Question about therapy

I finally took the first step and told my dad I wanted a therapist. This isn't the first time I've asked my parents for permission for therapy sessions, though...The first time was two years ago, when things were really really bad, and I made the mistake of telling them about "voices", to which they replied that I was being too dramatic, and should stop reading and watching TV. They also attributed my dissocation and severe depression to hormones. They told me what I was going through happened to everyone, and therapy would be a waste of time. It was quickly forgotten.

After some urging from my boyfriend, I said to my dad, "I really want a therapist, but I don't want to say why." Weirdly enough, he accepted this. I know he's going to tell my mom, and she's going to ask me why I want therapy, and I'm going to lie and say I have suicidal thoughts (even though that is not true, since I have a huge phobia of dying). This is the only way they'll get me to therapy. They'd never believe I had DID, because they are such good parents.

Anyway. My question: if this goes through, what should I expect from my first session? We're going to contact a therapist in my area who specializes in dissociative disorders. What should I say? What will she say? What did your therapist say to you during your first session, and what did you tell them? How long should it be before I mention DID, or should I mention it at all?

You are setting yourself up if you self-diagnose, IMHO and experience. It makes therapists very resistant to be told their job. Better to just tell your perspective without putting a label on it (you could say "it's LIKE etc." but just let them hear you before making them accept it, no matter how sure you are). You don't need a label anyway. BUT that being said, you should also not let them dismiss you. If they are saying something you don't agree with, just remember they are human.

I would try to have a therapist selected before your "mom" conversation. Try and choose an office with several T's since you are dependent on your parents who may not let you change to a different office, but may be open to changing T's within an office if you don't find the first one to your liking. And make sure it is an LPC (licensed professional counsellor) or therapist etc and NOT a psychiatrist. Many people get these confused. A p-doc (a medical dr.) is mostly there for meds, you need to talk though right?

From my experience (and I've seen dozens of T's cuz I'm like a hundred lol), the first session is usually a letdown. They need to get your history. They'll make you fill out like a thousand pieces of paper with Q&A etc. Then they have to digest it really really quickly (my current T says it's like trying to get a drink of water from a firehose) before they can even begin. So just expect to talk about what has been going on in your life and less about how you feel about it, at first, anyway. You can have a list of questions you would like to ask and that'll help (Q's about the T to find out what kind of person they are and how they plan to help people). The second session can be used to get to the deeper issues because if you try to squeeze a bunch of deep issues into the remainder of the 1st session after the history, you'll just go away more traumatized. But feel free to let them know what you want to talk about the next time. It is, after all, your money.

Well, I've already got a therapist picked out, and she's been confirmed by Psychology Today, so I guess she's good. She's got all her qualifications and methods listed on her profile (really, it's so convenient!). She's about 30 mins away, which is what my dad likes about her, because we don't have to use much gas to see her. I'm probably going to talk to my mom tomorrow evening about this, because dad said he was going to tell her about it tonight before they go to bed.

I'm just wondering whether I should pretend I don't know about DID at all. I've made up my mind that I won't mention it directly, but I guess I'll have to say something about "voices in my head, and they've got names" and all that stuff, as if I don't already know.

No. no pretending complete ignorance. lol. just don't focus on the label.

yes to the my voices have names but if it was me i would save more than that or even that for visit 2. you will know once you meet her. if she's worth her salt, she wouldn't even be worried about a self-diagnosis, but you never know with these T's just trying to save you what i went through at 19 when i first thought what i experienced seemed like "MPD" (name at the time). i didn't even name it, just used the my voices have names kind of like in MPD thing, her reply was a disgusted: "that's just one of the latest winds of doctrine, come back next week and we'll talk about what's really bothering you." took me years to get over that. my voices were what was really bothering me. probably since you are going to a specialist that won't happen to you (even my T, a non-specialist, gets angry when she hears about some of the things other T's have said) i just want you to start off better than me I guess and you never know. It took at least 12 years before I even mentioned the voices again. what a waste.

feeling-empty wrote:I'm just wondering whether I should pretend I don't know about DID at all.

well...I don't suggest my approach at ALL, but this is exactly what I'm doing. With my first three Ts, I was VERY adamant about how I NEEDED answers. I NEEDED to know if it all had a name. I NEEDED to know what was wrong with me. I was practically begging "Give me a DX that makes SENSE not just anxiety and depression and adjustment disorder because those don't seem to fit my experience!!!" Such a relief to hear from my current T that she was thinking PTSD, but now isn't sure. At least that's one step closer to a DX that actually sums up what I experience.

But anyways, to get back to the pretending...I got so paranoid that I was gonna screw things up with my current T, that I play dumb with her. I didn't want her to think I was diagnosing myself, taking her job from her. I wanted to please her. So I pretend like I don't suspect DID at all. I try to tell her the truth about what I experience, but I practically beg her to minimize my experience, and minimize it myself. Sounds manipulative, doesn't it? I mean, I literally told her last session about a serious trigger for me that caused me to cry like a 5 year old for 30 minutes(literally, I felt and sounded like a child crying), but then blew it off and told her how stupid that was to cry about something like that. Because letting on that I think it's the sign of a problem is...like asking her to tell me what the problem is, or asking her to give me a different DX.

