BLENDING...

Does anyone know anything about "blending"? Or know any good resources where I can read about it? Or if you've experienced it, would you be able to describe your experience of it for me so I can get a better understanding of it? I thought I had experienced it before but now I think I'm wrong. Last night I had an experience that can only be explained as blending. It's sort of freaking me out actually. I want to know more about it so I can determine if this is what was really going on.

Basically, I had a phone session last night with my T, where a really angry part was talking to her. I have an extremely co-conscious system and I don't usually have amnesia when parts are out. However, my experience last night was different than usual. It wasn't your typical "co-conscious" experience: they are talking, I am observing. This conversion was like a mind trip, because there was NO separation between myself and this part. There is usually some degree of separation. So it was like I was the one talking, and yet it wasn't me at the same time. It's very hard to explain. We felt like the same person and yet the words I was saying weren't words I'd normally use, and my intonation was different, etc. And her thoughts seemed like my own thoughts, they were just really angry! After the phone session I was completely freaked out, because I started thinking I had made up this angry part, that it didn't seem real. Ugh. Like, that part was really just a bad mood disguised as a "part". And yet I can't imagine that that's true...

That's when I started thinking about the possibility of blending. But I feel I don't know enough about it that's why I'm posting. Any thoughts or feedback would be greatly appreciated!

I would like to know as well. I have not read anything on this. I have seen threads here in the group but bypassed them since I was not ready to dig into this. I am now.

Yes, this is blending.

When I am blending sometimes I feel like I am telling a lie and it is compulsive, I cannot help myself. Other times I feel acutely embarrassed. This has happened to me a few times when I have told a male acquaintance much younger than myself that I have a very high regard for him. Although my remarks of this nature are socially appropriate, they are nonetheless out of character for me.

Sometimes blending is perceptible to others. Typically, without switching, a DID client says something then promptly disavows what they just said. Such disavowed speech is one of the signs therapists are taught to look for to detect concealed DID among their clients. When I did this in a recent therapy session my therapist spotted it immediately.

Blending is mentioned in many books by psychotherapists experienced in treating DID, but so far I have found no extended discussion of it. It is mentioned frequently as a passing moment that is similar to integration. My experience of spontaneous integration with my alter Teen Girl agrees with this.

I think that I've experienced several types of blending.
I only notice it properly when there are no other people around. So far R has appeared only when I'm alone. The other night I discovered some of my notes about this shortly after he went away for the first time, and there I said it felt a little similar to when a cat climbs onto my lap and lays itself down comfortably. Not literally, you know, but it's tentative and graceful. Or like someone wraps you in a soft blanket and holds you gently. The last time I felt that only my hands were 'his'. It's not always that physical. It's like two people sitting in one body, and I sort of read his moods and thoughts like mental letters. His state of mind, which is beautifully depressed and melancholic, also self-destructive in a passive way, and not driven by sense of humour at all (which is unusual to me!) used to blend into mine. If I remember correctly, I feel a little intoxicated when he is around, it does unusual things to my mood because he is so blue and on the other hand, I become so happy to meet him that my spirits rise!

P has visited me both when I'm alone and when other people are around. It's different with him, he's like more possessive and active and I feel more disharmonius when he's around, more like he's leading the situation and sometimes even using me, ugh. He just recently introduced himself to me just like that, most likely encouraged by the fact that after having spent time on here I've finally stopped doubting my multiplicity. So after that I've experienced almost daily co-consciousness and conversations with him, sort of catching up stuff because he has influenced me actively for most of the time in the past too. But I'm not sure if you can call that blending too, because when he decides to take the front I often feel very split and feel these two opposing opinions or minds in me. If he surfaces when there are other people , it can happen in the middle of starngers or with a close friend, it's sometimes embarassing to me. Maybe because he is so much in control of my sexuality and I remember that no matter what the situation is. He also somehow flickers going on and off, on and off very rapidly especially when I'm trying to focus on one thing. It's not that he isn't likeable, vice versa, he's just a little imprudent and harsh.
I get headache just when I think of it

Una+ wrote:When I am blending sometimes I feel like I am telling a lie and it is compulsive, I cannot help myself. Other times I feel acutely embarrassed.

