to integrate or not?

Our therapist in our last session asked how I feel about integration. Some of us want to, but personally I feel almost hopeless. We were integrated before and it didn't work well. We have been separate for most of our lives, this is how we function, and we function rather well all things considered.
I feel almost obligated to integrate to fit the norm, and I feel some pressure from her to do it. I think we just need to learn to cooperate and function as a unit. I have to admit I'm frustrated with the idea. Parts of me are going through some really rough times but as we get used to being separate again we are becoming more stable. I feel like we are, on the whole, more of a person now than we were when we were integrated. Maybe I'm just letting fear of the unknown cloud my judgment. Is it crazy of me to think that before we can even entertain the idea of integration we must first learn to live with each other as we are?
-Suzy

Have you told those things to your therapist?
Why do you feel pressure from her side, has she somehow suggested that integration would mean that the therapy was a success?

Thanks for your reply.
No It wasn't anything she said really. She seemed frustrated with my desire to remain separate. She talked about coping mechanisms and learning new ones. Perhaps she was simply frustrated with our lack of self-cooperation, or our trouble communicating. we were switching a lot during that session. I only popped in during the last 5 minutes, again. Now that I think of it, she must have been terribly confused. We don't usually announce ourselves when we take the drivers seat. We try to continue what ever conversation we are in. I'm too much of a pushover, I let James or V have all the time. I think I'll try to talk to them and see if i can get more time with her in our next session.
-Suzy

I hope this does not come across as judgmental, but if you feel more complete now than when you were "integrated" in the past, then in the past you were not integrated, your system was just in hiding.

Una+, I've had that suspicion myself, but with my foggy memory I can't tell. I know James has been in denial. But I do think we were integrated at one time, years ago. I remember feeling complete, but.. I can't tell if that was a real event or if its in my head. I am trying to live in the now rather than worry about then. I'm still struggling to get the rest of us to accept who and what we are at the moment and then our therapist starts in with the whole integration thing. I think it was just bad timing. James was finally accepting us. I feel like I'm working against the therapist instead of with her, I just need more time with her and to be more open I suppose. I'm kind of protective, which makes me a bit defensive I suppose.
-Suzy

Not that I'm one to recommend when it is or isn't a good time to integrate, I know nothing about it, but your idea of trying to first improve your co-operation as multiple doesn't sound bad. Maybe the best thing to do is tell her honestly you are feeling and thinking about co-operation and integration, and also that you are worried that she was frustrated because all the switching. It could make all the transference and counter-transference stuff less menacing (maybe this is a strong wording but I couldn't think of a better one) from your point of view. You could even make a deal with her that referring to or discussing integration during therapy meetings doesn't mean that you need to get prepared for it sooner or later.

What I'm trying to say is that maybe you're interpreting the situation the way you do because you fear there will be pressure and that's why you need to take it up and make sure there won't be pressure. Sorry, I can't really express this thing in English as well as I'd like to.

Under Ice,
I think your probably right. I was probably feeling defensive, so I interpreted her words wrong. Sometimes I worry too much. Thank you for helping me put things in perspective.
-Suzy

I integrated a few weeks ago.
I still have one (F) watching over me but I have my memories and my emotions,
and I've become everyone... do everything.

For me I had to be ready for it, and I was cooperative with most if not all of my system at the time.
It truly was something that I wanted.

It was very scary at first, because it was so lonely.
It is just different. I had to learn to function as a 'singleton' and sometimes I miss being able
to "fade out" when stuff gets tough but it's helping me grow as a person.

It's going to be a personal choice but don't force yourself if you are not ready.
It is going to be up to you to stay multiple or 'single'.
Either way you will have to learn adapting methods.

I personally am glad that I finally got here. There is much more to learn, however.

Una+ wrote:I hope this does not come across as judgmental, but if you feel more complete now than when you were "integrated" in the past, then in the past you were not integrated, your system was just in hiding.

Or they were rushed into it, instead of allowing integration to happen naturally.

Personally, we're very against integration. We have strong relationships between many of us, and we couldn't stand to lose our wife/sister/daughter/best friend/girlfriend/ect. We've also had a bad experience with integration where I and Amon blended and became a system terror (my power with her h*tred? Not a good combo).
Anyway, we don't think integration is really nessecary. Either way, cooperation between system members is needed. Also, if you want to integrate, you need to want it for yourself, not your T, or it won't work. That much we do know from experience.
Good luck.
~RAGE