Had a weird moment?

So...I'll try to explain this as simply as possible.

Have you ever felt like your head is a cavern? Like it is it's own realm, where you can actually perceive the vast space? This might be the craziest thing I've shared thus far (I keep the real crazy thoughts to myself! ), but it's something I've been curious about.

Okay, onto the weird moment now that I've given you some background info...

I had heard some 'arguments' in my head. It really was just some angry buzzing, no real words yet, waaaaayyy back in my mind. Curiously, I decided to 'poke' at it while driving to work this morning, since the therapist I will be going to has wanted me to write down whatever I hear. I didn't get anything really (not that I remember anyway), but it felt as if something was rushing up from the 'back' to the 'front' of my head. Then, before it could hit and start talking (I had this feeling that whatever it was, was trying to hurry up and tell me something...weird huh?) something grabbed it and started hauling it back. I could 'see' (in my mind's eye) two figures; one stomping off and the other being dragged by the back of the shirt collar with his heels digging into the 'ground'.

Oh, and my head is pounding. It gets worse if I try to poke around back there. I've gotten some angry words, things like 'Alone!' and 'Stop!', so I stopped.

Anyone else experience something like this? Or feel the weird physics? I know a lot of you guys talk about your internal houses; do they have a distinct space and/or time? I honestly thought it was 'normal' to feel like my mind was some kind of cavern, with lots of twists and turns and blocks and dark spaces....kinda realizing now that it might not be! Lol.

All this is abnormal, except in people with DID, for whom it is totally normal. Your interior world is coming into focus faster than mine is. That rushing forward is an insider trying to come out in front while you stay in front too. Co-consciousness. That insider was pulled back by another insider, so your system isn't ready yet for this meeting to happen. Someone in my system is holding the others back too. Until co-consciousness becomes routine, I recommend not letting it happen while you are driving a car! Ask them to wait for a time and place that is safe for you to let this happen.

Una+ wrote:All this is abnormal, except in people with DID, for whom it is totally normal. Your interior world is coming into focus faster than mine is. That rushing forward is an insider trying to come out in front while you stay in front too. Co-consciousness. That insider was pulled back by another insider, so your system isn't ready yet for this meeting to happen. Someone in my system is holding the others back too. Until co-consciousness becomes routine, I recommend not letting it happen while you are driving a car! Ask them to wait for a time and place that is safe for you to let this happen.

Thank you! That makes me feel better, lol. I never experienced that feeling, so I was caught off guard; I also knew it wouldn't have been a good idea had he 'hit'.

The angry buzzing started when my dad mentioned last night that me, mom, and my younger brother once lived in Alabama. Apparently my mom had a boyfriend there. The moment dad mentioned it, and I absolutely have no memory of being in Alabama, I felt instantly panicky. I had to actually put my phone down and swallow for a while. He said I was five. I had been contemplating this new information (my mom never mentioned Alabama, she only ever mentioned our brief stay in Florida when she left dad for a while) this morning, and that's when the person ran forward. I'm actually quite afraid now, to be honest... That fear is helping me to slow down though. I'd thought I was ready to confront some things and get them out...now, I'm not so sure. I'm glad this therapist is willing to see me though.

LinaeveWorkman wrote:The angry buzzing started when my dad mentioned last night that me, mom, and my younger brother once lived in Alabama. Apparently my mom had a boyfriend there. The moment dad mentioned it, and I absolutely have no memory of being in Alabama, I felt instantly panicky.

Right. This goes in your family history. Start a timeline in a computer file or on index cards so you can add pieces as you come across them. Make a note which pieces you do not remember.

I too have experienced an inexplicable feeling of terror when an older person in my family mentions an event I have no memory of. [I had a similar feeling when I heard about the youth camp massacre last week in Norway. I have no idea why that situation triggers me so much more than any of the school massacres in recent years.]

Does your family have old photo albums? Look through those, and also look at any photo or negative stashes for telling photos that didn't make the cut to go in an album.

Great thread ladies! Listening with great interest!

Thanks for posting this LinaeveWorkman. I had a very similar experience to this when I was in with my T a couple of weeks ago (with the major exception being that it felt like I was rushing backward and someone else was rushing forward).

I'm glad my post helped a little.

Does your family have old photo albums? Look through those, and also look at any photo or negative stashes for telling photos that didn't make the cut to go in an album.

When I was around eleven years old, we lost everything in our possession to asbestos. Our furnace darn near exploded, and the stuff covered EVERYTHING. Instead of paying for a cleanup that would probably yield not-so-great results, the insurance company decided it would be cheaper to just pay us for what was in the house. That left the landlord with all of our stuff to biohazardly get rid of, and we weren't allowed to take a single item.

To get to the point, lol, we barely have any photos. We have newer ones, and some old ones that made it through because a camera was found in the car or something, but nothing from back then.

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I also just made the mistake of asking my mom (she's better, btw. She might not come down at all...forgot to update that situation) if I was right. When I first wrote here in 'Curious', I had assumed what had happened to me via uncle. I have a vague memory of something, so I assumed a lot of it. Well, I asked for verification, and my mom broke down and told me. I'm a little....crazy right now, but they (the alters, it seems) are doing a pretty good job of dissociating for me. I feel upset and crazy and anxious and scared and angry and suicidal, but it's as if someone is leeching it the moment I feel it, as if it's 'passing through' and into that dark space. I shouldn't have been so stupid as to ask. I am so naive and ignorant sometimes, always thinking 'well, this can't happen to me! Probably just a false memory!'. Yeah, right.
Enough of that. It hurts to try to think of it right now. Like physically my head feels like imploding.
BTW, I was FIVE.
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Anywho, it is quite neat to explore this 'space within space'. It's awkward, and makes me question the world around me sometimes and how we perceive things, but it's neat.

Ooops, gotta run! Hubby brought home comfort food. He knows just how to treat us!

Yup, that paragraph sure does trigger. I am so sorry, for you and for myself too.

Una+ wrote:Yup, that paragraph sure does trigger. I am so sorry, for you and for myself too.

I'm so sorry!! I put the trigger warning. I didn't mean to trigger you....

LinaeveWorkman wrote:I'm so sorry!! I put the trigger warning. I didn't mean to trigger you....

That's okay. I saw the warning and looked anyway. Part of the healing process is to locate the wounds that need healing. Now I have angry buzzing in my head. And a new thought that is sick-making.