.

She wasn't suicidal when "I" posted that, but she got that way, then after two days, she became overjoyous for no reason. Didn't last long though.

I tried drawing "I" but I had trouble doing the metal fist. Result, I have a hooded thing in my notebook with an arm. I did the fist, but at first look, it looks a bit like a mosaic.

I woke up tonight at 2 a.m. Dehydrated, as always. After getting a drink, I went back to bed. Minutes after, my mind was assaulted by a thought. "What if I didn't have [got rid of] my alters. Instantly traumatized. "Me"'s happy streak ended there, and she hit minor depression, with sadness. "I" didn't react, figured he wasn't awake at the moment, but I wanted to murder the guy next to me while I wrote this [I told him] so either I want to kill someone or that's his way of showing displeasure.

I've started getting the hang of using "We" and "Our" in regular conversation. It just passes off as megalomania or narcissism.

"Me" has a "new" reason to be depressed! She now hates humanity...

A few other things.
"Me" started giving me an wmotionnal response to what I post. It's hard to decrypt, since emotions are blocked out. Right now, I understand heartaches means sadness or disapproval, but other than that I'm not sure.

"Me", even if she is technically the weakest alter, was the first to successfully control the whole body for more than 5 seconds. (Oh great, she disapproves of me calling her the weakest alter.)

Guess who's back? "Myself". Or at least I think it's him. He has the same narcissist manners and general behavior, but I don't know of that's him.

I think "Me" is sadistic. She enjoy torturing me with heartaches. Proof: (Or not) She showed no disapproval regarding this post.

I tried "frenching" the names of my alters, bit all I can think of is for "Me" as "Mi", to keep the "E" sound that I used to emphasize her as female. Myself would need an equally long and obnoxipus name, while I would have to fit with the two others.

Now I know why I had the whole thing repressed. "Me" tortures me.

How does "me" torture you?

Why do you think I'm depressed all the time? Also, she found a way of giving heartaches, which are close to the punctured lung feeling I get sometimes

I found it very frightening when Anger was able to make my heart feel like it was going to stop... your post on giving you heart ache just reminded me of that...

I also get chest pains or palpitations every now and then, seemingly triggered by emotions.

~Tilts head~ I can relate. There is that within which seeks suffering. Can't help but wonder if it felt that way itself sometime in the past. It's like... torturing other parts and inflicting massive emotional/psychological pain and everything with it helps it connect and... I dunno. Express something it can't get out any other way.

The heart pains happen for me, usually, when there has been a usually forced, VERY short-term integration that nobody can maintain. When parts are trying to stay one but aren't meshing and can't sustain it.

Or, during those few times when I've had a short-term larger-scale integration, because everybody feels exactly the same about something and there's no need to keep things divided, it starts to break down after a while and the heart pain will start if I/We try to maintain it beyond our limits.

But that's just me.

Aecy wrote:~Tilts head~ I can relate. There is that within which seeks suffering. Can't help but wonder if it felt that way itself sometime in the past. It's like... torturing other parts and inflicting massive emotional/psychological pain and everything with it helps it connect and... I dunno. Express something it can't get out any other way.

No, you got it wrong, she just assaults the core, not the others... Forgot to talk about the core though, so it's normal. I like give that core a Monitor voice, like 343 Guilty Spark or 2401 Penitent Tangent

Aecy wrote:~Tilts head~

Do you really need to tilt your head to talk?

Aecy wrote:The heart pains happen for me, usually, when there has been a usually forced, VERY short-term integration that nobody can maintain. When parts are trying to stay one but aren't meshing and can't sustain it.

*Tilts head* Integrations? Your defintion is too vague...

Aecy wrote:Or, during those few times when I've had a short-term larger-scale integration, because everybody feels exactly the same about something and there's no need to keep things divided, it starts to break down after a while and the heart pain will start if I/We try to maintain it beyond our limits.

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Do you merge with your alters everytime you agree on something? Mines just try to start conflict even when they're agreeing. And if they don't, then the core doesn't have to make a compromise for their reactions.