Answer these DID Questions.... *trigger categorization

Answer Questions A, B, C, D and a and b from the proposed DSM-V


I sent this to my T this morning. I have a DX of DID-like DDNOS from her.

Dissociative Identity Disorder

Question: A. Disruption of identity characterized by two or more distinct personality states or an experience of possession, as evidenced by discontinuities in sense of self, cognition, behavior, affect, perceptions, and/or memories. This disruption may be observed by others or reported by the patient.

Answer: I have far more than 2 distinct personalities:

Question: B. Inability to recall important personal information, for everyday events or traumatic events, that is inconsistent with ordinary forgetfulness.

Answer: I deal with this all day long, every day. But it is not big periods of time as far as I know, but in the DSM-V it does not use the word significant time? For instance. My 10 year old tells me something. He is standing there waiting for an answer. I never heard the question. This happens to me often with people. It drives me crazy! I have such spots in my memory all day long. I was forced on stage to sing while pregnant with my 4th child. I only remember being in a tunnel until it was over. I have many more examples.

Question: C. Causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. *

Although I always thought I was quite normal, few seem to agree. I seem to have issues in the areas of functioning. I don't want to go into it here, but I have issues!

Question: D. The disturbance is not a normal part of a broadly accepted cultural or religious practice and is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., blackouts or chaotic behavior during Alcohol intoxication) or a general medical condition (e.g., complex partial seizures). NOTE: In children, the symptoms are not attributable to imaginary playmates or other fantasy play.

Answer: None of this plays a part at all.

** These specifiers are under consideration.
a) With non-epileptic seizures or other conversion symptoms

Answer: This almost all my alters have without a doubt. Don't turn on or off a light switch or I convulse! In fact, don't even speak or they freak! And don't touch!

Question: b) With somatic symptoms that vary across identities
(I assume this means our different parts have different vision, blood pressure, allergies, etc..)

Answer: I do have this. For instance Ember gets hot and sweaty. My vision changes all the time. I give up on getting new glasses. I have to take off my glasses to read even though I was prescribed bi-focals.

If it means illness that Doc's can't find, I have that more than I care to think about. I just always chalk everything up to food intolerance.

A. Yes, so far at least eight of us with names or labels, including me. I have about three other "potentials" that have popped up, but not regularly enough for me to feel confident about...as if, they used to be around, but they don't have much of a function in the system anymore, so maybe they're just fragments or something.

B. Yes, but often not too noticeable. I think for years, people would tell me I said things I didn't remember, but those people were manipulative or abusers themselves, so I blew it off. Recently, I've had three conversations with my H, where he's said I agreed to stuff that I was sure I didn't and wouldn't have agreed to. Also, yelling at my H to pull over and get gas when we had just gotten gas 15 minutes ago, but I didn't remember anything from the moment we pulled into of the gas station (vaguely remember) until we were on the freeway. I was talking to an old friend who was in the car with me the whole time, but don't know what we talked about at all. Or, leaving my friend's work 10 minutes from my home and suddenly I am in the hall swearing at myself out loud. Or, playing drums at church the other day and I get depersonalized, lose the feeling of controlling my arms, and then it is about three minutes later and we have finished both the song and the reprise and the bassist is telling me I played really well. These are all "void" experiences, where I don't have a sense even of my body having been in those places. I describe them as black and I have to use cues to determine how much time was gone. Then, there are "blank" experiences (which are white) and I'm inside and maybe just a wall is outside, like you describe with your son. I have a sense that my body was in the room and about how much time passed, but I just wasn't out front experiencing it. H yelled at me once, because my daughter asked me the same question "20 times, louder and louder" and I just didn't hear her. Then, there are a few things here or there like having a Japanese professor in college ask me if the class was too slow and pointing to my textbook, in which I had written "tsumaranai" in Japanese, along with some other words and sketches I didn't remember doing. It was a brand new book and definitely done by me. These are the most disturbing, when something happened and I can't even pinpoint when I went away. Ha, I am giving all these examples...kind of amusing that I still doubt whether I lose time. Anyway, I think they're getting at time loss here, but when I think of forgetfulness, I think more about forgetting my feelings about things, because that's what happens the most often. Like, all of a sudden, the situations or memories that were bothering me don't feel like "mine," so I have no feeling about them anymore. I find it interesting that everyday events are included, but I guess that is normal. I always think it's so weird that most of my time loss does not have obvious triggers (which means someone inside must be getting triggered either by something I don't know about outside or by internal conversations going on).

