Bad feeling (triggering, anxiety)

I'm not sure this is the right forum for this topic, but since I usually post here and I don't know where else I should post this, so.

I'm feeling so mentally and emotionally secluded at the moment. It's been bugging me all day, but it has been lurking in the background for several weeks. It's a familiar feeling, I've had it occasionally for as long as I can remember, it comes and goes. It's been away for months now and I always forget what it is like in the meantime.

It's not a self-pity thing about thinking of how lonely I am. I don't feel lonely ever in the traditional way, I like to be alone and do things by myself, although often going to places is more pleasant and less boring if I have company. And I don't like it if people ignore me completely, but this has nothing to do with it anyway.

When this seclusion thing starts I usually notice how strange and ugly people look. I know as a matter of fact that they are not stranger or uglier than normally. It's just that all kinds of details get magnified, and I only get negative feelings from everything and everyone. At first I only get this altered feeling very briefly, but then it increases within a few weeks until it's full-on. Looking at people hurts my eyes, or not actually my eyes. Seeing someone feels like they look like that just to make me feel worse, so I need to look away quickly and most prefearbly avoid seeing people altogether. Also in virtual interaction, things become triggering I guess, just very small and unimportant things. People say things and I don't understand why. Whether it's IRL or online I get jumpy and it makes me feel bad when I don't know what's going to happen next. Voices are bugging me perhaps even more, even music can feel like too many sounds, you know... music being my main source of comfort and emotional pleasure when I'm feeling normal.

I also struggle with simple tasks, and I'm mentally and emotionally cut off. Yet at the same time I feel like I'm being attacked. Doesn't make any sense. A completely random thing in conversation can sound so intolerable to me that I respond in a very rude manner. I become what I feel.
Each stressful detail that I see or hear either gives me headache or increases it. I also get all sorts of unpleasant physical feelings all over my body. It's not panic. It's not sadness. I just want it to go away and get back to normal.
As for my others, I'm not sure if they even exist and I wouldn't care if that didn't make me feel more isolated.
I don't even understand how one can feel so breakable and so isolated at the same time. Like things are collapsing. I have no sh thoughts or anything like that, not going to start drinking or anything. I know it will go away eventually but it doesn't comfort me. I can't turn to a friend because it will make me feel worse.

Underice, please know that you are not alone. I am sorry you are struggling with these things right now. I can relate in many ways, especially to the feelings of loneliness and isolation. I'm glad you are reaching out on here, only if helps just the tiniest bit.

"I don't even understand how one can feel so breakable and isolated at the time."

This really hit home for me.

Hang in there...
Brandic