I play an instrument. I have gotten pretty good, very fast. I feel like I am lying or pretending that I play it so well and that it's "just another show she puts on". When obviously I'm not. I cannot lie or pretend to be good at something.
Is that blending too?
Influencing is when the people inside, are somehow making me do, say, think or feel something that's not me?
co-consciousness feels as if we have 2 heads or 2 half bodies to me( I have literally made the mistake of counting myself twice!), or as if we're watching from inside (or is that again something else?).
The way you explain blending to me is, that another alter is out with me at the same time, but that we are not co-conscious with each other?
Seems like I blend a lot, according to the "disavowed speech".

brandic wrote:Does anyone know anything about "blending"? Or know any good resources where I can read about it? Or if you've experienced it, would you be able to describe your experience of it for me so I can get a better understanding of it? I thought I had experienced it before but now I think I'm wrong. Last night I had an experience that can only be explained as blending. It's sort of freaking me out actually. I want to know more about it so I can determine if this is what was really going on.

Basically, I had a phone session last night with my T, where a really angry part was talking to her. I have an extremely co-conscious system and I don't usually have amnesia when parts are out. However, my experience last night was different than usual. It wasn't your typical "co-conscious" experience: they are talking, I am observing. This conversion was like a mind trip, because there was NO separation between myself and this part. There is usually some degree of separation. So it was like I was the one talking, and yet it wasn't me at the same time. It's very hard to explain. We felt like the same person and yet the words I was saying weren't words I'd normally use, and my intonation was different, etc. And her thoughts seemed like my own thoughts, they were just really angry! After the phone session I was completely freaked out, because I started thinking I had made up this angry part, that it didn't seem real. Ugh. Like, that part was really just a bad mood disguised as a "part". And yet I can't imagine that that's true...

That's when I started thinking about the possibility of blending. But I feel I don't know enough about it that's why I'm posting. Any thoughts or feedback would be greatly appreciated!

This is how I switch all of the time. Only "I'm" pretty much gone.

I'm assuming blending is what I experience a good portion of the time (in addition to co-conscious and co-present stuff). I had a blended experience in a phone session a couple of weeks ago where I had taken on all of my Poet's thoughts and feelings and anything I said could have been said in third or first person and felt accurate either way. It was like I was aware there were two of us there, but both of us were engaged and I could describe it from my vantage point or hers equally easily.

I had never heard of that whole saying something and then disavowing it thing. I tend to do that a lot, except I do it all in one statement. Otherwise, I will report feeling something and have to say, "Nope, nevermind, it's gone. Don't feel that way anymore." Nearly everything that I say in therapy has that special sort of ambivalence about it. Since I came to know my parts better, I have been able to identify this part feels this way and that part feels that way and I kind of feel both sides of that. I guess this means I have a good deal of blending? T says he sees me already starting to integrate some of my parts' stuff.

Una+ wrote:Sometimes blending is perceptible to others. Typically, without switching, a DID client says something then promptly disavows what they just said.

This does happen to me occasionally, and mostly I laugh it off and say to whoever is with me, "Where did that come from..."

However, that's not so much what my experience has been lately with this one alter. It's not just single things in a conversation that come through, it's that she and I are the same person. There is no separation between us. The only reason I know that it's not purely "me" is because I notice my thought pattern change drastically. It's like I have entered into someone else's mind. And it's my alters. I don't "feel" her presence when this happens the way I do when I am co-conscious with other alters. And this only seems to happen with this one.

Una+ wrote:When I am blending sometimes I feel like I am telling a lie and it is compulsive, I cannot help myself.

This is precisely what I felt after the conversation with my therapist. Everything I had said in that conversation felt like a lie. I proceeded to write my T an email, telling her how the alter who she had spoken with on the phone (who speaks much differently than myself) was just a figment of my imagination, and that I had made it up completely. That it was a big lie. That my others alters are real, but this one isn't. My reaction I think was due to not feeling any sort of separation from this part. Usually there is some sort of physical sensation when another part comes close, or "takes over." Also, I typically go into "observer" mode where I'm watching and listening to what the part is doing. Not in this case. My body doesn't feel any different, I don't feel anything as far as a presence, and yet my mind gets filled with angry rants and I want to smoke a cigarette (I hate cigarettes and this part smokes - or would smoke if she got a chance).

So I guess my question is, is it possible to be co-conscious with some parts (when they are present, or in front) and "blended" with other parts? And if I'm always blended with this part when this one is close, does that mean that we are integrated? Or does it just mean I have a different relationship with this one than I do with the others? I don't feel integrated with this one, because for the most part she (and her thoughts) are outside my awareness.

under ice wrote:I only notice it properly when there are no other people around. So far R has appeared only when I'm alone. The other night I discovered some of my notes about this shortly after he went away for the first time, and there I said it felt a little similar to when a cat climbs onto my lap and lays itself down comfortably. Not literally, you know, but it's tentative and graceful. Or like someone wraps you in a soft blanket and holds you gently. The last time I felt that only my hands were 'his'. It's not always that physical. It's like two people sitting in one body, and I sort of read his moods and thoughts like mental letters. His state of mind, which is beautifully depressed and melancholic, also self-destructive in a passive way, and not driven by sense of humour at all (which is unusual to me!) used to blend into mine. If I remember correctly, I feel a little intoxicated when he is around, it does unusual things to my mood because he is so blue and on the other hand, I become so happy to meet him that my spirits rise!

