how do new alters make themselves apparent?

hmmmm not sure about how I feel about the concept of ISH in my system, but like I said I am just becoming aware. IT is maybe my ISH that told me about this other self, she is mid 20s and in spirit much like my he self. Both risk takers, highly reactive, but very trusting if you can actually gain that trust in the first place.

Yeah, my male alters are fully male. So, the GID feeling comes from being co, or switching and being confused about what is going on.

I think I am having moments (small) of amnesia, but not sure yet. It i sometimes hard to that specific bit of information from the ppl around you! Just trying to freak myself out bit by bit instead of all at once .

About the therapy. Excuse my ignorance but what is the goal of therapy for DID? I mean with respect to me, I think I posted ages ago about what does integration feel like, because in a way when I read what a person with DID is when they are integrated that is how I feel i am. My last T was not so open to the idea of other selves and I tried a new T who called them emotions "like when you listen to a song you feel differently" LOL! But I am going to call my old T in the new year and speak more frankly about it and see where it goes. To be honest I don't know how to find a therapist with experience in DID.

I think I can start with talking about the dissociation. that might be a good place. Then see if the others want to engage or trust. Unfortunately with the second T, he lost the trust of a few, so I am not sure we can open to him again. At least with the first T the trust had not been gained yet so was never "lost" and that is a big difference. My second T only lost my trust but since I am more objective and less emo, I can try to repair the attachment injury out of logic and a gesture to the greater good of the system.

Thanks,
Sam

How it worked for me....

I wanted to work on my childhood memories because of problems I had been having, so I told myself before going to bed it was okay. That is when it all began.

If I were religious I would have thought I was processed by evil spirits.

Instead of being afraid, I was curious. It was like a science project. I wanted to know what was going on. I would notice facial expressions on my face as if someone was molding my face like putty - the facial expression were triggered by so many words. This is why I don't get triggers much. I can't read anything without there being a trigger in it - Mother, Father, Brother, Sister are some of the worst triggers. The facial expressions would be followed by pseudoconvulsions which I found fascinating. This went on for weeks and weeks. I was curious. I started to understand that this was all parts of myself. My core self had never been out since I was an infant and I did not know that either. I was Jessica. A host split 2.5 years ago. Basically what worked for me is that I would welcome what was happening and allow it to occur. It worked.

I finally got brave enough to ask for help and call a therapist - email actually. I am not good at phones. She thought at first it was PTSD and compartmentalized memories. She gave me a book to read on the Inner Child. As the book instructed, I made tapes in my own voice thinking this was just an inner child issues and it addressed childhood neglect. But my inner child or children became very interactive and parts would read with me. Soon the DX was DDNOS. Then we started mapping and she noticed I kept loosing time while in sessions as other parts would take over. The DX became DID. She did not have the experience she thought she should have with DID so she passed me on to who I see now who is amazing.

What was really going on? I certainly did not know back then. Now I know my dream weaver sent me the dreams that started all this. I would just think of that dream and it brought parts forward. A young one, Hope, who's job is to get us help came out and she was followed by system protectors such as the gorilla who made her keep quiet by beating her. (I did not know this at the time) All this was causing a ruckus! The little one, Hope was persistent as was the gorilla in trying to stop her from letting me know she existed. Hope, like most of my exiles has PTSD. The slightest noise and she convulses and startles.

Bottom line - I am not sure how they will present to you. I can only tell you how they did with me. I can strongly suggest however, don't be afraid of them, don't lock them up in bad places. You need to love them and care for them all, no matter what! Accept ALL parts of yourself. They are separate and they are one. They don't really want to be alone. No child does. IMHO (and that of some authors of DID books) they want integration - to not be alone. I did use containment, but the protectors are locked up in their own paradise for the time being until we get along farther in therapy. However, when needed, they break through anything I have set up and come out and do their job - attacking any part that dare speak or write. Inside however their is peace, at the moment, as long as no one breaks the rules (rules made so many years ago) and communicates with me or anyone outside other than answering yes or no answers, sending dreams or sharing feelings.

I do have permission to process trauma memories with my current therapist, but only with him. They trust his intelligence and that he knows what he is doing. We however are still working on that trust and have not started to process the memories yet.

After a while I learned I could just ask alters who else was there. I have 28 levels so it was not easy to understand at first, but those on each level knew enough to lead me through meeting every part.

The ISH was the last of 267 alters that I found. It was hiding on Level 0 that I did not know existed.

I hope this helps Sam. Finding a therapist that works with IFS made all the difference in the world!

I had last night a pretty cool DID experience fully ready yet I don't fully understand what it means. I was taking all of your advice and listening and being open to the possibility of another alter. And I thought wouldn't that be great if the person who fell in love with my H was still here somewhere? If this alter I'm hearing about was her. Wouldnt that be great for us and esp my H? Then later in the day while I was sitting with my H watching a movie and half zoning out she came out for a bit and it was such a good feeling to see the connection she had with my H. I saw who fell in love with him! But the concerning/down side of the whole experience was part way through someone started panicking and screaming "where's Sam, Sam can't be gone, where IS Sam". I was filled with anxiety/panick over losing something and then losing me once I was back to me. Any ideas what the hell happened?

Sam