I can't remem8er anything anymore

Hi, I once had a post explaining my pro8lem 8ut I was confused a8out something that is making a huge difference now. I once thought that I could remem8er everything, 8ut now I realize I can't. Everything is repressed. I have a lot of 8ad things in my past I can "remem8er" in a way that is detached and vague, 8ut I actually can't remem8er any of the emotions experienced in them as if I was the one to feel them. I can't learn my lessons, 8ecause whatever happens to me doesn't leave a mark on my conscience 8ecause I can't even relate to my own past thoughts. Sometimes which things are repressed changes. Sometimes I'm suicidal or depressed and I can't remem8er anything in my life that has ever 8een happy, or I can only think of all the misera8le things. Other times, I just don't think to think of things, and thus act like a person that never grew or changed from having them in their life. I hope I'm making sense... And most often, like what I'm feeling now, I know I have horri8le things in my head waiting to 8e opened up, and I want to remem8er, 8ut it hurts to think. It honestly causes me so much pain to try and recall them in first-person. It seems like who I am is only determined 8y what I can and can't think of, which is forever changing, so I'm constantly changing. At this moment I can still hear a past thought in my head where I did remem8er the misera8le parts of my life, or was on the verge of remem8ering it, and all I can remem8er is me saying in my head over and over how I never wanted to remem8er, I've learned my lesson. 8ut I can't relate...I just want to 8e the person who would exist from remem8ering all the things repressed, even if it makes me misera8le. It's 8etter than feeling empty all the time. Thanks for reading... :-l

Hey Sloth,

Sounds frustrating!

Tell us more about you. How old are you. Do you see a therapist. What do you know, not what you don't remember, about your childhood.

Welcome to the Group!