Therapy.

What's the deal with memories? I've got some, of bad stuff. If I continue to ignore my feelings / knowledge of it, carry on avoiding anything triggering it all, will that work? Obviously it would limit my ability to lead a normal life, but you can't miss what you've never had... Can I just stay as I am forever? Or will the flashbacks etc automatically get worse over time, if I don't deal with this stuff?

If I deal with my current issues, will my brain automatically give me a new lot to deal with? Or does that only happen if you go digging for more? Ignorance is bliss, as the saying goes. Is it possible for each of me to live in harmony, with sufficient communication to fill in any current time-loss gaps, each with our own memories but not having to share the nasty ones from the past? Or is that asking for trouble/expecting too much?

Sorry for all the questions lately! It's just, I've obviously spent most of my life living in denial and, well, I think I like it there... X

Kerry, I can't say what could work for you, but for me once the flashbacks began there was no going back. Therapy has helped me tremendously.

Ignoring it = bad idea.

Even though you may not even realize, the effect of these memories/feelings and holding them back is draining on you in your current life. Eventually your subconscious will strive to heal them. It's better to do that on your own terms now than to have some kind of break down when an avalanche of memories and awful feelings hits you at some point in the future. Think of it like a dam holding too much water, either you can start repairing the dam wall now or you wait and have it burst and wreak havoc later...

If you deal with your current issues, most likely you will uncover deeper ones to explore. But you will only do this as you are ready and you unconsciously seek a need to heal from those things also. Unfortunately you will probably find you may need to become a little more aware of the bad memories but this will only happen once you have an appropriate support system in place (or until you leave it so long that the dam starts to burst ).

Denial is good for a while but eventually it kinda stops working so effectively. It's better to start to confront the stuff on your own terms so that you can get some supports in place and feel in a healthier and stronger place to tackle it rather than it catching you by surprise. It would be wise to get a therapist knowledgable in the treatment of dissociative disorders to help you along the way though...

Thanks both of you. I'm pretty much feeling on top of the world today. When I'm like this I have a tendency to think the most amazingly stupid things are a actually a really good idea. I guess living in denial is one of them :/

Well any kind of therapist is going to be a bonus, never mind a specialist. I've got who I've got and there's nothing I can do about that. I can't just go find someone more suitable unless I go rob a bank or something first.

I'm too scared to mention DID to anyone, but I guess I'm going to have to get people to help me pick through the memories in my head at some point, try to make sense of it all.

Over the last 3yrs I've had a few people digging around in my head, with various degrees of success / helpfulness. Though I fully accept that none of them meant me any harm and all were doing their best to help me. The thing is, because of all that's happened, I think my dam has already started to burst. Putting my fingers in my ears so I can't hear the water pouring out is probably not the best solution. X

Kerry H wrote:Well any kind of therapist is going to be a bonus, never mind a specialist.

No. A therapist who denies the reality of DID can actually harm you by invalidating your system and reinforcing your facade. You are in the UK so please do as other UK posters have done and contact Remy Aquarone at Pottergate to help you get a referral to a local therapist who can help you.

It is not necessary to work with a specialist, but it is necessary to work with someone who is not in denial.

I can't Una+ I'd love to but I can't pay. I'm stuck with what people I can access for free. That's why I've been considering ignoring everything, because I can't access the right help. That Remy guy may be great but even he can't work miracles. I'm just going to try to work on my memories and the thoughts and feelings of all of me, but whoever is out at the time will have to claim the whole lot as their own. It's going to be difficult and confusing but I don't know what else to do. The professionals will never know. We switch all over the place, blank out in front of them completely losing time on occasion, but they don't know what they're looking at! I'm not going to tell anyone about the DID because of the invalidation thing.

My life is a mess so all I'm trying to do at the minute is get to the point where I can eat drink sleep etc consistantly every day, before I start trying to work anything out and upsetting myself some more. I expect I'll be putting myself back into chaos with every thing I try to fix. X

Kerry,

Remy can work with you to get you therapy under the NHS, for free, that is geared towards an acceptance of the DID.

Bourbon

Work. We can't. Too messed up. We have benefits instead. Free is good. Someone knows, I can feel them reading. Thank you.

Sophie. X

Una+ wrote:It is not necessary to work with a specialist, but it is necessary to work with someone who is not in denial.

I think this is a very important point...

bourbon wrote:Remy can work with you to get you therapy under the NHS, for free, that is geared towards an acceptance of the DID.

Kerry,
I hope you can look into the above suggestion... It sucks that you are in the UK system. I think people there have a hard time.

It will be better though if you can find a therapist to help you. Making a phone call or writing an email to find out from Remy if there is someone who can help you could be a really good first step.

salted lipstick wrote:Making a phone call or writing an email to find out from Remy if there is someone who can help you could be a really good first step.

I know how scary first steps can be but you have been struggling for so long right now on your own. It doesn't need to be that way. I am here if I can help with this in any way. I so want to see you getting the support you need.

Bourbon