Who is Bourbon?

I am haunted by chronic emptiness. I am passing through the days as an empty shell. I have nothing to me and I am neglecting to pick anything up on the way. I am writing emails and then having no idea when where or why I wrote them.  All I know is they are signed with my name.  I cannot seem to absorb any resemblance of memory. 

My sense of character is lost. It always has been. Substance comes from everyone else in my system. Never from me. 

Poppi had a three hour conversation last night with one of my friends. I have known her for a long time but I have never managed a three hour conversation before. But with Poppi it just came with ease because she has substance and she has life.

Perhaps I am literally nothing but the alter who goes to work. That is where my substance lies. In my job. Perhaps that is something I just need to accept. Perhaps that is why it is becoming harder and harder to stay as me at home. Perhaps that is why when I am me at home you will find me in bed, unwilling to talk to engyage with anyone. 

I am me and I am nothing but a fragile egg shell. Puts a whole new spin on "walking on egg shells". You are really walking on me. 

Bourbon-Your post really struck close to my own heart, I can relate to the emptiness and not really knowing what is you and what is something else. My answer would be that Bourbon is the one asking these questions which is a good sign that you're still here. I remind myself of this also. I know I have a core personality but I never live it. I always write things or say things or do things then don't know what I've done that's what makes the dissociating so difficult and scary to live with but I don't retain any new information so I feel lost in my own life. I've lost so much precious time and I'm so afraid when I "wake up" it'll be too late...you're not alone in the least but the main part to healing I think is to keep asking questions and never stop searching for answers

I don't understand "empty" but if you are nothing, if you have nothing, then you are starting from scratch - you can be whoever you want to be.

Maybe look at others in your system, decide the qualities you like in each and try to adopt them for yourself? Or look to your friends or others you admire for human qualities you'd like to cultivate?

Anyway, you're not nothing, you're the one that earns wages. Where would anyone in your system be without you? Your purpose is an important one.

Do you like sharing with your others? I can sit and stare at the wall for ages, but that's not good use of time so I talk to my others about whatever. Or I ask them what they'd like to do then I go do that, because even if it seems pointless to me, if someone inside is getting something out of the activity then it's not pointless. X

((Hugs if wanted))
I get what you're saying. I get the 'I'm just a shell' or vessel feeling more at times than chronic-ness. Or it'll go on for like a couple days now. Neway, it's tough, but I can say you aren't nothing, I see a really warm hearted person, who is so thoughtful, I wish I had the expression capabilities of Bourbon. I don't, so how about I pass you a cookie, slides it over, I'm speak-with-food-comfort(even if it's the cyber)-kinda person.

Thank you all for relating.

And thanks for the hugs Borg. And the cookie. That made me smile

Bourbon your post struck a chord with me. Thanks for posting the replies have been simply wonderful.
Hugs to you
Sam

Bourbon is someone who has helped me feel just a little less angry and a little less jaded. Bourbon has actually cared about me when I thought no one did or could. If bourbon is a ######6 shell then I don't ######6 exist. What do think of that, eh bourbon?
R

Thanks for the hugs Sam

And R - I've been told :p thanks !