Okay if you didn't understand anything of what I just wrote, I don't blame you. It all works in my scheming, manipulative mind, though. I am very skilled at doing whatever I can to please others in order to maintain the relationship.

If she gave me a DID dx this thursday, I'd probably say "what's that?" lol. Although I sometimes wonder if she sees through my escapade...I so desperately don't want to go into child mode with her, I go the opposite route and do this tough girl routine. One big act. Ugh.

Don't get me wrong, therapy is going great even so, but I think it's only cuz I have a great T. And it's going slowly in my opinion, fault of my own, I acknowledge this.

InfinitD wrote:It took at least 12 years before I even mentioned the voices again. what a waste.

Oh, wow! What were you being treated for in the meantime? That's awful! That's probably my biggest fear--the T not believing me and ending up diagnosing me as bipolar or schizophrenic or something that I know I'm not. Even DDNOS would be disappointing.

dividedtruth89 wrote:I got so paranoid that I was gonna screw things up with my current T, that I play dumb with her. I didn't want her to think I was diagnosing myself, taking her job from her. I wanted to please her. So I pretend like I don't suspect DID at all. I try to tell her the truth about what I experience, but I practically beg her to minimize my experience, and minimize it myself.

THIS RIGHT HERE. This is what I can see myself doing, and I don't want it to end up this way. Either that, or exaggerating to get a DID diagnosis. :/ Which would be horrible, and I don't want it to happen, but it will...I know I'm going to end up distorting something somewhere along the line.

Being listed on the PsychologyToday.com website means next to nothing. It is popular with therapists in the USA as a marketing tool. Therapists pay to be listed there. Being listed on the ISSTD website has far greater relevance, but again that is no indication of credentials, training, experience, or ability, and many good therapists are not listed there.

I agree with the others that you probably don't want a psychiatrist. That is an MD, someone who can prescribe drugs. Many psychiatrists focus on prescribing drugs. Some do analytic psychiatry, which probably isn't what you need. Next to a psychiatrist, the most highly trained specialty is a clinical psychologist, a PhD. Then there are all kinds of social workers and counselors who can be licensed as therapists; usually these people will have at most a masters degree.

I would not worry about what to say. Just start talking. The details will come out in good time. For what it's worth, with both of my therapists I simply began by describing my symptoms, as far as I was able to describe them without losing it. Expect the therapist to reassure you that you aren't crazy, hearing voices does not necessarily mean you have schizophrenia, etc. See? Give them data and let them tell you what they think it means. Don't pretend anything, just focus on reporting your symptoms.

dividedtruth89 wrote:If she gave me a DID dx this thursday, I'd probably say "what's that?" lol.

lol
Been there.

Working with these crazy T's is such a challenge isn't it?

After my near-self-diagnosis that first time, I pretty much pretended for years that I never heard of it (and was so afraid of seeming pushy and manipulative that I wouldn't even tell about my voices, though part of that was also being afraid of another truth - that maybe I was schizo) Just because I happened to think that what was going on sounded, maybe a little bit like MPD, I spent years without treatment for what was oh-I don't know- exactly what was going on. Whenever anyone ever asked those questions on the intake form that sounded like MPD, I always put the rating at 20-50% of the actual severity I felt it. By this last round, I was practically BEGGING for psych meds to get rid of the voices (the cutters esp). They gave 'em to me but they never worked. It was only because my current T knew I had gaps in my memory and a history of abuse, that it was even considered. Hmmm I guess. I try not to ask.

So I guess I should clarify:
feeling-empty - All that I said was just a GUESS on what you might do based on my whacked up experience. Please don't take any of it as high-faluting advice because the only real reason I am finally moving forward in treatment AT AGE 39 is because of a good T and really nothing I did.

I take comfort in knowing that no one reading this forum will have to suffer a really bad therapist for more than one or two sessions, because here we have the experiences of so many others to compare with our own.

feeling-empty wrote:What were you being treated for in the meantime?

Every diagnosis under the sun.

With good counseling, however, even being treated for the wrong thing can be helpful because it might be a similar thing, which is why I wouldn't get hung up on the label. For example, treating my cutters for cutting is still useful, no matter the diagnosis or who the T thinks they're talking to. And helping those of us depressed (a second and correct diagnosis, you can have more than one remember) or suicidal definitely saved our lives. It just caused a delay because it only treated the present not the past causes. It kept us strung out on therapy, never seeing an end. Now that someone tells me, no you're not crazy (on the days I believe it lol), x caused y, let's work on x AND y. Well, NOW it makes more sense. Logical. You see? You still have to work on y because y is what's going on here and now in the real world, you need to cope with y, but understanding x just makes it a whole lot easier (though not otherwise impossible).

Una+ wrote:Give them data and let them tell you what they think it means.

Yeah. that's what I mean. ditto.

Una+ wrote:Being listed on the PsychologyToday.com website means next to nothing...ISSTD...again that is no indication of credentials, training, experience, or ability, and many good therapists are not listed there.

ditto that too.
my T is listed on neither, has never treated a case of DID, and I wouldn't change her if someone threatened my right arm.