Update - New T! Excited but still hurting...

Well I realized that staying away from the board is just not going to happen lol. Quite honestly I'm not even sure what I was thinking when I thought it would help me to pull away... I just felt so sad and so lost and wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

Anyhew...

Therapy update -
I found a therapist. I was so excited five minutes ago but I'm not sure where all the excitement went. The pain and sadness on losing my last T has come back big time. Maybe because I'm back on the board and so the real hard feelings are coming up. Ugh. Okay- GO AWAY BIG SAD FEELINGS AND LET ME BE EXCITED FOR ONE FREAKIN SECOND!

Okay so let me tell you about this therapist. She specializes in dissociative disorders (unlike my last T). And she does hypnosis, which I'm really excited about, because I know it can help people who are dissociative. It's just that none of my therapists have ever done it. AND most importantly, she sounds so nice. I got a really good vibe from her. Unlike this other therapist I talked to earlier today who almost made me cringe just hearing her talk. Lol sorry if that sounds harsh, this woman just sounded younger than I am, and very immature. Anyways, back to the other T. She's been practicing for 25 years. 25 years!!! AND she's a member of the ISSTD (International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation), which is a really good sign. That's actually how I found her was on the ISSTD's website. She was one of two names listed for my area. And I live in a large metropolitan area. So anyways, we talked on the phone today, and we made an appointment to see each other next Wednesday.

It's really strange and bizarre all the different emotions that are flooding me at the moment. I'm strangely feeling okay however and not overwhelmed by it (well... at this moment lol). BIG sadness and pain. Like a river. Even thinking of my old T just opens the floodgates. But since I've talked to this new T, there's also hope and excitement. It's like the pain and the hope are doing a dance with each other. It's strange.

I feel like a ten pound weight has been implanted in my chest. It hurts. Big time. I wish I could make it go away but I can't. My old T is going out of town tomorrow and will be gone for a week and a half. I made the decision today that even though I still feel anger and hurt toward her, that I wanted to be able to say goodbye in person. So I contacted her today and asked if we could do that, maybe after she got back from her trip. She told me yes, and that she was glad I wanted I wanted a session to say goodbye. That made the pain in my chest a thousand times worse though.

bittersweet right to the end.

I'm excited as well about this new therapist you have set an appointment up for. What a blessing for her to be so experienced AND interested in dissociation. I hope the thought of all the good work you will be doing with her will help you through the difficult times in losing your old T. You did the right thing.

Bourbon

Mixed feelings just like yours....happy for you that you seem to have found someone so competent! Sad for you because I know that pain...

But happy for you!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm glad you've found a new T who sounds like she will be good for you. I'm also glad that you get to say goodbye to your old T even if it will be hard. In the meantime, I hope that find healing and hope for you and yours.

Thanks guys. The pain is becoming less, and more manageable. I'm realizing it is/was one of my younger parts who was extremely attached to the T. Anyhow, I'm getting more excited the more I think about this new T. I wish I was seeing her sooner! Next Wed feels like an eternity!!

brandic wrote:Well I realized that staying away from the board is just not going to happen lol.

Yay!

brandic wrote: Quite honestly I'm not even sure what I was thinking when I thought it would help me to pull away... I just felt so sad and so lost and wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

*hugs if wanted* Yeah I can relate to feeling like that, I often want to withdraw away from the world during times of distress like this, irrespective of cause.

brandic wrote: Anyhew...

Therapy update -
I found a therapist.

...

Okay so let me tell you about this therapist. She specializes in dissociative disorders (unlike my last T). And she does hypnosis, which I'm really excited about, because I know it can help people who are dissociative. It's just that none of my therapists have ever done it. AND most importantly, she sounds so nice. I got a really good vibe from her. Unlike this other therapist I talked to earlier today who almost made me cringe just hearing her talk. Lol sorry if that sounds harsh, this woman just sounded younger than I am, and very immature. Anyways, back to the other T. She's been practicing for 25 years. 25 years!!! AND she's a member of the ISSTD (International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation), which is a really good sign. That's actually how I found her was on the ISSTD's website. She was one of two names listed for my area. And I live in a large metropolitan area. So anyways, we talked on the phone today, and we made an appointment to see each other next Wednesday.

That is stonkingly good news I'm so happy for you! She has been practicing for almost as long as I've been on this big ol'planet of ours!

I know you're still hurting, and I'm pleased to see from your later posts that it is beginning to ease up for you. As bourbon said, I do think you have done the right thing, and I do think that things are going to work out 'for the best' for you. Roll on Wednesday!

I'm so glad you've found a new T!! I know the pain is still there, but it will fade away in time. Perhaps this new T can help you with it? Maybe you could bring it up during a session. Stay strong, and hang in there. My thoughts and prayers are with you. *hugs if wanted*