C. Didn't used to, as long as I dilligently avoided triggers. A few weeks into therapy, a budding attachment relationship and actually having to talk about stuff that happened in my past and I became quite debilitated. Also, I have a B.A. from Stanford, but have only ever been able to deal with getting admin and childcare jobs. I don't know if I would call it occupationally impaired, and both of those jobs can be very challenging if you really invest yourself into them, but I certainly have never been able to live up to my potential, because putting myself into anything where there was even a slight chance of failing (like trying to publish my writing) is too triggering for a few parts. Social impairment...well, considering I have pretty much 0 close relationships outside of my marriage and the ones I am working on building now, I spend about 75% of the time projecting how much they hate me and going into hiding, I guess that's a yes.

D. Nope. Up until a few months ago, I hadn't even had a single drink since 17-years-old. I have never done any drugs. I do have one experience of hearing an inner voice (telling me I was "here" in the place I belonged) that could count as an accepted religious practice, but they're not the ones I have now, not even remotely. And now that I know about DID, I wonder if it was just part of it.

a. I don't have seizures. I have twitches and muscle spasms. I don't know if that's related. I get numbness. I get depersonalization where it feels like my arms and/or legs are detached and not under my control. I don't get paralysis, per say, but I have had permission revoked for a particular action and am literally incapable of defying it and moving myself to do it. Scary as hell!

b. For me, I assumed this could include the stuff that you said and some of mine do have slightly better vision...but I have certain parts who get really nauseous when they're in a lot of pain, while others do not. Stomach issues in general. Certain cramping or aches. I'm so new to getting to knwo my parts, I'm not 100% sure it's consistent that one part has one somatic symptom, except the nausea, which seems mostly the little one.

Answer A: Yes. I definitely have more than 2 distinct personalities.

Answer B: Yes. I used to lose time a lot more than I do now (until recently), and I'd skip hours. There'd be times where I wouldn't understand why my dad was yelling at me, and it would turn out that we'd been fighting for over an hour. So annoying. Or I won't hear things people tell me, and they'll get impatient or angry with me, or even think I'm ignoring them. Now I mainly just have spots of time loss. I won't remember why I got on the bus/where I was going, I won't remember a question that was asked of me, I won't remember buying something. That one's really annoying, especially when I'm trying to save money.

Answer C: I seem to overall operate just fine, but it does have a huge impact on my job and had a huge impact on school for me. But as far as seeming "normal" around other people, unless I have a PTSD trigger, I socialize just fine and am fairly responsible. But there'd be times when I'd come into class and homework that I'd never heard about before was due. And with work, if it gets too stressful, it can trigger anxiety/panic attacks, which for me can trigger serious time loss and can result in an alter being stuck out in control while the rest of us "shut down" because we couldn't handle it (for example, before a work shift one time, 8 yr old Cassie got stuck out after a panic attack and I was unable to work).

Answer D: The disturbances are definitely not normal for cultural/religious reasons, not a result of drug use, not a general medical condition, and they were definitely different from normal imaginary play when I was a kid.

Specifiers:

a) I do not have convulsions, but I do have noticeable twitches that I can't control before or after switching, and my tongue will click impulsively/uncontrollably. With certain triggers, I will also literally not be able to move. I simply freeze, and I can't move, I can't think, I'm just stuck.

b) I've actually never noticed any because I've never thought of it before. The first thing I can think of is I have one alter that stutters. I know all of us sit/walk differently, and the older ones drive differently. I've never had a problem with vision, but I do notice that I seem to be allergic to cats while the others aren't. I get motion sickness, and I know at least one other alter does too, but the rest are fine. I'm also lactose intolerant, as well as the others, except for my little, Cassie. She seems to handle lactose just fine (or maybe she leaves in time to have one of us deal with the results, haha). Will have to keep an eye on that more.

