Innocent people who activate our alters

In other threads I have related some of my misadventures with a man who activates some of my alters. Before I found out about them, their activity caused me almost a year of discomfort, including a few months of extreme anguish. I think he is a good man, in no way an abuser, but something about him must be familiar. I have no idea what. Have you had similar issues, and how did you work through them? Was your therapist able to help? Once you became aware, was it helpful or harmful to have contact with the activating person?

Due to my dream, I've had this overwhelming urge to contact him again.... -sigh- It's been a few months since I last texted him. I don't dare contact Mat (he moved far enough away, thank God). But I contact Mike because he's still kind to me, even after our #######5 fall out.

Well, if I have full personality alters or not, I know I must have some kind of fragment created keeping Mike in my life. She won't let him go. I'm trying right now not to cry hopelessly because I won't pick up my phone and text him. Then, I'm wondering 'why? Who is it going to hurt to blab everything to him? Tell him how you feel!'. It's ridiculous. It would hurt my husband, one, and it would hurt us because he is forever unattainable to us anyway.

My head hurts as I'm writing this and I feel dizzy...stupid tears.

I don't like feeling this way over someone who isn't our husband. It makes the rest of us feel like $#%^. Would she up and leave our family, our daughter, if he reciprocated the feelings? Not that I would let her, but she would try. She howls in pain sometimes, in regret and sadness over something that didn't work out in the first place. Stupid bitch.

He is innocent too. He didn't know what he was doing. We caused the fallout. And we hurt him pretty bad, and hurt us too. Stupid bitch. Stupid stupid stupid!

I'm going to get some asprin before my head splits in two.

LinaeveWorkman wrote:Due to my dream, I've had this overwhelming urge to contact him again...

I know the urge, all too well, and I recommend you don't rush. With something as important as this, there is a lot to be said for really thinking through the issues first. Give it a few months.

My protector once scared away someone who someone in here suddenly had an overwhelming obsessive instant obsession over because he looked at us and smiled, he was tall, lanky, good looking, and looked kinda like our dad. It was not good, but we ended up just... running from it/protecting ourselves from letting ourself get "out of control" and do anything about it aside from avoid the issue, and... yeah.

Sucked, because we spent all our time not in class in the computer lab in the library and he was always right across the room. He was also in two classes and a lab with us. ._.;

What about fear? If I get an extreme fear reaction and a strong urge to protect myself from someone although they've never threatened me or anything, can that be an alter reacting? It hasn't happened to me many times, maybe twice or so but it's confusing as hell.

under ice wrote:What about fear? If I get an extreme fear reaction and a strong urge to protect myself from someone although they've never threatened me or anything, can that be an alter reacting? It hasn't happened to me many times, maybe twice or so but it's confusing as hell.

I'm majorly intimidated by any sort of authority figure. And certain personality types also trigger me.

I have since learned how to, oftentimes, recognize that it's not because the person's a threat, but because something about them reminded me of a previous threat that they may or may not pose.

Well, I guess I officially have my first 'documented' loss of time!

I don't remember writing an entry in here. I was going through the posts and thought this would be an interesting topic to write in, given that I called Mike yesterday; I didn't know I already posted!

And I love how a piece of me just refered to me as a 'stupid bitch'. Can't wait to meet that part.

Well......I guess I should update then. Mike said he forgave me years ago and I should forgive myself. There's no reason we can't be friends still, despite the past. Sadly, it didn't alleviate anything except my crushing guilt...but there is still sadness there and super regret. I'm trying to convince my husband to let me travel (with my husband, of course) to see Mike, in an effort to rekindle some sort of happiness between us. Maybe a few good happy memories will erase the last memory I have of him; watching him run away crying because of what I said...

Linaeve, I was expecting something like that from you. The emotional tone and content of your pining-for-him post was just like my posts on another forum a few months ago when I was so often blending with my Alter 1.

Una+ wrote:Linaeve, I was expecting something like that from you. The emotional tone and content of your pining-for-him post was just like my posts on another forum a few months ago when I was so often blending with my Alter 1.

What really, honestly scares me is the asprin line. I don't remember taking the asprin. How much did I take? Did I find the right bottle? Have I done this before with my other medications? ...Now that I think about it, I don't remember the last time I filled up my Depakote... I still have my Ambien, despite the doctor saying not to mix them....have I taken those too? Will a suicidal part come out and force down the bottle?!

I'm starting to get really, really anxious. I'm not liking this, not at all...

LinaeveWorkman wrote:Will a suicidal part come out and force down the bottle?!

Good question. You need a safety plan, and some professional assessment. Could your current psychologist consult with a therapist who is DID-savvy, maybe one of those ISSTD members in your area? One thing you can do for yourself is clean out your medicine cabinet. Get rid of any medications you do not use now that could be lethal. That includes multivitamins high in iron.

LinaeveWorkman wrote:I'm starting to get really, really anxious. I'm not liking this, not at all...

Welcome to the club. It will get worse before it gets better, but it will get better.