Sad

Hi everybody, I was away at my Dad's for a little while which is why I was gone. I am happy to be back, but so sad.

It was a scary time at my Dad's cuz my stepmom is really mean and sometimes I can stand up to her but sometimes she just makes me cry. She made me cry at the dinner table at new year's eve. I cried a lot on this trip, and I miss my Daddy, but I DON'T miss my stepmom. My mom didn't want to talk to me that much cuz I was at my Dad's Christmas was sad cuz Daddy was at work and my stepmom was mad all day. I know she has PTSD and so holidays are bad for her but I don't get why she has to make other people feel so sad.

I hope you guys had happier christmases and holidays than I did...but you probably didn't...if it was good tell why it was good but if it was bad tell why it was bad.

Hugs to everyone...it's so nice to be back I don't know how I can wait so long a time till I get to go see my therapist again but I just gotta hang in there. 3 more long days. I made a sand tray in my journal that I really want to make for real when I go. It's a sad sandtray.

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so sad and that you had such an awful time. I hope you start to feel better when things get a bit more settled back to normal and you start seeing your therapist again. Hang in there. We will be here to support you too...

I'm sorry to hear you had such a ruff time. That's not cool about your stepmom, and your mom not supporting you. It must have been hard to stand up to your SM, PSTD aside, sometimes people have to stop making excuses and start taking action to fix it.
I spent my holidays, fighting my MIL who decided to defend my Mom and sisters, and DH who defended his mom. I had to re-explain to people who it's none of their business, about what my FOO did to the kids last year, luckily I did save one picture(as I generally purge anything sucky), and how I will never be a human shield again. And everyone who is going to fight me, can scr@w themselves, DH included. I lost almost everything defending and protecting the kids, no way in h@ll am I'm going to go back to my FOO. I guess luckily, FIL stepped up and finally after starting the separation process, DH is starting to step up, going to T, etc.
Maybe now that the holidays are over, you can spend time with your dad but not with your SM. Your Foo is lucky to have such a warm-hearted, mature person in there midst. Wishing you a happy, harmonious coming new year.

Hugs Divided.

hugs divided, family is so hard sometimes. I hope you are good being home again.

Sam

Glad you are back. Sorry you had such a tough christmas I hope it helps getting it out with your T, sandtray and all!

Bourbon

thanks guys, lol I was feeling all young this morning when I wrote that and now I'm kind of embarrassed. Good things, my Dad and I were able to really connect, though it's always bittersweet. It will never replace what we lost.

He bought me a brand new bike helmet for my birthday(early gift since I wouldn't be there on the actual day). Which he told me caused a lot of drama between him and his wife, but he settled it. I'm so thankful he is still alive so that I can at least connect with him now after all these years. But I wonder when it will stop being sad as well? Many times the happy moments we could have shared together were blocked because I was zoning out...I know it's cuz I still can't take the reality of the situation. He was reading me a story he wrote, and I know I would have burst out crying if I had allowed myself to truly be present. Crying for what was lost. Crying for what that little girl lost.

We were watching a couple home videos. A few tiny snippets of some things I barely remember or don't remember at all...watching it though made me feel so sorry for the little girl who was ripped away from the family she loved, and who loved her. I still don't know what that was like for her, except for when I have a partial flashback(usually crying that I miss Daddy and that I'll never see him again) from that time period, etc. Though I wonder how real that is? Because I don't remember crying about 'never being able to see him again'. As far as I know, I was unaware of what was happening...

Thanks again for the warm wishes

I'm sorry you were feeling sad, and I'm glad you are feeling a little better. I have a question - does your dad make any attempt to stand up for you when your step mom is mean and says things to make you cry? That kind of made me made that she was allowed to be so mean to you (??) or that she is mean to you in general. You in no way shape or form deserve that.

thank you brandic for being so considerate about that. I should have made that more clear...yes, he does stick up for me, but many times he can kind of be a wuss around her. She puts him down constantly as well. At one point I stood up for myself and left the room...and heard my Dad say as I was leaving that I had a point. Which set them off arguing. Basically my Dad tries his best to keep peace and make her feel better, but I also think she could be more appreciative when he goes to such great lengths to make her feel better(the holidays are triggering her right now cuz she misses her home country, which she left because of war).

It doesn't seem like just PTSD to me. It seems to me like she has some kind of personality disorder.