Hearing voices

I have this internal chatter too, I thought it was just something everyone did, until I knew about DID. The imaginary conversations are usually things I want a particular person to know, but feel unable to tell them. The mental conversation I like, it's how we work things out. And it's how we stay safe. If one is about to do something the others don't agree with they'll shout or give off emotional vibes, prompting whoever is on the surface to pause and perhaps reconsider. X

Ha! As I read this, more of it clicks into place.

I remember one night I woke up in the middle of the night, out of the blue. I laid there for a while, wide awake, wondering what woke me. Finally, after seeing nothing was wrong, I tried going back to sleep....that's when I heard 'Cousin, cousin are you there?'. It sounded crystal clear, as if it was coming from the living room (my bedroom was close to it at the time). Then a second voice would ask 'cousin?'. Freaked out, I pulled the covers over my head and tried to think happy thoughts (I thought it was ghosts!). The conversation went on to say: First girl, 'I don't think that's cousin.'. Second girl, 'But she's here, I know she is!'. Then a third, younger girl, 'Shhhh! The one on the bottom (my sister and I had shared a bunk bed and I was on the bottom) is awake!'. You can imagine my fear at that point, as I tried to understand what I was hearing. Finally, after a few moments of silence, I tried to rationalize what I heard and tried to go back to bed. I was wide awake, so it was terribly hard. Then, when it seemed like I would never get to sleep, one of the girls whispered in my ear 'Shhh...we're not here to hurt you.'. And like that, I passed out!

I never understood that moment. I've had a few like them (being taken over to go to sleep after a stressful day; I used to think I had a guardian angel that helped me), but never did I overhear a conversation. Perhaps those girls were just other 'me's', and they help me sleep when I honestly can't.

I think I may have digressed... It's been one of those days, sorry...

Anywho, I also have internal conversations. There's always a dark voice that has a sour thing to say every time I think something. For example: I'll say a woman who passed me by has very pretty hair...and this sour voice will come up unbidden and proclaim 'yeah, for a prostitute'. It completely ruins my mood, because I KNOW I don't think like that. I have my mean streaks, but goodness, I've never really thought an unkind thing about anyone... except maybe my math teacher...lol.


***might be triggering****

It's the same sour voice, now that I think about it, that had me self harming. And I think it may be it's own personality, since I don't remember actually performing the act, just staring at myself afterward. As of yet, I don't really 'know' my alters, though they've been peeking out on this board. They've been fairly quiet these last few days, barring the movie incident.

I think I got off topic a few times. I apologize. My thoughts are a little kooky today.