Someone enlighten me.

I have been depressed for years so this is nothing new. I've been diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression so that I know. It wasnt until a month or two ago that I started to take note that I act a lot differently.

I feel like life is a game. I feel like I am too intelligent and everyone else would lose the game if they were to "go against me". I tend to think I would be able to outsmart most people in any situations as things such as lying come easy to me. It's more so an instinct than it is something I just decide to do. I can get farther ahead in this "game" if I lie.

I'm not hurting others with lies. But it's not like anyone will ever find out if im lying lol.. There's been various moments where I will just look at myself in the mirror and not know what to think. I see pictures of me and think, there's no way thats me. Can't be.

My emotions are always changing and it's as if I can't keep one for an extended amount of time. I don't feel happy unless drugs are involved, that is one of the main problems. I have not felt true happiness sober in years. I don't want to stop doing drugs and I have no addiction to any of those ones I do. I have been "clean" of the usual drug I do for a month. I didn't choose to do this I am just doing it because I have no access and I really don't care. No addiction.

I think one of those drugs in particular, acid, has altered the way I think. The last time I did it I had a horrible time and I had this feeling that I was going to die the whole time. I would look at my legs and it seemed as if they weren't connected to my body, like they weren't mine. I am in the process of deciding if i should quit taking acid or not, but please do not tell me to stop or anything because that isnt worth your effort lol.

I smoke daily usually but that has never been my problem and I can go weeks at a time without smoking. i do not have an addictive personality just a sad one lol.

Any ideas?

Ideas about what? What do you want feedback on?

What's wrong with me -__-

IAmVoid wrote:What's wrong with me -__-

You tell us. Your initial post seems to reflect satisfaction with your life. So there is nothing wrong. If you feel something is wrong, what is it that you feel is wrong?