Interesting answers so far!

A. Yes. While a few are more fragments than full-fledged "people," there are 12 inside, including me. And we've been told we are all very distinct as well. When we talk to a particular friend of mine who also has DID, she can tell who's out without us having to say anything. It's really cool, actually.

B. It's not like I black out for days and wake up in another country, but yes. Sometimes I forget my age. And it's not like--y'know when you've turned a particular age, sometimes you forget and say your old age? Y'know, like if you turned 23, you say 22? I almost say more like 13. I've almost blurted out the wrong name before. I'm constantly spacing out in the middle of conversations. Sometimes, I don't have a clue what the other person said--what they just said. I've also been called a liar because I will say that I have/have not done something, but apparently "I" have. I really hate when that happens because it's really hard to explain. Time is also wonky to me. It can be like five minutes have gone, but really five hours have, or vice versa. Yesterday can feel like yesterday or like last month. Rarely does last month feel like yesterday, but it has happened. I pretty much just...forget my life as it happens, it all is spaced out, and I really don't like it. My insiders don't tend to get "triggered" out--however, the ones that do, are the ones I end up blacking out and entirely inside for.

C. Well yes, it causes distress and impairment. All but me and one other are under the age of 18. You try getting a job. I'm really stressed out a lot, and everyone else is too because they feel squished. We're fairly co-conscious, but it's...more so because we have to to hide it properly from our abusive family...if that makes sense? That's how someone inside kind of explained it to me. We also have barely a social life, and it's difficult there, too, because everyone else wants to spend time out with people, as well. But there's only one or two who are sociable and could pass for me, so we really can't very often.

D. I don't believe any of that plays a part at all.

a) I had to try and look up conversion symptoms because as far as I know [and I could be wrong, obviously], we don't experience seizures. I have had one sort of seizure in my life, but...I don't think it was related. I do have headaches every day constantly, and the more of "us" that are around, the worse they get. I have a lot of digestive problems they can't seem to fix, and a lot of pain/fatigue issues. I do sometimes get really weird twitches or numb feelings in my arms or legs. My vision goes wonky a lot.

b) I think so, yes. Um...I have one insider with a British accent who has spoken consistently in it for 12 or so hours. I think our lactose intolerance differs based on who's out. [Unfortunately, I think at least one person's is worse than mine...] Our voice changes? Depending on who's out. You might not be able to tell unless you know us well, however. That time the one with the British accent was out? Yeah, spoke around my aunt...and my MOM, and neither of them noticed. It was funny. Sometimes our eye color seems to change. And we walk differently. It's really noticeable if you look at, say, me walk and then our protector walk. She sort of...stalk/stomps everywhere. And I think our stomach issues tend to get better/worsen depending on who's out.

Eisa wrote:a) I had to try and look up conversion symptoms because as far as I know [and I could be wrong, obviously], we don't experience seizures. I have had one sort of seizure in my life, but...I don't think it was related. I do have headaches every day constantly, and the more of "us" that are around, the worse they get. I have a lot of digestive problems they can't seem to fix, and a lot of pain/fatigue issues. I do sometimes get really weird twitches or numb feelings in my arms or legs. My vision goes wonky a lot.

When laying down do you sometimes jerk when they switch? I don't get that often but have felt it before. Is there any type of conversion symptom? It does not have to be convulsions.

I read the headaches are from forced switching. After surgery when I did not feel like letting anyone come out and they did not feel like coming out, I had horrible headaches all day until we were all comfortable again with sharing.

-- Fri Sep 02, 2011 6:07 pm --

Eisa wrote: I think our lactose intolerance differs based on who's out.

I had surgery for GERD 2 weeks ago and my Doc said it will fix a lot of issues I have been having like my digestive issues and exhaustion. I already feel less tired than I did before the surgery! My Milk (and lactose) Intolerance has not gotten any better though. I am with you tough at sometimes it seems I can tolerate things, like sharp cheese and other times I cannot.

Question: A. Disruption of identity characterized by two or more distinct personality states or an experience of possession, as evidenced by discontinuities in sense of self, cognition, behavior, affect, perceptions, and/or memories. This disruption may be observed by others or reported by the patient.