Wow what a beautiful relationship you have with your alters! I feel like I have a ways to go, but I would like to achieve the same level of appreciation and closeness that you seem to have with some of yours. Also, interestingly enough, this alter who I've been feeling "blended with" lately (especially last night) chose to go by the name R.

yakusoku wrote:I'm assuming blending is what I experience a good portion of the time (in addition to co-conscious and co-present stuff). I had a blended experience in a phone session a couple of weeks ago where I had taken on all of my Poet's thoughts and feelings and anything I said could have been said in third or first person and felt accurate either way. It was like I was aware there were two of us there, but both of us were engaged and I could describe it from my vantage point or hers equally easily.

The difference between what you describe and my experience is that I have no idea what is "hers" and what is "mine" (as far as thoughts and feelings go) and it causes me much distress. The only thing I have to go on is if the thought has a profuse amount of cussing, I think it's hers. But I hate not feeling separate from it. It's very unsettling for me, for some reason. I guess I need proof that it's not just me making it all up... :/

I know I explained in another forum that Johann and Johnny have a tendency to blend quite often because while the whole system is co-conscious, Johann and Johnny are even more co-conscious with each other, and have been since before they started dating me and began to explore the aspects of why everyone was the way that they were and how to become co-conscious. Thing is, they can blend in thought-process or opinion while being nowhere near merging into one person because their personalities are far too dissimilar.

But if you take two personalities like Johnny and Jack who are extremely alike in personality and thought-process and they're blending in the middle of a conversation, especially with something that is particular to them and none of the other alters, the two have a possibility of eventually merging. Johnny and Jack try to avoid each other (and pretend to hate each other) because they're afraid of merging because Jack is fully aware that it is eventually going to happen (and told me that this morning) due to the only difference in the two of them being their names, ages, and that Jack looks like a younger version of their father (with good reason), while Johnny looks more like the physical body (with a different hairstyle).

In an attempt to not merge, the two will willingly bait each other into fights and such to keep them on opposite sides. For example, the other night Jack did something stupid and I asked him to apologize to Johnny. Begrudgingly Jack agrees, then goes, 'Hey, a**hole, get your fat a** out here, I wanna tell ya somethin'.' well, the retaliation was for Johnny to throw an empty bottle of beer at him, and then come out and go, 'Yeah, yeah, whatever...' all buzzed and not listening when Jack tried to genuinely apologize.

Kiddo and Ecchi also often tend to blend, specifically because they share the same perverted thoughts, despite the age gap. Jack has claimed that 'Whoever created the alters in this system certainly f***ed up when making Ecchi and made him into an idiot. He's just an older version of Kiddo, and he's twenty.' They have a likelihood of merging one day too, because like Johnny and Jack, their personalities are extremely similar.

Hiya. I'm RAGE, 16 year old host. I'm what our system calls a 'skin'. Basically, unless the core comes out herself, I'm always there to provide a sheild between her and the world. I'm an alter in my own right, don't get me wrong. Katherine and I are pretty different. I'm more mature, more socially out-going,braver, more hyper. Most of the time, though, we're blended. She sits directly behind me. She can't always hear all my thoughts or anything, but she can feel most of my emotions, she feels like she is me (or, if we need to take on her name, vice versa), we both feel like we're the one moving the body. She's more powerful, so if she seperates herself, then how she wants to move is generally what we're going to do. But otherwise, it can be like we're one person. But if I have to remember something or mention something as RAGE, it usually catches her attention because then she remembers she's seperate. Then our thoughts and emotions seperate for a little bit and she's just watching from the inside again, thinking her own thoughts and having her own feelings and memories.

Another example would be how I use to blend with Amon (as a skin, I tend to have trouble functioning with just me). It was like temporary integration, almost. We got her hatred. Her anger. Her intellect. But we kept my name, identity, general age range, sexuality, and ability to remain calm. Then, when I was out without her, it was just me again. Sure, I was still pretty angry, but once I was calmed down, I remained pretty calm unless we blended again. Then, we felt like the same person. While blended, you don't even realize you are a seperate person. It was a bit unnerving.

On the other hand, those are the only two alters I've blended with, to my knowledge. Maybe I've just never gotten the chance to blend with anyone else, but I've never felt like anyone else was with me like that. So yeah, I would think only certain alters can blend with each other.

Hope this helps!
~RAGE