Missing life

I don't know how much more I can take not even being present in my own life. I was thinking about my son and how he's 7 now and I can't really even account for anything in his entire life....I don't have any emotional memories about when he was born, how I felt etc etc etc. I cannot remember my childhood much at all, these memories are not my own. People I've known my entire life seem strange and foreign to me, I'm mean to them because I don't really know them and can't understand why they love me so much....then I feel really bad because I miss them so much It doesn't make sense because this memory loss and such didn't start til I was into my 20's...before that I was just plagued by eating disorders and neurotic behavior but then came all the memory loss, time loss, feeling I wasn't in my body, voices in my head, headaches....I don't understand any of it. I have an appt with my therapist tommorow and don't even know what I want to talk about because I feel like there's nothing to me inside, it's really empty and I don't know what my thoughts or feelings are...I miss my son, I miss feeling connected. I feel like I'm missing out on his entire life because I can't form new memories either-things are forgotten as soon as they come. I feel cursed.

Hi brandonsmom, I'm not so sure anything I say will help but I at least just wanted to say I read your post and that I'm listening. I think it's good you are at least realizing what you are missing, and that you feel for at least that. It sounds like you have feelings about all these losses, and that's a start.

I personally have no desire to go back to my "former" life. Life where I had social interaction outside of one friend and work. While I was visiting my Dad, my stepmom was grilling me because she can't understand why I don't party, hang out with friends, have a boyfriend, or go shopping, blah blah blah. Others don't understand how completely careless I am that I am 22 and do not live the life of a "normal" 22 year old. I am ambivalent about almost everything now, not caring about the future or present.

I think it's a great start to WANT to be present in your own life.

You are in my prayers...

Brandonsmom - so in your 20's was maybe when a new alter started taking control on occasions and that's why you have time loss now? People say the headaches are alters trying to take control, but being suppressed by whoever is currently in control. I've only had it once, mostly everyone in me takes control as and when they need to, so there's no conflict between us at the time of switching. Do you know how many alters you have and who they are? I mean, obviously they're part of you and maybe they don't have names. But if you know who all your alters are you can maybe start working on communication? X

Brandomsmom,
I don't know if this is anything similar that you feel...

In my life, I seem to have created countless of numbers of (so called) hosts/alters. Whatever the situation has needed. And so, I tend to lose most of my memories from the previous ones.

I have 2 children, and I'm so sorry that I remember so little about their childhood. They are young adults already, and I've had help only for the couple of years and learned to understand this stuff. And have become closer to my children. It hurts so much.
But your son is still young and you are getting help, so you have so great many possibilities! Be strong, things will get better!