Dad's in the hospital....

I can't feel anything.

I just got the phone call from my sister that my dad's in the hospital. Severe damage, internal bleeding, will never walk again....motorcycle accident. Happened today around one-ish.

My husband keeps asking me if I'm okay, and I feel okay. But I don't feel anything. It's as if someone just told me the man down the street is in the hospital. It's an 'awww, that sucks so bad' feeling....nothing more. But I know it should be more. I should want to call him, leave immediately to drive to NY, something. I went nuts when they both were going through their separation....why can't I feel anything over something serious?

I want to call my therapist too, but it's Sunday and she's not there.

I don't exactly know what to do.

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad.

But I am also so sorry that it has left you in such an unknown place.

Don't berate yourself too much for not feeling anything - with a piece of news quite that shocking it is somewhat normal to go into shock and not really feel anything.

Do you feel up to going to see him?

Bourbon

Thank you.

He's in NY and I'm in FL. If I had the money, yeah I would go up, but it would take a few days to drive. Tomorrow is the day I'm getting out of the military, so I can't go anywhere until after that.

I just got off the phone with him. He wasn't able to talk long. He's in a lot of pain and the doctors are all over him. I let Aleena, his granddaughter talk to him a bit. Then I asked how it happened. He was drunk, the bike went out from underneath him, he bounced into oncoming traffic, and got hit by a truck. I'm absolutely stunned he's alive at all.

I can't help but feel he was trying to kill himself. He had been talking about it weeks prior, and I had been fighting with him, and my psycho mother (who keeps instigating him and making it worse), to get help. I even called a suicide center, and they sent an ambulance to make sure he got help. Everything had been going well...or so I thought.

I'm also very sorry to hear about this...I hope your father has a speedy recovery. *hugs if wanted*

I also can definitely relate to this. This is exactly how I think I'd feel if anyone told me my dad was in the hospital. Any time something's happened to my dad, like cutting himself badly with tools (while drunk) or ending up in jail for a night or so, I have no emotional reaction. I don't feel worried or sad or anything. I just kinda shrug and say something like "That sucks" and accept it and change my plans if needed. Even when I was little I'd feel that way. I used to think I'd become numb to feeling anything towards him, but my T said that it only proves how dissociated I've become to those emotions towards him. She said it developed as a defense mechanism for me, so that I wouldn't be so hurt all the time. Perhaps you're dissociating from feeling anything right now in order to protect yourself. I also agree with bourbon that shock can be a huge factor. Your emotions might still be processing the news.

I'm also really sorry that you think he might've been trying to kill himself...is there anyone you can talk to about your concerns? It might help you to at least share your concerns even if you can't solve them yet. Perhaps write a letter to your dad, but you don't have to give it to him if you don't want to. Write one just to write and express anything and everything you'd like to say to your dad and talk with him about, and perhaps your concerns on him possibly trying to kill himself could be something you write about. It might help as an outlet for your (currently) hidden emotions.

I'm so sorry that your father is in the hospital . I hope things start to look up for him and his injuries. We just experienced something similar last night, my grandmother collapsed in my dining room and had to be rushed to the hospital. She's not doing too well either... but she's home, and on a lot of medication, but we're trying really hard to hope for the best .

I've felt the same way, almost emotionless about events that I should feel strongly about. It's a coping mechanism I think, to close off all feeling until you're ready to deal with it. It's surreal to hold all of that in, too, but it's not uncommon. I hope everything for you gets better and especially for your dad, I hope he recovers quickly. Are you close with him? Maybe keeping a small conversation going whenever he can talk will help him and you feel better emotionally. I almost lost it completely last night because I couldn't remember then last time I told my grandma I loved her... and as much as she can ride me and drive me insane, I almost lost her and will one day lose her and I'll never have that chance to work things out with her unless I make the effort to now. I don't know, I just felt the need to express that life is short and sometimes it takes something serious like this to help us realize what's really important in life..

Let us know how things go and I'm sending you lots of hugs if you need it.

I'm also very sorry to hear about this linaeve. Keep us posted on his condition I hope you get to talk to your T soon; from what you've said about her, she seems to know you pretty well, so she might be able to bring up the feelings that could be getting dissociated right now. Hugs if wanted

I'm sorry to hear that your dad's been in an accident and wish him a quick recovery!
Shocking news can make you go numb for a while. I hope everything goes well.

I can definitely relate, my dad lives in CT(works in NY sometimes), so it's hard to get up there and see him as often as I want to. If he were in an accident...I don't know I would probably consider dropping everything and moving up there, but that's also because my relationship with my Dad is really healed, no problems there. He really wasn't the abusive parent...

I really hope you can get up there soon. Thankfully though you don't have the military holding you back anymore,though, right? I mean that would suck even worse if the only reason you couldn't go up there would be because you were trapped in that whole mess.

As always...be gentle with yourself, PM me if you want

I'm so sorry!:( ((Hugs)) if wanted.

I am so sorry to hear this, I hope he turns out alright Don't feel guilty for feeling a little detached. It's common, and you can't help what you feel. Just go with what your heart says and deal with every step as it comes. Don't force yourself to feel things about it that you don't. Everyone deals with things differently.

I really hope that you have gotten a chance to talk to your T, I think that'll be really beneficial, just to get your emotions out. And if you're anything like me when it comes to hearing stressful news, do some things that will keep your mind busy, too. I personally like to set aside some time to just sit and draw whenever there are difficult things to deal with going on, because it keeps me relaxed and helps me to keep a level head and be ready if I need to deal with the issue. Dealing with family can be really emotionally exhausting and just make sure you aren't running on empty.

Don't feel bad about it. Life happens and if you feel something, you feel something. If you don't, you don't. I hope that everything works out alright and I wish you and your family all of the love and support that you need. Keep us posted if you can, and don't forget, we're here to listen and help you out- PM me if you'd like to talk at all