T session

I saw my T today. I must say, she's been extremely helpful and thoughtful.

My sitter caught a stomach bug and couldn't watch my daughter for my appointment, so I decided to bring Aleena with me. I figured if I got turned away, then it would be find; I had to go shopping and do a ton of other things, so I was trying not to worry about my predicament. I really wanted to see my T and I didn't want to disappoint her by not showing up, but I didn't know what to expect. My last psychologist would have turned me around at the door with his damned nose in the air; my current T welcomed her like nothing was wrong.

She did see the terror on my face though, when I brought in my three year old, and the first thing she asked was 'oh gosh, what's the matter?'. I had already caught her up on the outline of what was going on with a short phone conversation, so she thought something happened with my dad or my mom called. I was slightly embarrassed when I told her what was really freaking me out and she laughed and waved my worries away. I truly do respect my T in more ways than one.

Aleena was fine; my T works with families and other children, and has mountains of toys in her office. So we went through the session. It was basically me bringing her completely up to speed and then her asking me what I wanted to focus on now. Do I want to focus on my anger at my family's treatment of each other (and myself), or would I like to continue focusing on my alter's and the dissociation?

I told her I would like to focus on my alters now and fixing myself; I've come to the conclusion (rather painfully) that there is simply nothing I can do to fix my old family. I've come to the conclusion, and this is with Lin's helpful advice, that I have to stop trying to control something I have no control of. My family is all grown up, my siblings are over the age of sixteen and can think for themselves; there is no reason for me to keep trying to help where no help is wanted. The family I used to know is long gone; the people in their places are as foreign to me as the strangers in a supermarket.

Not everyone is in agreement with these statements, but it's a start. Eve grieves and sometimes grows depressed when I refuse to call them for her. Brian (I'm slowly starting to get to know him) wants his brothers back, and Slap wants her gosh darned dog back (our Little Bit; mother wouldn't relinquish him to us, and I recently heard she brought him to the pound instead.... ).

All in all, though, I feel this is the beginning of something good. I'm scared and crying over letting go, but it truly is the best. I feel better taking these steps; my husband even says I've been laughing more and he hasn't heard me laugh in a while. All in all, good comes out of letting go.

-hugs-

That sounds so wonderful! So nice to have a T who is so validating. I am so glad you found her

LinaeveWorkman wrote:Aleena was fine; my T works with families and other children, and has mountains of toys in her office.

Yeah, my T works with children a lot and has a separate play room that we've gone into the last 2 sessions. We love that room, even though sad stuff happens in there sometimes

LinaeveWorkman wrote:I told her I would like to focus on my alters now and fixing myself; I've come to the conclusion (rather painfully) that there is simply nothing I can do to fix my old family. I've come to the conclusion, and this is with Lin's helpful advice, that I have to stop trying to control something I have no control of. My family is all grown up, my siblings are over the age of sixteen and can think for themselves; there is no reason for me to keep trying to help where no help is wanted. The family I used to know is long gone; the people in their places are as foreign to me as the strangers in a supermarket.

This is a sad conclusion, but I'm glad you are choosing to work on yourself and let them focus on their own problems. Half my family is the same way, and it's hard to make them realize that I have chosen to not bother with the problems they can work on themselves.

I remember you saying you were having troubles with Aleena and her behavior. Does your T do interactive parent/child play therapy sessions with families? Just a thought; it might help you in the long run to not have the added stress of Aleena's behavior.

dividedtruth89 wrote:This is a sad conclusion, but I'm glad you are choosing to work on yourself and let them focus on their own problems. Half my family is the same way, and it's hard to make them realize that I have chosen to not bother with the problems they can work on themselves.

It is definitely the hardest thing. I was always the protector, the one who 'held the family together'. I'd comfort my siblings after the bad stuff, I'd lock them in their rooms so they couldn't see or be a part of anything, and I'd always clean up the mess. Lin showed me how I kept trying to do that: when I housed my pot/herione addicted brother last year, when I offered my mother a place to stay a little while ago, letting my sister 'run away' when she found out she was pregnant.... After my sister called me in the hospital and told me to f off, Lin pretty much said 'see....you don't even know them anymore'. And I found out, as I thought about it, that he is completely right. It's saddening, maddening too, but freeing. It's so hard to explain....

I remember you saying you were having troubles with Aleena and her behavior. Does your T do interactive parent/child play therapy sessions with families? Just a thought; it might help you in the long run to not have the added stress of Aleena's behavior.

You mean from the daycare moments, right? My memory is pretty foggy, so I apologize if I can't recall much. I've actually considered asking about family sessions to see if perhaps Aleena needs something I'm not giving her, but my T doesn't have any openings at the moment for family sessions. She likes to make those about two hours so she can work one hour with the child one on one, then with the family as a whole.

Instead, I've asked her if I can spend a few moments each session asking how to help Aleena understand that certain behaviors are not appropriate. I wasn't able to ask this session, but last session (about...three weeks ago, I think?) she lent me some books to read to Aleena to help her understand anger, saddness, ect. And how to react to each one. I read them to her every night before being in the hospital; I started again last night. So far, she now tells me when she's 'MAD' or 'scared'.

What's also funny, is Eve likes to come 'closer' when I start to read the kid stories. Aleena picks up on it, I think, because she gets really goofy. Our nighttime routine has become a lot of fun, recently.

I got to hold the lion today!!! he's so soft!

LinaeveWorkman wrote:I got to hold the lion today!!! he's so soft!

Hooray! When I hold timber wolfie my heart gets so warm and fuzzy inside. I'm happy you get to hold the lion

LinaeveWorkman wrote:nstead, I've asked her if I can spend a few moments each session asking how to help Aleena understand that certain behaviors are not appropriate. I wasn't able to ask this session, but last session (about...three weeks ago, I think?) she lent me some books to read to Aleena to help her understand anger, saddness, ect. And how to react to each one. I read them to her every night before being in the hospital; I started again last night. So far, she now tells me when she's 'MAD' or 'scared'.

What a step forward! I love your T updates!