Therapy session "Warning may trigger"

I went to my therapist yesterday and to say the least it got a little on the intense side. My Therapist seems ok with the DID that I am dealing with and really wants to help with solutions to deal with the depression, anxiety, and losing time. He did have a question I thought was interesting. What signs do I show when I switch, such as a cough, his suggestion, is there physical signs, that the switch is taking place? I cannot think of one except I get a heavy foggy feeling. I cannot say I have watched in a mirror for such signs of a switch. Anyone have any ideas what I should be looking for? I/we have looked at times in the mirror and see a person that seemed too large to be me/we. Seemed the body does not fit what the mind thought it should look like.

Talked about where Clair started and came from which the Therapist seemed a little nervous when I started explain how I thought she came about. Maybe it was just me/Us.
Where Clair came from! Well, when I was little, up to the second grade, I had a problem with pottying in my pants. In an attempt to stop the issue my mother and grandmother would allow my older female extended family members to dress me as a girl to punish me for this problem. I was put into a dress, shoes, shocks and bows in my hair, the whole nine yards. This was very humiliating, my brothers and other male family members would make fun of me. My mother, grandmother and aunts thought it was cute and made me adorable. I cannot say the core me felt the same.
Seems the next Christmas I remember I/we got a kitchen set, dishes, tea set and dolls from my mother, grandmother and aunts. For a girl I had the big set up. Seems I see lot of my childhood as a viewer, third person. In this same time frame I saw my best friend splattered on the side of a highway after being hit by a car.
I believe this is where Clair started and then at the end of this time frame our mother married my abuser who took away all our dolls throw them in the garbage and throw our kitchen set into the back yard. Also the beatings started. My abuser would get mad when he would find us playing with our kitchen in the yard and in time it was sent to the garbage also. This still upsets me even now and Clair gets mad and still fumes to the loss of her dolls and kitchen. They were not his property and had not right to do what he did, not to a child. From that time on I believe Clair was the one who would defy him which caused more beatings. Also this may be the reason she is the most active of the group. She can still be a handful, my little rebel without a cause these days. She would be missed if she went away and also she is an outlet for anger I cannot express. The only real down side is her mouth which can deliver a lip whip in a heartbeat without any restraint.
Regards
Us
Watcheroflights

Wow. A lot of your post is triggering for me, but don't apologize for that! There are some significant parallels in my childhood, and these are facts I need to face. Your family was truly ###$ Up. I am so sorry.

It sounds like your T was being triggered by some details of Clair's trauma story. Do you know exactly what parts of the story were triggering for her? Unfortunately, she might not be able to help you much further if your trauma is too similar to her own.

Watcheroflights,

I apologize, I don't have much in the way of advice. I just want to say I read your post, and I am so sorry you (and Clair and others) had to endure what you did. I, too, question your T's ability to help, not so much because she might have been triggered by your experiences, but mainly because she has never worked with a DID client before, isn't that correct? I want you to feel like you are in qualified, competent hands. If you are in doubt of that, you might want to consider finding one who has experience (if not specializes) in dissociative disorders.

All the best.

How do you mean your therapist seemed to become a little nervous? How did you perceive her to be reacting?

I too am sorry to read just a part of what you went through. You are so brave facing it all and posting it up on here so we can heal from your words also.

Thank you,

Bourbon

Una,Bourbon and Brandic
This is the new male therapist.Yes, I am his first DID patient.At this time I cannot afford better.He is reading up on how to deal with the issues and is not closed minded.Also he is dealing with another issue here is that I am on the autism spectrum(high functioning) these two issues together play hell in trying to get at problems.I just want my old system back,I am not asking for a cure.Then again he did point out the old system may never come back and this caused an anxiety attack which I am just getting over this morning.As far as him being nervous, I got to think it his first time facing such issues,then you throw in a female in a male's body,Oh boy is that not a can of worms to deal with in it's self.All we can do is try right now and if it goes south than it will be what it will be.
Regards
Watcheroflights

Okay. Your therapist needs to line up another therapist who does have experience treating DID, to act as a consulting therapist. To guide your therapist during the course of your treatment. Has your therapist done that?

Una
I know he has others above him but at this time cannot say how much he is communicating to is Supervisors.This is only our second session so we are just getting started.I guess the good side is he does not dance around the issues and seems to want to meet them head on.I do not feel at this time he making us jump throw hoops too validate our self.Una,I cannot call out the others when someone wants to see them on command.We cannot be a dog and pony show,maybe others can, but we cannot.We do not believe,at this time,this is what he is asking for.It was funny Clair jump out for a momunt but I think he did not catch it.The little one and Clair are still not very trusting with him.I know it will take time.
Regards
Watcheroflights

Mine don't come out when I want them to either. Someday, perhaps, but not now. In general my personality is obstinate.

Watcherofflights,

I'm also no dog-and-pony show. It's been a big source of frustration for me that I can't call them up when I want to, especially for the T. However, my T has told me that my body language changes drastically quite a bit and that has been one of her biggest clues. I also know that my speech changes, not just in tone (although that does change for some of the alters) but manner of speaking and the such. I've been told that I look down right before a change almost every single time. I don't know if that's a common thing or not. I know that the downward glances can be different - sometimes they're violent movements (as if someone were yanking me toward the floor) and sometimes it's barely noticeable. The only reason I know this is because my best friend told me.

My first therapist was as she said ... spending all her time playing catch up to me. You need someone that already knows what they are doing. I cannot even begin to explain the difference between my old one who's specialty was PTSD and Dissociative Disorders, but who had never had a DID patient and my new one that works with the IFS Therapy and has worked with several DID patients.

I no longer feel the need to read everything in sight and that I am alone in learning. I am confident in this man and he keeps me.... grounded. Pun intended!

So! I strongly suggest breaking the link with a T that does not know what they are doing even though they are supportive, kind and all that stuff.