Spontaneous integration

I need to know more about spontaneous integration, especially the subjective experience of it, and if there is a pattern to the circumstances under which it occurs for a particular system.

Here is an article about integration in general:

http://www.sidran.org/sub.cfm?contentID=73&sectionid=4

Dissociation and Integration:
http://scienceblogs.com/developingintel ... _short.php

FAQ on DID with info on differences:
http://www.didmpdinfo.com/Simple.html#15

I did not find much info, but hopefully something there will be useful to you.

It's never happened to me personally, but it happened to Adrianna. One day, she was just gone. We looked for her and couldn't find her. Then others started randomly showing her traits. It's integration, but it happens naturally, rapidly, and seemingly without reason.
~RAGE

I have read that is how it can happen too. Two parts that are similar will combine..

Maybe it could be said as they cooperate and agree, so they combine?

The more I think of it, I believe that certain parts that have been active during stressful times in my life have spontaneously integrated after they've done their job. That would be R and little brother... cos really, I've tried 'reviving' both of them now that I found out what and who they are (yes, isn't it rather pathetic ) , and although R has visited twice very briefly it wasn't the same. It was just good, I felt safe and warm and loved, without the manic-depressed, anorectic edge. I feel that they are me and I am them, and it will always be like that.

Whenever I notice that P is affecting me, which happens often nowadays (and P is very talkative), R seems to be quietly around but he's passive. I don't know if it's because I assume they were born together and somehow they form a pair. R's two recent visits were before P came to introduce himself. Maybe R opened the door for him.

Oh, I dunno. I'm not 100% sure about the integration now that I mentioned about P and R being connected. It could be that P just reminds me of R. At least little brother seems to be on the shelf permanently.

What was it like when R and I integrated? Before he stopped being active, I made a spiritual-like journey. I've told about it earlier. I sort of flew into the landscape in my mind, the night river landscape that is R's world. I went to look for him, to find his body, because I had only met him 'as a spirit' and I was desperate to locate his physical body. He was the one who had always made me sad and restless on rainy nights, when I felt that someone has gone missing and is out in the cold alone, and I should rescue him. Even as kid I used to talk about it to my sister when the feeling overwhelmed me and I didn't know what to do about it.
I did find R that night, I saw his body. All of this happened inside my mind, but I wasn't sure then if it was a journey on some spiritual level, the whole thing was so unusual. Maybe it was then that I realized he is one part of me that has existed separately for it dawned on me that if we go on like before he can be lost again, or he could start 'haunting' me with more force, which would involve more active self-harm. So I rescued us. I felt it was my decision. I don't remember the actual merging, but I stopped noticing his presence and the negative aspects of his personality that had prevailed without break for several months were gone. I also felt like I woke up from an altered state that had been going on for the whole time he was there.

On the other hand, since I was in the middle of the crisis of losing a terminally ill family member, when R was gone I had to deal with all the pain and sadness and confusion without his indirect solutions. It was a rude awakening on many levels, (edit) but it was a healthy one. Instead of R's major vulnerability with a big twist of self-harm, there was a new acceptance of vulnerability and weakness in me, for up until R came, I had been trying to be as strong and tough as possible in order to not collapse. I stopped forcing myself to be strong after what I think was our integration.

Edit 2: I'm making it sound easy, which it wasn't. I don't remember everything, looking back it all looks simplified. This is the basic storyline, of it, and I have to stress the word story because my mind always arranges things in a way that could be compared to how stories are written. Detective stories! I think that the time was ripe for me and R then, and I had to make a decision.

I'm not assuming that it's like this for everyone, and certainly not simple or easy in any case!

oh wow, it made a separate post ! Woo hoo!

The major occurrences leading up to my integration-

"Appearance" of myself when it was deemed "safe" enough by my system to let me out

Lots of therapy, worked through the 'major' issues

Lots of loving acceptance from my boyfriend, allowing me to do what I needed to,
but setting strict boundaries (This allowed the "hidden" alters to surface)

Went through every single alter (a new one would pop up every time I "hit" a severely
hidden/protected memory and we'd have to work with that fragment or alter, after they felt
satisfied, they would either integrate or disappear for awhile)

Became the leader of my system, with the alters popping up on cue every time I was ready for a new one, was "out" more and more

The tics slowly started disappearing (tics were actually my kids) except for one very loud,
suicidal, angry alter

The suicidal angry alter was the very last one, the scariest one I didn't want to acknowledge or deal with "C"

Finally acknowledged, hell broke loose (momentarily) but not like I thought it would, turned out to be a very, very young alter that didn't want to let go of the original trauma that caused us to split

Was in a spot that I wanted to integrate, because it no longer served a purpose, and I could deal with losing my alters, I needed my relationship to work and it was hurting someone I loved

Felt I could deal with the original trauma, no matter how hard it was

Asked "C" and my angels to please help me to understand and to integrate

After a lot of verbal abuse and craziness "C" calmed down, realized where she was, and
suddenly showed herself as she truly was, someone who was just doing what she believed
I wanted all along, and followed my feelings instead of my mind

"C" released to me the original trauma, talked me through it

I accepted the reality of my original trauma and didn't deny it, acknowledged where
I was now and that I could move on

(this part is a little hazy) Integration of EVERYONE except F (20+ parts)

Now I'm only left with "F", who is the gatekeeper, ringleader, controller behind the strings
in my system. He never comes "out" anymore, will tic maybe once a day under stress,
but he generally just watches and supports.

Memory is all back, I can remember all my alters did.

I am assuming "F" may integrate, or even "I" may integrate into F, since he seems to be
the string holder, when I am ready, but I'm not sure how it works, or why he's still around.

That was system integration, now I'll talk a little about my parts integration while I still had my whole system-

My system was very complex and fragmented- for example F and S were full alters, with their own personality, like, dislike, but they also had their own fragments that did not belong to me-
F had Ce as a fragment that he disowned.
When we worked with Ce, he disappeared after we acknowledged his trauma and helped him work through it. Eventually, Ce's memories became F's.
Ce just spontaneously integrated, I'm thinking he was an unhealed fragment- and since he was a fragment, he was very limited- no personality- just memory and role- and when he fully healed he reconnected to F like magnetism or glue...

I am asking these questions because I had one spontaneous integration and I sense that another one is going to happen soon. The first one happened during sex. Does this predict or dictate how future integrations will happen? Is there an internal logic to this experience?