There are at least four (I think) that have come out in therapy not including myself. There are several others, a few of which I believe are fragments.

Question: B. Inability to recall important personal information, for everyday events or traumatic events, that is inconsistent with ordinary forgetfulness.

I've been told about arguments I've had where I acted like a completely different person. I have lots of blank spots in my memory daily. I have a lot of things that I don't recall writing/drawing/creating. Apparently I made a very detailed sculpture of a dragon and a ferret, baked them, and painted them with no recollection. I could go on...

Question: C. Causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. *

I'm doing all right now. I work for a corporation doing a lot of community outreach related things. My T actually does not believe that this is my job because I'm so social inept. To be honest, I kind of agree with her. This job takes a social butterfly. I'm a social pariah with a bad sense of humor. I know that Ellie does the majority of this job, but that I'm almost always present.
Socially, I'm a doofus. I don't do the whole relationship thing that well and become agitated even considering it.

Question: D. The disturbance is not a normal part of a broadly accepted cultural or religious practice and is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., blackouts or chaotic behavior during Alcohol intoxication) or a general medical condition (e.g., complex partial seizures). NOTE: In children, the symptoms are not attributable to imaginary playmates or other fantasy play.

a) With non-epileptic seizures or other conversion symptoms

I was (incorrectly) diagnosed as an epileptic. The medicine was great for my migraines, but nothing else. Now, no longer being on the medication, I still twitch and move in manners that are similar to seizures, however it does not seem likely I have epilepsy since all my brain scans are relatively normal. The majority of my "seizures" have included inability to recognize everyone, talking nonsensically (but still responding to questions) and trying to run away. They also include dropping to the ground abruptly and then scrambling to my feet and trying to run.

Question: b) With somatic symptoms that vary across identities
(I assume this means our different parts have different vision, blood pressure, allergies, etc..)

We have differing allergies, including one that is anaphylactic for one but not others. One or two are near-sighted. One has almost constant leg pain.

I only have the epileptic-like seizures when others are out - in fact its how I know one is out often. Is the host having them? That would be freaky!

tylas wrote:
When laying down do you sometimes jerk when they switch? I don't get that often but have felt it before. Is there any type of conversion symptom? It does not have to be convulsions.

I read the headaches are from forced switching. After surgery when I did not feel like letting anyone come out and they did not feel like coming out, I had horrible headaches all day until we were all comfortable again with sharing.

Sometimes. It seems like when we switch, my head kind of drops down and it jerks when someone else comes out. I actually tried to capture our switching on video for someone [the same friend I mentioned before] because she felt her switching looked lame. And she said she could see it all, like actually see the moment when I wasn't exactly "there" anymore, and then someone else took over, and there's a little twitch of my head and neck. And I think so, but I'm not entirely sure what all is included under conversion symptoms.

Eurgh. We also get worse headaches if there are a lot of people out at one time [well not actually out-out, but...close], or if a lot of people switch in and out in one day. It's not fun at all.

tylas wrote:I had surgery for GERD 2 weeks ago and my Doc said it will fix a lot of issues I have been having like my digestive issues and exhaustion. I already feel less tired than I did before the surgery! My Milk (and lactose) Intolerance has not gotten any better though. I am with you tough at sometimes it seems I can tolerate things, like sharp cheese and other times I cannot.

That's awesome that it helped! Yeah, it's confusing because it's like sometimes we can eat cheese or whatever and be fine...and other times we can't. And it's not like it's easy to tell when you can eat what food.

tylas wrote:I only have the epileptic-like seizures when others are out - in fact its how I know one is out often. Is the host having them? That would be freaky!

To be honest, I don't know how to answer this question. When the more severe of my epileptic-like seizures have happened, I have a memory block for them. The only thing I really member is a horrible sense of fear and that something bad is going to come from my memories (sorry, I don't think that makes sense). However, I know that I'm not the only one who experiences them. I know Ellie has experienced them severely and C tends to move me with seizure-like motions when she's near, or even at the surface. I don't think any of the others twitch or cause movements in such a manner. Wow, this a confusing thing.