Help?

-

First, I'm sorry that things are going so crappy for you. Living with parents is never fun, even with good ones. And sorting through the past can be tough.

My thought on the headaches is that they are first and foremost related to the injury. Have you seen a doctor or perhaps a chiropractor? I know you said they started when you started "stuffing" but that may also be a coincidence. Best to look into both causes.

As for remembering what you are doing, no suggestions there. I think you already realize that you are needing therapy and were possibly over-zealous in going back to the numb state. (i.e. went forward with memories, then took two steps backward with memories when it got overwhelming).

Just wanted you to know someone is listening.

One suggestion: try to fill your days with something external. Too much time on your hands will lead to excessive ruminating. I like volunteering in those circumstances because it gets the focus off of my own interests for a while. Or maybe a few hours a week at some non-descript job - just enough to pay for therapy...

Good luck.

-

Assuming the friend with the car had insurance, I don't believe the statute of limitations would have run out. Call the quack doctor. Tell him that you are STILL (emphasize still with the moron) having pain and that you need him to help you file with the insurance for the first visit and for subsequent visits (it would be better to get a new dr but since so much time has passed, you probably need to start with the first guy who saw you). When I am working with moron docs I always double or triple what I feel because I tend to downplay my symptoms and I need to compensate for my compensations lol. Since you have waited 6 months even though you had pain at the dr. visit, I am assuming you do the same. Remember, emotional pain is pain as well and insurance covers that too.

It is good you have some jewelry you are making. Most small areas have a flea-market, typically on the first weekend of the month. You might be able to sell it in one of those. Or on Craig's list (though I recommend to be careful and always to meet people only in highly trafficked and visible areas - NOT your home or places you frequent). Waiting tables is always a good option for people who get jobs done quickly.

Take what you like, leave the rest. These are my opinions...

"Long story short, her parents came and hugged and kissed her asking if she was alright and all three of them walked away from me like I didn't exist.
4 years ago my mother disowned me.(Yes,you read right,I'm living with her again. Why? Because she said I'd learned my lesson and could come home and care for her now that she is elderly.)"

A constant barrage of experiences like the ones mentioned above cause dissociation.

"walked away from me like I didn't exist.", This type of thing is a kind of psychological torture. The pressure of several events like this can begin to tear a persons mind down. If these type of events continue on a regular basis, one will be in some kind of mental trouble.

Your mother sounds like a narcissist. She puts down any crazy rule she wants that will hurt you. She never gets hurt. Your feelings are never mentioned. You are never mentioned. Its as if she is present, you are not.. Its all about her, nothing about you. How many of these experiences have you gone through. This is a form of torture if this continues on a regular basis. The result can be dissociation.

EVil: Evil is a situation of one creating insanity then, forcing you to act it out. You are destroyed by it. They feel nothing. They never get hurt. Its the ultimate form of mental illness, Shrinks know of its harmful potential, However, theirs no real mention of it in the Psych books as a legitimate mental illness. Don't quote me on that. However, You get the idea ...

Study the word Evil. You may find those close to you are smothering you with it...

From your Post, Im getting an over all feeling that your mind is getting hit with allot of pressure and everyone around you is trying to burry it under a rug. That is not a healthy way to continue to live.
Can you get to a therapist. If not. Keep writing on this site, learn as much as you can, keep asking for help.. Help will come...

Shattered-Reflection wrote:After two weeks of constant flashbacks and nightmares,I started blacking out. These blackout's would only last a few seconds,but they scared me. I stopped digging and tried to coast for a time. The blackout's didn't stop. Finally I decided to back fill. Ignore it all again as though it didn't exist.

I relate to this. I went it alone and am still alone processing my past. It isn't easy.

Yeah,I've had very nasty things happen to me,but I never felt a split until 6 months ago.

Do you think this was the first split or just the only one you felt happen?

Long story short, her parents came and hugged and kissed her asking if she was alright and all three of them walked away from me like I didn't exist.

Ouch. Their daughter was driving, the impact hit your door, and they walk away??? I'm sorry they did that to you.

4 years ago my mother disowned me.(Yes,you read right,I'm living with her again. Why? Because she said I'd learned my lesson and could come home and care for her now that she is elderly.)

{read with sarcasm} How sweet of her. {end sarcasm}

Suddenly I wasn't really there anymore. I was just watching. I couldn't think or process anything. I just stood to the side... I've been living by watching myself do things. My actions feel just like they are programed. Things I know I have to do.

I relate to that so much.

I let it ride for awhile that way. Until I though so foolishly to myself that since professional therapy could not be acquired,what stopped me from doing it myself.
So that leads us back to me digging up my past. I went at it alone and that was a mistake. If anyone takes the time to read this,please,don't ever attempt to take on your past alone. It'll do worse damage than the first time it happened.

I second this. I did the same thing.

What lead me to writing this all in the first place is that I'm scared and trying to fix what I broke.

This helped me a lot. http://www.joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm The whole site is great but I just gave that link because it is the one I bookmarked.

The headaches I spoke of are ceaseless. I can't take it anymore. The constant pain is maddening.

Are you knowingly trying to prevent switches? That is what causes my bad headaches.

I'm really sorry if none of this made sense. It's really hard to think straight and in full thoughts anymore.

It made perfect sense. I'm sorry you are having a tough time.

-

-

You need a therapist who has no connection to your family. Absolutely no connection.

-