T is terminating relationship. My heart is breaking.

I guess recording the conversation wasn't the greatest idea after all. I felt so bad afterward that I emailed her and told her I wouldn't do it again, that I had been curious to see what happened when the volume got turned down.

I just got a voicemail from her saying that it was a breach of trust and that she's cancelling our appointment tomorrow and that she has to terminate the relationship. I feel horrible. I can't even believe that I did that. Of course it's a breach of trust why didn't I see that before? I was just so selfish in trying to figure out how to get better faster that I lost the support of someone who I had really learned to love(in a healthy, therapeutic way of course).

My whole heart is in shambles right now and I just don't know what to do.

I'm so sorry you're going through this... Although, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You wanting to get better is a good thing, and though you may have made a mistake in trying to find a way to get better faster, it proves that you are willing to work at healing and really want to. This is a good trait to have, so I hope you don't lose it. It really helps you out to be motivated to heal.

I'd suggest either calling or emailing your T, politely asking to meet in person. Not for a therapy session, but just to clear the air and have closure. It would give you the opportunity to apologize in person and explain your reasonings. Let your T know how bad you feel and how broken up you are over the termination. Tell your T how you feel about your relationship and how much your T means to you. Even though it's a breach of trust, perhaps your T would be willing to work towards an agreement and have you earn her trust back again. And if your T still wants to end the relationship, at least you can give yourself closure about apologizing and explaining yourself in person and have the opportunity to say good-bye.

I know not much can help or comfort in this situation, but at least keep in mind that people on this site are here for you and want to at least try to help. *hugs if you want them*

Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. If I were in your position I'd apologize (well, I assume you already have) and try to get her talk about it and see what made me do it . I mean, people make mistakes that often seem rather harmless beforehand, without realizing all aspects of the final outcome. I assume you didn't fully understand that what you did would become a trust issue.
Try to talk to her, and don't lose your courage. What you did was maybe silly, but you didn't mean any harm.

DividedTruth, I am soo sorry to hear that your T has terminated therapy with you. I was one of the people who was worried when you said you wanted to record a session with your T, but I didn't voice those concerns. I am sorry I didn't.

I am thinking of terminating my own therapy, but I'll tell you this about my T- if I ever recorded a session with her I think she would feel upset and maybe a little violated, but I would bet that she would allow me to continue to see her.

Is it possible that your T might cool off and agree to seeing you again? I don't want to give you hope if there is none, but I do wonder...

How long have you been seeing this T?

*the biggest hug ever, if you want it*

She just called me back. I am soooo sad. Crying as I write this. She said she wasn't sure I felt very comfortable with her anyway though. Which I DON'T GET. Because I was comfortable before...something happened after the whole hospital incident...something happened each time I would try to ask her what was REALLY wrong, and she just seemed to beat around the bush. I know THAT bothered me. But I am still in so much pain. I'll take those hugs now.

*huge hugs*

Perhaps you can explain that too her. Let her know how comfortable you felt with her, but also let her know that you felt like each time you asked her what was wrong you felt you weren't getting a straight answer. Tell her that any vibe she might've gotten from you was probably from you being bothered that you weren't getting solid, straight answers. Explain that you were comfortable until the hospital incident, and even after that you were still comfortable with her, just frustrated and not knowing what's going on with you.

What the hell?
What's the problem with her if you record the session? Surely it's you that's spilling out your heart and soul so it's YOU who should have been annoyed if someone recorded it and not the other way around.

What does she have to complain about? Is she scared she's such a bad therapist and someone will get their hands on the tape and she'll be fired or something? This is absolutely ridiculous. She's a therapist, she should advocate anything that speeds up the healing process. Abandonment will NOT speed up the healing process!

Yeah well, your T is overreacting in my opinion as well, unless there is something else there that explains it.

DividedTruth, I am so very sorry. I think this sucks. Therapists make a really big deal about the therapeutic value of repairing the inevitable ruptures that occur in therapy. To terminate work with you like this is very unprofessional of her, and it is even more unprofessional of her to use your disclosure to pretend it is "your fault".

Dividedtruth,

I am so, so sorry. How completely devastating... I was following your thread about you taping your session. I never thought in a million years she would terminate your relationship as a result!!! Yes it may have been a breach of trust, but it sounds like she's taking it to the extreme. I am just truly so very sorry.

Just remember that therapists can be triggered just like we can. It sounds like she had a very extreme reaction. Maybe she's had some bad experiences with clients breaching her trust in the past, and that's why she reacted the way she did. Who knows. In my opinion, her actions were extreme. She had every right to feel hurt and violated, but its also her responsibility as your therapist to try to understand why you did what you did, and keep the lines of communication open. Rather than doing that, she just shut you off and shut you out completely. It really isn't right. Like others said on here, you at least have the right to closure. At least. And it sounds like she's not even willing to give you that.

I have had therapists terminate relationships with me in the past, and I can relate to what you're going through. Even though it hurts like hell, and for this I'm so sorry, try to remember that this has more to do with her than with you. For whatever reason you hit a nerve and she reacted. Honestly though, if she's someone who is so quick to terminate your therapeutic relationship, without giving you a chance to redeem yourself, isn't it better that you found out sooner than later? I'm in no way trying to make it seem like it was a good thing that this happened. I don't think that at all. But maybe in the long run its for the better... You want a therapist who you know will stick it out with you through thick and thin. And when she was presented with a challenge in the relationship, she ran. And you deserve better.

Hang in there... just know you are not alone and you have the support of everyone here.
Caroline