saying around about the same thing but are put in different categories under the DSM for those maniacs who like to categorise everything into little neat boxes. My assessor who diagnosed me with DID said: "you'd be BPD, OCD, PTSD, depression, anxiety, phobias, eating disorder".... I have a list too but it really doesn't matter. I am me. You are you. We are us. Diagnoses are good for statistical purposes but don't freak out by the number of them. Human beings are quirky. We'd could all be diagnosed with a list of things if we looked hard enough.